Thursday, January 20, 2011

Sick, Sad and Disappointed

Well I finally got this stupid virus and I got it so well that I may have to see a Doc if my fever goes up another point. I am writing this during my one hour of lucidity, the rest of the time I have been chattering in bed and wishing it was a week from now. It seems we get this bout of illness around the same time each year and our whole family gets it and it lingers. No amount of quarantine or sanitizing keeps it at bay. Everyone gets it and then we get the follow up virus. For the record this year the second virus is worse than the original. In essence we are sick for 2 months or more and then we do ok for the rest of the year. A kid may get the odd virus but it doesnt keep them down much and usually not everyone gets it. Huzzah!

That pretty much sums up the sick part. Onto the sadness. Having callings in the church is not always easy and generally they are worth it but it kills me to see someone I love being wished to fail. Sometimes I think people forget that we are supposed to be a ward family and try to think the best of eachother instead of assume the worst. How come that is so hard for some people to do? I won't go into details except to say that my heart hurts for my loved one because I know they are trying but it is so hard to succeed when some people around you just really want you to fail so they can have back whatever they feel they have lost when someone else gets the calling.

I am so sad.
Disappointed that I cannot fix what is going on or help my loved one to feel good about their calling. Especially when I can't say I support the program as it is and have removed one of my children from it months ago. I understand how my loved one feels. It is so hard to want to be a part of something that you feel has been overtaken by some people who are overzealous and have run not just my family out of the program but others too. I literally sat with a sister as she cried over her calling in this program as she detailed how she felt unwelcome and like a usurper and treated as if she was inept and wrong at every turn. How can people grow in their calling and in the spirit if they feel such a strong opposition to everything they are trying to do?

I am disappointed that it seems this program has deviated from being youth led . I won't say more because I just needed to vent, my heart is heavy and being sick I am sure makes it worse. I just hope my loved one knows how much I love them and support them.

I don't think the answer is to throw in the towel and take our remaining children out of the program but sometimes that is really what we want to do. It's so hard.