Thursday, April 15, 2010

Trials and faith.

Currently we are going through a struggle. I am trying to remain positive because to be fair, we don't have near the struggles we used to have. This is due in part to a really wonderful support system we have in friends and family and also due to my husband being employed after a long time period where he was unable to find work.

Over the years we have had many struggles of all kinds but mostly of a financial nature. We still struggle financially, as do many families in this economy. I oddly feel blessed that the struggles we have , while serious and important and can be devastating, they aren't life and death. I have healthy children thank heavens. I have a loving husband whom continues to work hard with me to make sure our marriage is strong. Illness and family issues would seem to me to be insurmountable and I am unsure how I would manage those trials. I feel very blessed to have the trials I have. I know that sounds ridiculous. Who feels blessed to have trials?

I suppose I just feel blessed because they are trials I know. Struggles I am familiar with and honestly they are not as severe as they used to be. It doesn't seem to get easier to handle these trials but they seem farther apart in occurence. To me that is progress by golly!
In this past month we have had both of our vehicles break down. A flub with our bank account that led to us having to eat hundreds of dollars thanks to the lovely bank we have. I lost my tutoring job due to them not having the money to pay for the lessons anymore. Things just continue to compile. Like most families now , we live paycheck to paycheck. If several hundred dollars has to be used to fix cars or gets eaten by the bank, we feel that for a very very long time and suddenly we have the snowball effect. Does anyone else experience this? You have one problem that creates another and then another. Suddenly you are faced with a crisis that reminds you how very close you are to being in a place you never saw yourself.
A couple of years ago I would have really struggled making sense of it all but lately I really feel like these are opportunities for my faith to be strengthened. It is easy to say you have faith when things are good. When they are easy but when things are bad and your faith is tested, those are the moments when you know your mettle. When you know what you need to work on. I am listening extra close right now to try and hear what I am supposed to learn.

I know I have things I need to work on to become who I want to be, we all have things that we know we need to change. So moments like this when I feel unhappy about a trial I am facing, I am going to focus on what I can change in me and then who I can serve outside myself. Serving others has always been a great way to feel better. Not better in the way some think. Some people think others serve because they are greedy and are trying to garner blessings for themselves, I have heard people say that others serve so they can feel better about their station in life. AKA They give to others so they can feel good about their wealth. I think those are foolish ideas and I have never met a person who has served my family in any capacity that I felt was serving me so they could show off their wealth. I just don't think people do that.

I serve others because it makes me take the focus off of myself and feeling sorry for myself and focus on someone else. Someone who may or may not be worse off than me but in the end I need to serve others because always looking inward prevents you from growing your life outward. So I am trusting that this situation will get itself taken care of or we will be presented with a way to remedy our situation and turn my focus onto people outside of me that perhaps in some small way I can serve.
I feel better for just putting this down .
talk more later
Mrs. F.