I am, I was, I do, I did.
I am Greatful
I was Blessed
I am Honored
I Loved
I Laughed
I Hugged
I do Remember
I Hope
I am overwhelmed
For all who have touched our lives this year and in years past, you can't know the gratitude I have. Every day I am faced with how good and kind and faithful people are. Thank you to those who have, loved, forgiven,blessed, cared for, lifted up, held, taught,tended,nurtured and in all other ways shown your love for me and mine. Thank you to all who have allowed me and mine to love,bless,care for, lift up,hold,teach,tend,nurture and in all other ways let us love you.
You will never truly know what you mean to us but perhaps this can be a small sampling of what you mean to me. Words cannot express the depth of feeling I have.
I am greatful for the gospel that has taught me to keep trying to be better.
A husband who is my best friend but more than that he is my best person. I want to be better for him. For not seeing my faults and turning my pain into laughter. For spending time and creating memories. For allowing me to lead sometimes and then allowing me to follow. For driving even when he doesn't need to. For working hard to give us the best life he can. For giving our sons the priesthood. For my baptism.
For sisters who gave me a chance when I was new and afraid. Who continue to love me through my faults and allow me to love them.
For my children who are examples to me everyday and who endure my hugs and snuggles without complaint. Who give me hope for the future of this world.
For mothers , who surround me every day. For giving me a chance to love their children and share such a special part of their live with me.
For My mother who loves quietly and laughs loudly. Who taught me there was far more to life than the rules. That life isn't black and white and that grey can be fun. Who loved me even though I like black and white. Who continues to love some despite the pain. Who taught me to sing and clapped the loudest on opening night. Who loved me when I had no one else and made it feel like it was the whole world.
For my Mother in law who effortlessly orchestrates her huge family with the long arms of her love. Who taught me that there is strength in faith and that some things have infinite worth. Who taught me the merit in patience and virtue. Who quietly forgives and continues to be an example.
For my Father in law who teases my kids and smiles at me. Who acted like a dad to me even when I didn't appreciate it. Who reminds me he loves me and does so without expectation. Who loves his son the way his son loves his children. For teaching his son to be the man he is today.
For best friends who don't see dirty houses or messy kids. Who don't see dirty clothes or that my yard needs cutting. For emergency sewing sessions on Halloween day and never letting me feel like they would rather be someplace else. For letting me listen and give advice. For letting me lean sometimes too. For eating my cooking and making me feel like a chef! For letting me love your family. For bringing cookies just because and call just to say Hi. For treating my babies like your own. For trips to the science center just because.
For nieces and nephews who are thoughtful and kind. Who take time to show me their love and make me feel like their favorite Aunt!
For extended family who remind me that distance doesn't have to matter. Who never change or falter in their love for me and my family no matter if we don't speak often.
For a ward family who continues to show love and support and tirelessly gives to others. For taking care of my family when we struggle, for restoring faith and showing compassion. For being such great examples of the gospel. For Turkey drive bys and Secret Santas.
My heart is full, thank you all for the blessings you continue to give. Thank you for being who you are and allowing us into your lives.
All my love.
Mrs. F.
Freedom Quote and Picture of the Day
Thursday, November 26, 2009
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Some levity amongst dealing with trials
We need some levity around here since we are dealing with some serious things that have really dampened Farty Papa and I's sense that there is goodness in all people. Some people, you have to try really hard to see it.
You try and try to see it, you are patient and forgiving and hope one day to see true change in a person and then WHAM they remind you that they are indeed who they always were. Sad to see no growth in someone. I digress.
On to the levity. Farty Papa came home from work yesterday and imparted a story on me that gave me fits of giggles. His day started out fairly rough due to afore mentioned "serious things" ( Will not be discussed here because some forums are simply not appropriate to air things that should be private. Family blogs, social networking sites are just not a place for things that in truth, should be respected and private.)
So anyway....FP was feeling kind of low yesterday morning , his day progressed and I could see he was in far better spirits when he came home. I am sure there were several factors involved in bouying his spirits but I like to think this one was "special" .
The story begins as it always does at FP's work.( I will try to do the story justice and tell it as it was told to me)..his boss pulled him aside after helping a customer and it goes like this:
Bossman: " that customer you were just helping? ( a young woman)
FP: " yes?"
Bossman:" Well she asked me if you were married , I told her yes and with several children, She said "oh well he seems like a very nice man, sweet and very helpful" And then she said something along the lines of I'd like to meet a man like him"
FP: " um....."
Bossman: *laughs
FP: " wow " and I am going to interject my own thoughts on what he may have been feeling and thinking" did she just hit on me via my boss? " " wonder why she thought that?" " I am one sexy devil, she couldn't help herself" Ok no he wouldnt have thought that but he SHOULD have.
So as FP is relaying this to me it should be noted that before he told me about this story ( which isn't finished yet , yes it gets better) He asked me if I like his hair the way he styled it that morning. He looked hot so I said yes. He always looks hot so it wasn't hard to agree. So he then says well I haven't done my hair like this before so I just wondered. Oh and I think I got hit on today at work....then he proceeds to tell the story.
(back to the story)
FP is telling me that after his bossman had this conversation with the customer, FP went back to helping her and aparrently extolling the virtues of his wife and children , unaware of the fact that she inquired about his marital status to his boss. She then proceeds to tell him this...
" Well you seem like a really nice guy and I wish I had met a guy like you myself. Maybe if I had a guy like you I would go back to being with men instead of women."
This is where FP becomes speechless and his eyes glaze over for just a moment before he recovers and says a polite thank you and smiles. He told her that was a really nice compliment and as FP states it, helped her on her way and then began to think about it some....
The following were FP's actual thoughts as per told to me:
"Did I just get hit on by that woman?"
"I told her I was married , did she hit on me anyway? No...she was just nice"
"I did my hair different today, I wonder if my hair is the reason"
" I need to get my hair cut ASAP!"
So after I stopped laughing I said to FP
"you just got hit on by a gay woman and you think it was your hair do that was the real attraction?"
Now for the record his hair did look really good..LOL
Sometimes I just don't understand why it is so hard for him to see that women find him handsome, attentive, attractive and kind. Among other things I am sure. He was really concerned that he needed a haircut to ensure this didn't happen again.
I told him " honey you are a good looking , kind , friendly and attentive man. You will be hit on for the rest of your life. Get used to it" He kind of blinked at me and smiled.
Oh this story made me giggle. He is such a good hearted and oblivious man.
Oblivious to his own HAWTNESS aparrently.
More later
Mrs. F.
You try and try to see it, you are patient and forgiving and hope one day to see true change in a person and then WHAM they remind you that they are indeed who they always were. Sad to see no growth in someone. I digress.
On to the levity. Farty Papa came home from work yesterday and imparted a story on me that gave me fits of giggles. His day started out fairly rough due to afore mentioned "serious things" ( Will not be discussed here because some forums are simply not appropriate to air things that should be private. Family blogs, social networking sites are just not a place for things that in truth, should be respected and private.)
So anyway....FP was feeling kind of low yesterday morning , his day progressed and I could see he was in far better spirits when he came home. I am sure there were several factors involved in bouying his spirits but I like to think this one was "special" .
The story begins as it always does at FP's work.( I will try to do the story justice and tell it as it was told to me)..his boss pulled him aside after helping a customer and it goes like this:
Bossman: " that customer you were just helping? ( a young woman)
FP: " yes?"
Bossman:" Well she asked me if you were married , I told her yes and with several children, She said "oh well he seems like a very nice man, sweet and very helpful" And then she said something along the lines of I'd like to meet a man like him"
FP: " um....."
Bossman: *laughs
FP: " wow " and I am going to interject my own thoughts on what he may have been feeling and thinking" did she just hit on me via my boss? " " wonder why she thought that?" " I am one sexy devil, she couldn't help herself" Ok no he wouldnt have thought that but he SHOULD have.
So as FP is relaying this to me it should be noted that before he told me about this story ( which isn't finished yet , yes it gets better) He asked me if I like his hair the way he styled it that morning. He looked hot so I said yes. He always looks hot so it wasn't hard to agree. So he then says well I haven't done my hair like this before so I just wondered. Oh and I think I got hit on today at work....then he proceeds to tell the story.
(back to the story)
FP is telling me that after his bossman had this conversation with the customer, FP went back to helping her and aparrently extolling the virtues of his wife and children , unaware of the fact that she inquired about his marital status to his boss. She then proceeds to tell him this...
" Well you seem like a really nice guy and I wish I had met a guy like you myself. Maybe if I had a guy like you I would go back to being with men instead of women."
This is where FP becomes speechless and his eyes glaze over for just a moment before he recovers and says a polite thank you and smiles. He told her that was a really nice compliment and as FP states it, helped her on her way and then began to think about it some....
The following were FP's actual thoughts as per told to me:
"Did I just get hit on by that woman?"
"I told her I was married , did she hit on me anyway? No...she was just nice"
"I did my hair different today, I wonder if my hair is the reason"
" I need to get my hair cut ASAP!"
So after I stopped laughing I said to FP
"you just got hit on by a gay woman and you think it was your hair do that was the real attraction?"
Now for the record his hair did look really good..LOL
Sometimes I just don't understand why it is so hard for him to see that women find him handsome, attentive, attractive and kind. Among other things I am sure. He was really concerned that he needed a haircut to ensure this didn't happen again.
I told him " honey you are a good looking , kind , friendly and attentive man. You will be hit on for the rest of your life. Get used to it" He kind of blinked at me and smiled.
Oh this story made me giggle. He is such a good hearted and oblivious man.
Oblivious to his own HAWTNESS aparrently.
More later
Mrs. F.
Monday, September 7, 2009
A Life Worthwhile
Yesterday as Fartypapa went through pages of his old highschool mates on facebook and detailing their jobs and accomplishments. I began to feel a little wanting. As if my life hasn't really amounted to much. I am just a mom .
I made a comment to Farty Papa that was in my mind just a passing thought and one I didn't really think about before I said.
I said " This makes me feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile in my life you know?"
His response gave me pause " I don't count huh?"
Ouch.
It wasn't what I meant when I said that but how else was he to take that? Yea I know...It got me thinking.
Which in truth is the real reason for this post I suppose.
I didn't go to college though I wanted to. Badly.
I don't have a career though I thought I wanted one before I got married.
I don't have fancy cars, houses, boats though they would be nice.
I don't take exotic vacations , I didn't even get a honeymoon.
I don't have much in the way of financial success and trappings.
These things are great if you have them. I do not begrudge anyone who has one or all of these things. However these are not the things that have made me laugh until my sides ache. Given me peace when the world caved in around me. Comforted me when I cried. Encouraged me when I had no courage left. The trappings of the world didn't give me joy when my children were born. My family has done this.
When I got married and saw my new son coming down the aisle swinging the ring pillow , the trappings were not what made my heart swell with such pure love and hope for him and his future. How lucky I felt that I had two men in my life that I could call my own. No trappings and worldly successes can overshadow or even compare with how totally blessed and excited I was to start this new life with them.
To say I haven't done anything worthwhile in my life is to totally negate the last 15 years of my life. I am so embarassed that it even escaped my mouth. Those that know me though may not be surprised. lol.
The culmination of my life so far can only be described as being of infinite worth. I have six beautiful children whom I love dearly. I hope someday every single one of them will know that without question. I have an extended family whom has shown time and again that they love me and remind me in little ways and sometimes gigantic ways. I have a mother who despite being given every reason to fail and every hardship given to single mothers, and more, raised me the best she knew how and encouraged me to dream even though there was little she was able to do to help me achieve them. Even though her dream was cut short by my very existence.
You may be wondering why I didn't address Fartypapa first. There is a reason for that. There is so much to say in regards to him that in truth , I needed to unclutter my mind by putting down the previous blessings so that I can articulate what I wanted to say.
How do you determine the worth of the one relationship that makes having all your other relationships possible?
How do you express your love and gratitude for someone who has spent the better part of 15 years trying to make your dreams come true?
How do you express how worthwhile someone is to you, who gave you six amazing children?
How do you express your unadulterated awe of someone who has spent his life being the good guy?
Being the one who teaches you more about yourself and who you want to be than any other single person you have ever met? Or will meet?
How do you express the peace you feel to the person who patiently and lovingly showed you the path to what will ultimately make you see the value of yourself?
How do you ever repay or even articulate these feelings?
How do you express how safe you feel with the one person who has never broken your heart?
I still don't know.
It is weak at best to say I love you. It doesn't begin to cover all that is in my heart to say the very thought of you and our life together , reminds me that the infinite worth of my life begins with you and will end with you when we are old and grey. The best thing I ever did was marry you.
So in case you were still wondering. Yes you count. You count infinity times 100.
with all the love I can muster.
Mrs. F.
I made a comment to Farty Papa that was in my mind just a passing thought and one I didn't really think about before I said.
I said " This makes me feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile in my life you know?"
His response gave me pause " I don't count huh?"
Ouch.
It wasn't what I meant when I said that but how else was he to take that? Yea I know...It got me thinking.
Which in truth is the real reason for this post I suppose.
I didn't go to college though I wanted to. Badly.
I don't have a career though I thought I wanted one before I got married.
I don't have fancy cars, houses, boats though they would be nice.
I don't take exotic vacations , I didn't even get a honeymoon.
I don't have much in the way of financial success and trappings.
These things are great if you have them. I do not begrudge anyone who has one or all of these things. However these are not the things that have made me laugh until my sides ache. Given me peace when the world caved in around me. Comforted me when I cried. Encouraged me when I had no courage left. The trappings of the world didn't give me joy when my children were born. My family has done this.
When I got married and saw my new son coming down the aisle swinging the ring pillow , the trappings were not what made my heart swell with such pure love and hope for him and his future. How lucky I felt that I had two men in my life that I could call my own. No trappings and worldly successes can overshadow or even compare with how totally blessed and excited I was to start this new life with them.
To say I haven't done anything worthwhile in my life is to totally negate the last 15 years of my life. I am so embarassed that it even escaped my mouth. Those that know me though may not be surprised. lol.
The culmination of my life so far can only be described as being of infinite worth. I have six beautiful children whom I love dearly. I hope someday every single one of them will know that without question. I have an extended family whom has shown time and again that they love me and remind me in little ways and sometimes gigantic ways. I have a mother who despite being given every reason to fail and every hardship given to single mothers, and more, raised me the best she knew how and encouraged me to dream even though there was little she was able to do to help me achieve them. Even though her dream was cut short by my very existence.
You may be wondering why I didn't address Fartypapa first. There is a reason for that. There is so much to say in regards to him that in truth , I needed to unclutter my mind by putting down the previous blessings so that I can articulate what I wanted to say.
How do you determine the worth of the one relationship that makes having all your other relationships possible?
How do you express your love and gratitude for someone who has spent the better part of 15 years trying to make your dreams come true?
How do you express how worthwhile someone is to you, who gave you six amazing children?
How do you express your unadulterated awe of someone who has spent his life being the good guy?
Being the one who teaches you more about yourself and who you want to be than any other single person you have ever met? Or will meet?
How do you express the peace you feel to the person who patiently and lovingly showed you the path to what will ultimately make you see the value of yourself?
How do you ever repay or even articulate these feelings?
How do you express how safe you feel with the one person who has never broken your heart?
I still don't know.
It is weak at best to say I love you. It doesn't begin to cover all that is in my heart to say the very thought of you and our life together , reminds me that the infinite worth of my life begins with you and will end with you when we are old and grey. The best thing I ever did was marry you.
So in case you were still wondering. Yes you count. You count infinity times 100.
with all the love I can muster.
Mrs. F.
A moment of reflection
I received an email a few days ago that is not unlike several FartyPapa and I have received over the years from this person. It was angry, distorted, bitter and mean. More than that it was really reflective of this persons distorted view of their own life and what they perceive mine to be. I won't be going into detail because this person and the email are not really what I want to write about.
I want to write about how negative people, enemies, whatever you want to call them, (non friends) have in the past really played a part in what I thought about myself. I allowed people who found no merit in anything to do with me (sometimes it included my children, I presume the thinking was that if they came from me they had to be in some way bad.) to determine on some level my self worth. As you can imagine it was very damaging.
However over the years I began to notice that these people bothered me less and less, especially after the fire. I began to look at these people as desprately unhappy people, people who needed someone to blame for whatever they needed too. I began to see them as individuals who found no true happiness and peace in their own skin and it is far easier to blame others for your own shortcomings and failures than to step up and admit your role in your own life. Once this transformation in my thinking happened I found that I began to believe the circles around me who knew me, saw me. Truly saw me. I began to believe them when they would speak kindly of me.
Fast forward to today. Today I have tried very hard to prevent toxic people from entering my life, but sometimes you don't have a choice regarding who is in your life. Today I look back on my life, looking for some validity in the harsh words from the email. Where did these things come from? Like everyone I know, I am not perfect. I learned how to be a wife and mother by doing. No one taught me. I learned how to be a friend by doing, there was no manual. I have made mistakes like anyone , typical things we all do and as much as I try I cannot own their criticism. It isn't who I am. Once again I am faced with an individual who needs to blame me for their own shortcomings and failures. Their need to blame me really has given me a realization that was unexpected. Welcomed but unexpected.
I realized that for this individual to have such animosity toward me, I really must be doing pretty good. To be so vilified by someone whom you share no value, standards or morals with. Not a single thing in common in how you live your life, who you are. It must mean only one thing. I am living my life right and in accordance with who I want to be. Who I should be. I am raising my children with love, empathy, understanding, a hard work ethic and most of all an understanding of who they are and why they are in this world.
I think that is pretty darn good. I think that is something to be proud of. I think that pretty much trumps anyone elses negative view of me as a human being.
Yea it's good to be me. It is good to have the family I do.
Today is a good day.
Until next time
Mrs. F
I want to write about how negative people, enemies, whatever you want to call them, (non friends) have in the past really played a part in what I thought about myself. I allowed people who found no merit in anything to do with me (sometimes it included my children, I presume the thinking was that if they came from me they had to be in some way bad.) to determine on some level my self worth. As you can imagine it was very damaging.
However over the years I began to notice that these people bothered me less and less, especially after the fire. I began to look at these people as desprately unhappy people, people who needed someone to blame for whatever they needed too. I began to see them as individuals who found no true happiness and peace in their own skin and it is far easier to blame others for your own shortcomings and failures than to step up and admit your role in your own life. Once this transformation in my thinking happened I found that I began to believe the circles around me who knew me, saw me. Truly saw me. I began to believe them when they would speak kindly of me.
Fast forward to today. Today I have tried very hard to prevent toxic people from entering my life, but sometimes you don't have a choice regarding who is in your life. Today I look back on my life, looking for some validity in the harsh words from the email. Where did these things come from? Like everyone I know, I am not perfect. I learned how to be a wife and mother by doing. No one taught me. I learned how to be a friend by doing, there was no manual. I have made mistakes like anyone , typical things we all do and as much as I try I cannot own their criticism. It isn't who I am. Once again I am faced with an individual who needs to blame me for their own shortcomings and failures. Their need to blame me really has given me a realization that was unexpected. Welcomed but unexpected.
I realized that for this individual to have such animosity toward me, I really must be doing pretty good. To be so vilified by someone whom you share no value, standards or morals with. Not a single thing in common in how you live your life, who you are. It must mean only one thing. I am living my life right and in accordance with who I want to be. Who I should be. I am raising my children with love, empathy, understanding, a hard work ethic and most of all an understanding of who they are and why they are in this world.
I think that is pretty darn good. I think that is something to be proud of. I think that pretty much trumps anyone elses negative view of me as a human being.
Yea it's good to be me. It is good to have the family I do.
Today is a good day.
Until next time
Mrs. F
Saturday, August 22, 2009
The poem I promised
The Invitation
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream,
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get upafter the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
This is the the poem I promised a couple of days ago. I didn't post it yesterday because I posted that bohemoth ( I have no idea how to spell that word. That is not normal ) of a post yesterday and I figured that was long enough to make anyone read. I really wanted this to have a place of it's own.
I got it from a fellow blogger. I really enjoy her blog. http://www.swissarmywife.net/ Check her out.
I want to talk a bit about this because it feels very real for me. Almost like a deja vu sensation. Like I owned these words as my own.
It is almost like each stanza is a stage of my life. At some point I was that and then I changed into a different stanza. I love that.
Much of this poem I think remains true about myself. Some of it I want back. Some it was time to let go and embrace a new part of myself.
This really touched me. I am so glad she shared this with me.
Can you see yourself? Let me know what you think!
As always
Mrs. F.
It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream,
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get upafter the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer
This is the the poem I promised a couple of days ago. I didn't post it yesterday because I posted that bohemoth ( I have no idea how to spell that word. That is not normal ) of a post yesterday and I figured that was long enough to make anyone read. I really wanted this to have a place of it's own.
I got it from a fellow blogger. I really enjoy her blog. http://www.swissarmywife.net/ Check her out.
I want to talk a bit about this because it feels very real for me. Almost like a deja vu sensation. Like I owned these words as my own.
It is almost like each stanza is a stage of my life. At some point I was that and then I changed into a different stanza. I love that.
Much of this poem I think remains true about myself. Some of it I want back. Some it was time to let go and embrace a new part of myself.
This really touched me. I am so glad she shared this with me.
Can you see yourself? Let me know what you think!
As always
Mrs. F.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
I love cooking
I just posted a tidbit about a new recipe I created on my Foodie Flabulosity blog.
I wouldn't say that I am a very creative person per se but when it comes to food I think I very well might be creative!
I had the BEST lunch. It stemmed from over cooked rice. I turned overcooked rice into creamy risotto cakes with shredded chicken, cheese and sour cream in them.
The result were crispy golden cakes fried in butter that were creamy and seemed really indulgent.
My daughter and I came up with this , when our rice cooker decided to have a stroke and over cook the rice. A first for this cooker.
The first batch MTA fried up were a little loose and flat. They tasted great mind you but they just didn't look very good. So we determined that if we chilled the mixture for a bit, we could fry them better and they would hold their shape.
I love creating new recipes. I wish my kitchen was a better work space so that more than once person could be in there at a time but nothing to be done about that . That takes money we just don't have.
I find myself sitting in front of my laptop often and just brainstorming ideas for recipes. Reading online recipes and cookbooks for inspiration etc. It's funny, after the fire I thought I would never want to cook again. My family was actually worried about it. Slowly I got back into the swing of things, for some things it was very slow. I seemed to want to try new things after the fire and leave all our family favorites tucked away.
It is interesting to me how food is such a part of our memories and experiences. Those beloved family recipes that my kids clamored for were painful for me. It took me to a place that I wanted to forget. Just move on I told myself. Keep plugging away. Don't stop for a moment to think because if you do.....I knew I would have to face how horrific the fire was for our family.
I try not to talk about it anymore. The kids mention it but it has become a footnote in what has turned out to be a pretty great transformation of our life. Thanks to a ton of people who cared for us when we couldn't muster the strength to be strong for one more day.
Sometimes though , something as silly and significant as creating a new recipe with my kids, brings those memories back. They are bittersweet now and don't carry as much pain as they used to. It would be easy to sweep it all aside and say flippantly " we only lost belongings and a couple of pets" smile emptily and follow it with" We have eachother"
It is true we have eachother. We were so very blessed to have no one hurt in the fire. Having seen my brother hurt badly in a housefire when I was a kid. I have a clear understanding of what can happen and how very very blessed we were to be able to hug eachother after the fire and every single one of us , in perfect health. That is the single greatest blessing.
However, our lives are made of up so many things that we take for granted. Every parent knows their childrens favorite things. The things that soothe them when they are fussy or scared. We as families know our pets are huge parts of our lives and they imprint on our children as litter mates and treat our babies like they were their own.
We all have things we treasure and become such a part of who we are that we cannot think of parting with them. Attatchment is human nature.
I don't know why I am going on about this today. Maybe I am feeling triumphant and sad at the same time. Who knows.
All I know is there is a memory after the fire. A couple of nights after the fire. That haunts me. I try to never entertain it. Never allow it to settle into my thoughts. I try very hard to replace that memory with something else, anything else. To no avail.
I should share it here and maybe by speaking about it I can finally leave it all be but somehow I know that this instance, this fire, this...happening. Will live on. It has to. It is part of our family history. It has molded us into who we are and our children as well. They remember. They , as most kids ,are open and relaxed about their memories. They talk about it. What they hated, what they are thankful for, what they wish they had back. What they wished mom and dad still had. The difference between them and me is when they talk about it, its only sad for a moment and then they let go. DM could tell you that letting go for me is very hard.
Sometimes I just can't let something go even when it hurts. Most days I am fine but some days are like today. A really great moment with me and my daughter is shadowed by memories of what once was. How she and her brothers once spilled a five lb bag of flour all over the kitchen and surfed in it until I got out of the shower. Belly surfed. The memory is a funny and sweet memory but it gives way to seeing that kitchen after the fire. It's hard to explain. I can still smell the smoke.
The memory I referred to was the night of the fire, our family crammed into a one room motel room. Two beds and a tv. It was a truckers motel. It was dark and Superman was crying that he wanted his Bibo ( His stuffed panda bear he loved). Then MacGuyver jr was heard softly weeping as he said " I miss Roxxy" (our chihuahua that was badly injured in the fire and later passed away) Sketch and Walker TR began to weep as well though they wouldn't speak. MTA trying to be brave said to Superman ( He was 2) " you can have my bear " her voice was quivering and it was her only belonging in the entire world ( gift from the red cross ). There we all were in the dark. The kids on one bed and Farty Papa and I on the other. Everyone weeping. Farty Papa got up and one by one brought each child into the full size bed that we shared. We all cried and snuggled together in the dark. I have never felt more helpless to comfort and help my children with their sadness.
Their comfort was gone. All they knew and treasured. I feared their childhood was gone in one moment. It was a very very bad night. It still makes me cry.
Now let me say that my children are happy and healthy kids and the fire is just a memory for them. They have a lovely childhood and speak often about the good memories they had in our old house. They have created brand new ones in our new house. All is well.
I just never want to go back to that place again. I never want to know that heartache for my children's hearts. If that makes sense.
Yet when I look back now, in this moment, I can remember clearly that they kids tears quieted down quickly and then they slept. FartyPapa and I didn't sleep much for what seemed like months. Looking back I can see that all we needed was eachother for comfort .
Thank the heavens we had eachother.
Sorry for the rambling post. I am unsure why I felt the need to share. Perhaps someone out there needs to read something I wrote.
Sometimes I think I should write a book. Then I remember that I have a gaggle of kids and likely not enough brain cells left to put down a coherent thought.
So whatever comes to me goes here for good or bad. Take it for what you will.
Feeling very blessed and bittersweet.
Mrs. F.
I wouldn't say that I am a very creative person per se but when it comes to food I think I very well might be creative!
I had the BEST lunch. It stemmed from over cooked rice. I turned overcooked rice into creamy risotto cakes with shredded chicken, cheese and sour cream in them.
The result were crispy golden cakes fried in butter that were creamy and seemed really indulgent.
My daughter and I came up with this , when our rice cooker decided to have a stroke and over cook the rice. A first for this cooker.
The first batch MTA fried up were a little loose and flat. They tasted great mind you but they just didn't look very good. So we determined that if we chilled the mixture for a bit, we could fry them better and they would hold their shape.
I love creating new recipes. I wish my kitchen was a better work space so that more than once person could be in there at a time but nothing to be done about that . That takes money we just don't have.
I find myself sitting in front of my laptop often and just brainstorming ideas for recipes. Reading online recipes and cookbooks for inspiration etc. It's funny, after the fire I thought I would never want to cook again. My family was actually worried about it. Slowly I got back into the swing of things, for some things it was very slow. I seemed to want to try new things after the fire and leave all our family favorites tucked away.
It is interesting to me how food is such a part of our memories and experiences. Those beloved family recipes that my kids clamored for were painful for me. It took me to a place that I wanted to forget. Just move on I told myself. Keep plugging away. Don't stop for a moment to think because if you do.....I knew I would have to face how horrific the fire was for our family.
I try not to talk about it anymore. The kids mention it but it has become a footnote in what has turned out to be a pretty great transformation of our life. Thanks to a ton of people who cared for us when we couldn't muster the strength to be strong for one more day.
Sometimes though , something as silly and significant as creating a new recipe with my kids, brings those memories back. They are bittersweet now and don't carry as much pain as they used to. It would be easy to sweep it all aside and say flippantly " we only lost belongings and a couple of pets" smile emptily and follow it with" We have eachother"
It is true we have eachother. We were so very blessed to have no one hurt in the fire. Having seen my brother hurt badly in a housefire when I was a kid. I have a clear understanding of what can happen and how very very blessed we were to be able to hug eachother after the fire and every single one of us , in perfect health. That is the single greatest blessing.
However, our lives are made of up so many things that we take for granted. Every parent knows their childrens favorite things. The things that soothe them when they are fussy or scared. We as families know our pets are huge parts of our lives and they imprint on our children as litter mates and treat our babies like they were their own.
We all have things we treasure and become such a part of who we are that we cannot think of parting with them. Attatchment is human nature.
I don't know why I am going on about this today. Maybe I am feeling triumphant and sad at the same time. Who knows.
All I know is there is a memory after the fire. A couple of nights after the fire. That haunts me. I try to never entertain it. Never allow it to settle into my thoughts. I try very hard to replace that memory with something else, anything else. To no avail.
I should share it here and maybe by speaking about it I can finally leave it all be but somehow I know that this instance, this fire, this...happening. Will live on. It has to. It is part of our family history. It has molded us into who we are and our children as well. They remember. They , as most kids ,are open and relaxed about their memories. They talk about it. What they hated, what they are thankful for, what they wish they had back. What they wished mom and dad still had. The difference between them and me is when they talk about it, its only sad for a moment and then they let go. DM could tell you that letting go for me is very hard.
Sometimes I just can't let something go even when it hurts. Most days I am fine but some days are like today. A really great moment with me and my daughter is shadowed by memories of what once was. How she and her brothers once spilled a five lb bag of flour all over the kitchen and surfed in it until I got out of the shower. Belly surfed. The memory is a funny and sweet memory but it gives way to seeing that kitchen after the fire. It's hard to explain. I can still smell the smoke.
The memory I referred to was the night of the fire, our family crammed into a one room motel room. Two beds and a tv. It was a truckers motel. It was dark and Superman was crying that he wanted his Bibo ( His stuffed panda bear he loved). Then MacGuyver jr was heard softly weeping as he said " I miss Roxxy" (our chihuahua that was badly injured in the fire and later passed away) Sketch and Walker TR began to weep as well though they wouldn't speak. MTA trying to be brave said to Superman ( He was 2) " you can have my bear " her voice was quivering and it was her only belonging in the entire world ( gift from the red cross ). There we all were in the dark. The kids on one bed and Farty Papa and I on the other. Everyone weeping. Farty Papa got up and one by one brought each child into the full size bed that we shared. We all cried and snuggled together in the dark. I have never felt more helpless to comfort and help my children with their sadness.
Their comfort was gone. All they knew and treasured. I feared their childhood was gone in one moment. It was a very very bad night. It still makes me cry.
Now let me say that my children are happy and healthy kids and the fire is just a memory for them. They have a lovely childhood and speak often about the good memories they had in our old house. They have created brand new ones in our new house. All is well.
I just never want to go back to that place again. I never want to know that heartache for my children's hearts. If that makes sense.
Yet when I look back now, in this moment, I can remember clearly that they kids tears quieted down quickly and then they slept. FartyPapa and I didn't sleep much for what seemed like months. Looking back I can see that all we needed was eachother for comfort .
Thank the heavens we had eachother.
Sorry for the rambling post. I am unsure why I felt the need to share. Perhaps someone out there needs to read something I wrote.
Sometimes I think I should write a book. Then I remember that I have a gaggle of kids and likely not enough brain cells left to put down a coherent thought.
So whatever comes to me goes here for good or bad. Take it for what you will.
Feeling very blessed and bittersweet.
Mrs. F.
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Stuff and changes.
So much has happened in the past few weeks. We watched the demise of our pool party and the birth of the trade off. More on that later lest I jinx it by mentioning it.
Oh DM if you are reading this. We need ribs ASAP! Lets get together for dinner soon. I'll bring the hungry tummies and the sides. DM= the rib lady.
We bought a truck that we badly needed. Our poor cars are like that one teacher we all had in school that was wayyyyy past their prime, limping along and hating life. We really needed to get something that we could really depend on. I really love it. I feel like a teenager getting their first car only not MY first car( which had a blown head gasket and I never got to drive it).
Squee! so excited. Thanks to SIL and BIL for letting us buy their truck and for taking such good care of it.
We started back to school a few weeks ago and wow the kids are just doing so well. They are very dedicated and I love seeing Sketch reading so well.
So enters my pet peeve. Handwriting. I cannot stand my childrens handwriting. I have tried and tried to correct it but it is like BURNED into their brains to write like mad doctors.
So do I continue to beat my head against the wall and endure hours and hours of correcting handwriting and complaining from kids who just don't think they should have to write legibly? Or do I throw up the white flag and let them write how they wish and decide I don't care if their handwriting makes them look like illiterate, backwoods hillybilly's on paper?
(no offense to backwoods illiterate hillbillies. I totally support your right to be illiterate and backwoods and eat swamp rats and the like. Power to the people!)
moving on.......We bought MTA a car for her and her Fartypapa to fix up before she turns 16. She is over the moon for her first beater car..LOL. We had hoped to do this with my husbands oldest son but that didn't manifest much to our disappointment.
So for the next year and a half or so she and Fartypapa will fix up the car and ensure it is safe and well maintained. I will ensure it is cute and fun!
MTA started seminary this year. She loves it. More time with teenagers. *le sigh*. For those of you who read this blog but don't really know what seminary is, basically its a religious class that is geared toward highschoolers, it is kind of like a short class that gives teenagers a more involved understanding of their religion.
Also this year Fartypapa and I have decided to join a homeschooling co-op...sort of. MTA and MacGuyver jr. are being enrolled in a leadership history class of sorts. They go once a week for two hours and will get an indepth look at the founding fathers and the constitution. I am not a huge history buff so in regards to history they get exposed to what is in their curriculum and that about covers it. Don't get me wrong, their curriculum is good and I am entirely happy with the level of knowledge they are getting but when my girlfriend invited them to this class I was so excited. See she is practically on fire for History. She will give them a different perspective than my own and will hopefully give them some of her enthusiasim. MacGuyver jr LOVES history. LOVES it. He loves the stories of the past and why people did what they did and how our country came to be. this class is literature based so I am thrilled for him.
Fartypapa got promoted at work and we are thrilled about it. I love the fact that he loves his job. That is so hard to find today. He really does love it and he really likes the company he works for. We are really feeling blessed and thankful.
On a similar note, my daycare kids went back to school. They are such good kids. I sure hope they get to come around again once in awhile.
I think that is all the updates for now. Posting a poem from a fellow blogger tomorrow so be sure to check me out tomorrow.
Also for those of you who followed my cookbook blog, I am sure you noticed that I haven't updated it. It's not because I haven't written any new recipes. It is because I decided to only post recipes that I won't actually put in my cookbook. So eventually I will update it but for now not so much.
Also if you have any recipes you want to share please do so and I will post them in that blog and give you all the credit! I am always looking for new recipes.
Until tomorrow
Take care of you and yours.
Mrs. F.
Oh DM if you are reading this. We need ribs ASAP! Lets get together for dinner soon. I'll bring the hungry tummies and the sides. DM= the rib lady.
We bought a truck that we badly needed. Our poor cars are like that one teacher we all had in school that was wayyyyy past their prime, limping along and hating life. We really needed to get something that we could really depend on. I really love it. I feel like a teenager getting their first car only not MY first car( which had a blown head gasket and I never got to drive it).
Squee! so excited. Thanks to SIL and BIL for letting us buy their truck and for taking such good care of it.
We started back to school a few weeks ago and wow the kids are just doing so well. They are very dedicated and I love seeing Sketch reading so well.
So enters my pet peeve. Handwriting. I cannot stand my childrens handwriting. I have tried and tried to correct it but it is like BURNED into their brains to write like mad doctors.
So do I continue to beat my head against the wall and endure hours and hours of correcting handwriting and complaining from kids who just don't think they should have to write legibly? Or do I throw up the white flag and let them write how they wish and decide I don't care if their handwriting makes them look like illiterate, backwoods hillybilly's on paper?
(no offense to backwoods illiterate hillbillies. I totally support your right to be illiterate and backwoods and eat swamp rats and the like. Power to the people!)
moving on.......We bought MTA a car for her and her Fartypapa to fix up before she turns 16. She is over the moon for her first beater car..LOL. We had hoped to do this with my husbands oldest son but that didn't manifest much to our disappointment.
So for the next year and a half or so she and Fartypapa will fix up the car and ensure it is safe and well maintained. I will ensure it is cute and fun!
MTA started seminary this year. She loves it. More time with teenagers. *le sigh*. For those of you who read this blog but don't really know what seminary is, basically its a religious class that is geared toward highschoolers, it is kind of like a short class that gives teenagers a more involved understanding of their religion.
Also this year Fartypapa and I have decided to join a homeschooling co-op...sort of. MTA and MacGuyver jr. are being enrolled in a leadership history class of sorts. They go once a week for two hours and will get an indepth look at the founding fathers and the constitution. I am not a huge history buff so in regards to history they get exposed to what is in their curriculum and that about covers it. Don't get me wrong, their curriculum is good and I am entirely happy with the level of knowledge they are getting but when my girlfriend invited them to this class I was so excited. See she is practically on fire for History. She will give them a different perspective than my own and will hopefully give them some of her enthusiasim. MacGuyver jr LOVES history. LOVES it. He loves the stories of the past and why people did what they did and how our country came to be. this class is literature based so I am thrilled for him.
Fartypapa got promoted at work and we are thrilled about it. I love the fact that he loves his job. That is so hard to find today. He really does love it and he really likes the company he works for. We are really feeling blessed and thankful.
On a similar note, my daycare kids went back to school. They are such good kids. I sure hope they get to come around again once in awhile.
I think that is all the updates for now. Posting a poem from a fellow blogger tomorrow so be sure to check me out tomorrow.
Also for those of you who followed my cookbook blog, I am sure you noticed that I haven't updated it. It's not because I haven't written any new recipes. It is because I decided to only post recipes that I won't actually put in my cookbook. So eventually I will update it but for now not so much.
Also if you have any recipes you want to share please do so and I will post them in that blog and give you all the credit! I am always looking for new recipes.
Until tomorrow
Take care of you and yours.
Mrs. F.
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