Well friends today has been a gem of a day. It turns out that somehow , somewhere out there in the great wide world , my credit card number "somehow" got into the bad guys hands. The bad guys being those that will drain your account, take out credit cards in your name AND open bank accounts in your name etc.
So after an interesting converstaion with my bank , I discover that not only can they NOT give me any information as to what merchant let my card number get stolen, they can't really tell me anything except that they need to change my number. So I ask "bank worker" my really obvious question. One that I think most would ask because well, its obvious and a NO BRAINER.
" How do I prevent this from happening again if you can't tell me what merchant my card was compromised from?" She stammers, then stutters and then as honestly as she can says" That is a really good question, er..well. I am sorry maam I don't have an answer to that question for you" The shock in her voice was astonishing because I cannot fathom that I am the first person ever to ask my fraud protection dept. " How can I prevent this?" So she then says" can I help you with anything else?" Can you hear my stunned silence? I blink and say" Hello?" because surely she can't be serious. No offer to find someone to answer my question? No manager? Nope. Turns out my question is so original that I don't get an answer.
So it turns out that not only do I have to be worried about crooks and thieves but now I am terrified at the lack of knowledge that the people who are "protecting" me have. Needless to say, if you want something done, do it your damn self.
On to the next gripe. Our cell phone company is awful. It is criminal that they can assess you arbitrary fees to the tune of hundreds of dollars per line simply because they want to. Its criminal and lucky for them I have no problem saying exactly what I feel. Phone call tomorrow pending. Not a happy Mrs. F. today.
I am happy about the fact that I started my cookbook. Writing recipes is cathartic for me. I hope to publish at some point so it is likely that the recipes I post in this blog won't be in the actual cookbook because who would buy a cookbook that is free on the web?! So my intent with the cooking blog is to just share recipes and get feedback as well as post recipes sent to me by friends and family.
The kids are doing well, they are excited to start school. So many new things this year and I am excited as well. To see Sketch suddenly love to read is such a sweet memory. There have been those that have been such a source of negativity in regards to our homeschooling, they quiz the children, put them on the spot and make them uncomfortable only to somehow prove to themselves that the children are somehow uneducated and lacking. So to watch their daily progress always does my heart good.
I could go and on about similar stories from homeschooling families that encounter this type of thing too. It's as if by doing something outside the box it threatens those that are inside that box. So much so that they feel the need attack your decisions and methods in order to justify their own decisions. It's uncomfortable for me to encounter these people simply because I don't look at someone else or another family and pass judgement of any kind. Namely because its not my family but also because I tend to focus on my world and let others tend to theirs. I have never thought to push my beliefs on others in regards to how they raise their children or how they educate them. Or how they raise them at all because the long and short of it is, I don't know their whole situation.
What I mean to say is people tend to let people know what they wish them to know. Or what they feel comfortable letting them in on. So to expect that I know their situation would just make me foolish.
It's like the people who glare at the moms in the check out line because her child is throwing a righteous tantrum and she loses her temper and says " shut up" or She does nothing at all. What if she gave into the childs demands. You can just hear the gasps of disapproval. Or worse she grabs the child by the arm and hauls them out of the store with the child barely in tow. No one can say that is the best way to handle the situation but being a parent I can identify with the level of frusteration that comes with losing your temper. It happens. I don't see that woman as anything but a tired mom with a child who is probably even more tired. What if that mom has something awful going on and she is just trying to keep it together? It doesn't mean she is an awful mom or person only that she didn't handle the situation well. What would it mean to that mom to have someone come up to her and say something kind?
I think the same thinking applies in all aspects of dealing with other people and families. We generally don't know what goes on in someone elses family and judgement and conjecture really only tell more about those judging that those being judged.
So often I think kindness is set aside in lieu of something hurtful. People tell themselves that it's ok because I am right and they are wrong but in the end that comes down to perspective. I try to keep in mind that while might disagree with anothers choices or decisions, it doesn't mean they are wrong. Just different. I wonder why its so hard to let people be different. It's really not that scarey. Not to me. I enjoy my different family, they are bright spots in what might be an otherwise dreary life. My children are everything I ever hoped they would be and more. My husband is more wonderful to me each day. What an amazing thing to create a family.
I feel very blessed to be in a country that allows me the freedom to have my family and make decisions regarding that with very little interference. I feel very blessed to have the life I do. I feel very blessed to be in a country where I have options regarding my childrens education . Its all about free agency and how lucky we are to have it.
No idea where this tangent came from..lol. It is probably from a story a friend of mine told about some of the things she was going through and I could really identify with her. So, sorry if its off topic and meandering.
Until next time.
Mrs. F.
ps. I want to send healing vibes to my sister in law who is currently dealing with some rough health issues. We love you and you are in our prayers. If we can do anything don't hesitate to call.
Thursday, August 21, 2008
Saturday, August 16, 2008
Mrs. F. Finally figured it out. Oh yea and Poop and Streakers.
So this past week was mixed as far as how it went. Many things happened but mostly it just flew by.First off I apologize for making my blog private. It never dawned on me that I could have to easy to manage blogs here in the blogosphere. One private and one public. Problem fixed. So this will likely be my sunshine and roses blog and the other one based in reality. LOL.
So to begin from where I left off last time. I feel better. not 100% but better. So that is a blessing. I will be starting my jewelry business soon so I am excited about that and FP offered his slave services in any capacity I choose to further this endeavor. I think I will just take advantage of his willingness to help and just ravage his body. Yea thats good.
Lets see what happened in the world of the fam.
MTA went to stay a week at her Aunts and LOVED it. She had a blast from what she tells us and existed on junkfood, bad movies and discussions about poop. Don't ask me it's her fathers sister. LOL. No we love that she had a great time although this Aunt may well be known as the Poop Whisperer from now on. Her hubby to be will be getting a nickname soon enough!
Mr. Literal had a rough start to the week as he took on the crux of MTA's chores while she was gone although he did stellar. He has also taken it upon himself to do much of the dinner time cooking. Last night he made shepards pie. The day before it was pot roast. He is an amazing 11yr old boy. He told FP and I tonight he wants to be a famous chef. SCORE!
Sketch had a low key week but his favorite friend has come back to visit every morning again. She is a young girl I do daycare for before school everyday. They were best pals last year but alas it seems Sketch has entered the girls have cooties stage. That and the fact that she tries to beat him and his brothers up fairly frequenly. ( She is a special needs child who has a lot of emotional/mental problems but generally in the morning she does well. Most days anyway )
Walker TR has found a new friend in his cousin as well as a little girl MTA and I switch off doing daycare for. Yesterday I had the three musketeers here and it was astonishing how fast bonds can form between children. I love that. Walker has also found that he is the Baby Whisperer. We have a 1yr baby girl that we watch she is the little sister to LMP mentioned below. Walker found that he and she are pals. He walked around with her on his hip and smiled every time she reached for him. In fact she slept on his chest for 45 min one day. Any idea how hard it is for a 7yr old to stay still that long? I have never seen him so proud of himself that he was tending her.
Superman had a rough week. I swear that kid couldn't walk upright without stubbing, banging something or slipping. However he discovered the art of jumping on the bed. Took him longer than most and I have a sneaky suspicion that my girlfriends daughter taught him this. So this week he was caught jumping on FP and I's bed, the livingroom couch, the family room couch, his bed, FP's chair and there was an incident with the bathtub and a misguided attempt to find fun in falling backward into the tub while sitting on the edge. Yea he taught that one to my friends daughter. Turn about is fair play I tell ya! Especially in the corrupting of children.
Speaking of my girlfriends daughter. We shall call her Little Miss Princess. LMP.
LMP and Superman are tight. Go everywhere together , eat off the same plate if I'd let them, tight. Ok so it shouldn't surprise you when I tell you they decided they needed to do potty duty together. ( No not on the same pot, thank god they didn't think of that. yet.) So one on the big chair one on the potty chair. Aww how cute. Yea. So I go into the bathroom about 20 min after they did their potty jot only to find my bathroom sink.... clogged. I bet you can't see where I'm going with this.
No I bet you can't.
So upon further investigation I discover my sink is clogged....with POOP. OMG.
The first thought that goes through my head. " Oh FP will love this job" ( He didn't) Second thought. " How the #$%& did poop get down the sink? I mean really, how? Was it forced? " Fade to black and re emerge with me checking the childrens hands for EVIDENCE! No to make them wash their hands. So I stand there a moment and having no idea what to do, I walk away. I cleaned up a bit and then walked away. I knew FP would be home soon and without tools there was no fixing this.
OMG POOP *shakes head*
So FP took care of it eventually but yea that was an experience. Imagine a family of 8 plus the daycare kids in and out of here, last night we had 9 kids here . Only one bathroom sink for even a short time is horrifying.
Back to Superman. Superman like his nakedness. He thinks all should wonder at his nakedness. Marvel really. He is a 4 yr old flasher.
So last night after playing in the pool he gets his bathrobe on and begins his routine. He runs around screaming at the top of his lungs and flashes everyone in the family. Flash seems a mild term. He waggles. It's hilarious but not something I want to foster in him so I tell him to put it away. " Superman put away your Pintu'!"
He runs off laughing. The doorbell rings. ..........I look at FP and he says" I have no idea who that is" We both get out of bed , we were settling down for the night. Or trying to. I suddenly remember that Superman is naked. This will be enlightening to whomever braved the walls of this house. I look around and wade through the mass of children at the door to find our dear friends had brought pizza and cake. Yes they are beloved.
I hear feet coming down the hall rather fast. Little feet. Superman is missing in the mass of children greeting our guests. YIKES! I turn just in time to see Superman skid across the floor in his socked feet , arms spread wide and glee on his face. The look of triumph and Ta Da! all rolled into one.
His face becomes one of shock, mine of relief. His little bod is dressed. However I can read every word his mind is churning as his face turns red.He thinks to himself.
I almost came out here naked!
That boy gives me the giggles. I love my family. Till next time.Mrs. F.
PS email me or leave a comment if you want an invite to my private blog. Invitations at my discretion.
PSS Cookbook blog coming soon!
So to begin from where I left off last time. I feel better. not 100% but better. So that is a blessing. I will be starting my jewelry business soon so I am excited about that and FP offered his slave services in any capacity I choose to further this endeavor. I think I will just take advantage of his willingness to help and just ravage his body. Yea thats good.
Lets see what happened in the world of the fam.
MTA went to stay a week at her Aunts and LOVED it. She had a blast from what she tells us and existed on junkfood, bad movies and discussions about poop. Don't ask me it's her fathers sister. LOL. No we love that she had a great time although this Aunt may well be known as the Poop Whisperer from now on. Her hubby to be will be getting a nickname soon enough!
Mr. Literal had a rough start to the week as he took on the crux of MTA's chores while she was gone although he did stellar. He has also taken it upon himself to do much of the dinner time cooking. Last night he made shepards pie. The day before it was pot roast. He is an amazing 11yr old boy. He told FP and I tonight he wants to be a famous chef. SCORE!
Sketch had a low key week but his favorite friend has come back to visit every morning again. She is a young girl I do daycare for before school everyday. They were best pals last year but alas it seems Sketch has entered the girls have cooties stage. That and the fact that she tries to beat him and his brothers up fairly frequenly. ( She is a special needs child who has a lot of emotional/mental problems but generally in the morning she does well. Most days anyway )
Walker TR has found a new friend in his cousin as well as a little girl MTA and I switch off doing daycare for. Yesterday I had the three musketeers here and it was astonishing how fast bonds can form between children. I love that. Walker has also found that he is the Baby Whisperer. We have a 1yr baby girl that we watch she is the little sister to LMP mentioned below. Walker found that he and she are pals. He walked around with her on his hip and smiled every time she reached for him. In fact she slept on his chest for 45 min one day. Any idea how hard it is for a 7yr old to stay still that long? I have never seen him so proud of himself that he was tending her.
Superman had a rough week. I swear that kid couldn't walk upright without stubbing, banging something or slipping. However he discovered the art of jumping on the bed. Took him longer than most and I have a sneaky suspicion that my girlfriends daughter taught him this. So this week he was caught jumping on FP and I's bed, the livingroom couch, the family room couch, his bed, FP's chair and there was an incident with the bathtub and a misguided attempt to find fun in falling backward into the tub while sitting on the edge. Yea he taught that one to my friends daughter. Turn about is fair play I tell ya! Especially in the corrupting of children.
Speaking of my girlfriends daughter. We shall call her Little Miss Princess. LMP.
LMP and Superman are tight. Go everywhere together , eat off the same plate if I'd let them, tight. Ok so it shouldn't surprise you when I tell you they decided they needed to do potty duty together. ( No not on the same pot, thank god they didn't think of that. yet.) So one on the big chair one on the potty chair. Aww how cute. Yea. So I go into the bathroom about 20 min after they did their potty jot only to find my bathroom sink.... clogged. I bet you can't see where I'm going with this.
No I bet you can't.
So upon further investigation I discover my sink is clogged....with POOP. OMG.
The first thought that goes through my head. " Oh FP will love this job" ( He didn't) Second thought. " How the #$%& did poop get down the sink? I mean really, how? Was it forced? " Fade to black and re emerge with me checking the childrens hands for EVIDENCE! No to make them wash their hands. So I stand there a moment and having no idea what to do, I walk away. I cleaned up a bit and then walked away. I knew FP would be home soon and without tools there was no fixing this.
OMG POOP *shakes head*
So FP took care of it eventually but yea that was an experience. Imagine a family of 8 plus the daycare kids in and out of here, last night we had 9 kids here . Only one bathroom sink for even a short time is horrifying.
Back to Superman. Superman like his nakedness. He thinks all should wonder at his nakedness. Marvel really. He is a 4 yr old flasher.
So last night after playing in the pool he gets his bathrobe on and begins his routine. He runs around screaming at the top of his lungs and flashes everyone in the family. Flash seems a mild term. He waggles. It's hilarious but not something I want to foster in him so I tell him to put it away. " Superman put away your Pintu'!"
He runs off laughing. The doorbell rings. ..........I look at FP and he says" I have no idea who that is" We both get out of bed , we were settling down for the night. Or trying to. I suddenly remember that Superman is naked. This will be enlightening to whomever braved the walls of this house. I look around and wade through the mass of children at the door to find our dear friends had brought pizza and cake. Yes they are beloved.
I hear feet coming down the hall rather fast. Little feet. Superman is missing in the mass of children greeting our guests. YIKES! I turn just in time to see Superman skid across the floor in his socked feet , arms spread wide and glee on his face. The look of triumph and Ta Da! all rolled into one.
His face becomes one of shock, mine of relief. His little bod is dressed. However I can read every word his mind is churning as his face turns red.He thinks to himself.
I almost came out here naked!
That boy gives me the giggles. I love my family. Till next time.Mrs. F.
PS email me or leave a comment if you want an invite to my private blog. Invitations at my discretion.
PSS Cookbook blog coming soon!
Sunday, August 10, 2008
Health update
suffice to say spiking a fever with big time cramping, after a miscarriage can't be good. I'm missing my nieces blessing today. I really wanted to go but it hurts to walk anywhere and I'm just so tired. It's a bummer of a day.
Doc tomorrow if I am not markedly better. No more for now, too tired.
Mrs.F
Doc tomorrow if I am not markedly better. No more for now, too tired.
Mrs.F
Saturday, August 9, 2008
Something I wrote years ago.
So here at my hse woue have had an ongoing problem with the children not putting things away. Nothing strange in regards to children. However what irks me to no end is when I ask one of the children to put something away and hand it to them AND tell them where to put it and instead of just doing as I ask, they stuff the item(s) somewhere thinking no one will know or find out.
So tonight when I woke up in the middle of the night and found my daughter had done just this I was irritated and then I had a moment of pure genius.
So this is what I wrote. :
Kayelee,
Hello again, remember us? We are two items your Loving Mother asked you KINDLY to put away last night. We must tell you we are unhappy with how you have treated us. We spent a most uncomfortable night sleeping where you carelessly tossed us. I would most prefer my home on the oven handle. I am usefull there. My friend the Blue T shirt is most at home on a warm body or in a tidy drawer. He tells me that he spent the night in the BATHROOM! I can't even imagine his embarassment when your Loving Mother came in. The horror!
Luckily, she saw me shoved among the books on the book shelf. They talked all night. It really was most annoying. We really must protest at how we have been treated. We are very usefull items and we were tossed aside as junk! How can we be usefull when we are not put in our proper place?! It was very scarey for us too.
Thank goodness your Loving and Devoted Mother was willing to write down our grievances. Otherwise we might never have gotten to tell you of the pain it causes T Shirt and Myself ( Blue Striped Dishrag esq) When you treat us so carelessly. It has made us so scared that we have decided to spend the next week with you.
Your Loving Mother has given us safety pins so that we won't EVER have to part from you for a whole week. A WHOLE WEEK! What fun! It is just what we need to get us back to feeling right and hopefully you will think twice before you treat good, usefull items like JUNK again. Your Loving Devoted and Kind Mother told us something and we agree! A place for everything and everything in its place. I feel much better now! See you soon. Sincerely,
Blue T Shirt and Blue Striped Dishrag esq
Rules for T shirts and Dishrags vacation.
1. Items must be pinned to outside of clothing at all times.
2. You must not use or soil items. IF they get dirty you are to wash and dry them right away and add laundering time to their vacation time. ( Sentence time)
3. You are not to complain or insult items. STIFF punishment may follow.
4. You cannot take items off of your clothing without Loving Mothers permission.
5. Breaking ANY rules will result in Firmer and less friendly consequences.
Mrs. F.
Thursday, August 7, 2008
Flip Flop Dilemma and Dutch Babies
It is 3 pm and I just got off the phone with my youngest sister in law. I love her. She might make me rethink my hatred of the phone. She is just someone I like. I feel really lucky that she thinks to call me and just say "hi"
I wanted to write a little about my families new found love affair with Dutch Babies. If you don't know what they are, then you don't have a MIL and SIL ( One of the eight I have , this one Im talking about is FP's second youngest sister. ) like I do. They are planning a brunch for sunday and I wanted to help. I was asked to make two Dutch Babies or Oven pancakes. I had never made one and had a vague idea of what they were but nothing more. MIL says I'll send you the recipe and you try it and see how it goes. I did. Let me just say our family now comsumes these puffy pans of yumminess , frequently.
I made two the first day. And that was about a week and a half ago. Since I have probably made, 8 more. LOL. I will post MIL's recipe here because I would be remiss not to share it. Needless to say we are all very greatful that MIL and SIL shared this with us. Breakfast will never be the same!
I wanted to make an amendment to my earlier post regarding MIL. She really is a kind lady and her egg deliver was only her way of helping ease our burden. I really do know that and appreciate that. I just have a pet peeve and it could have been anyone that dropped in , it just happened to be her.
On to the recipe:
GERMAN OVEN PANCAKE
6 TBLS. butter or marg.
7 eggs
1 cup flour
1 cup milk
Dash of salt
(Diced ham or crumbled sausage can be added if desired)
Heat the oven to 400. Melt the butter in a 9x 13 baking dish. Place allthe other ingredients in a blender and sap until well blended. Pour themixture into the buttered baking pan. (Sprinkle now with the meat.) Bake20 to 25 min. Serve with butter & syrup or fresh fruit and powderedsugar or with jams and jellies.
I have to make two for my family but I am sure one will feed a regular size family just fine although its yummy factor might just negate family size.
I make mine with diced ham and serve it with powdered sugar. SOOOOO GOOD.
I have to add that I have never gotten a recipe from MIL that we all didn't just love. So try it. Its quite possibly sin in a 9x13 in pan. *grin*
So to wrap this part up. Pet peeves aside I love my family. All billion of them.
I promised a story about our flip flop dilemma and here it comes. Superman once again the star of the show asks if he can go with FP and I to the store. He promises that if we take him " You'll be really happy" That always makes us smile. FP really enjoys Superman's cajoling because secretly FP really is happy when he takes Superman places. FP is happy when he takes the kids anywhere, most days. lol.
So Superman gets to go with us as well as Walker TR. Here comes the dilemma. Superman can't find his other flip flop. Yes he is his mothers son. I can never find two shoes at once. It's what FP is for. Anyway, the house stops in order to find Superman's renegade flip flop because I can see the tears forming as he begins to think he won't be able to go. FP has been known to leave without kids on his errands do to poor shoe organization practices . I recruit everyone in the house to find said flip flop. Five minutes later we have 5, yes 5, left foot flip flops. Of course we need the righty. Superman decides he has enough super powers to be able to wear two left flip flops. I consider it for about a half a second and then say " no, you need to have both feet. Because you do. Yes Superman you need both." So we eventually find both and off we go, only to have Superman kick them off the moment he gets into his carseat.
That is the nature of Superman. The shoes were the vehicle to get him where he wanted to go. Which was in the car. He makes me smile.
Before I go I wanted to share a bit about Sketch. He is the quiet one here. He is the thinker. The quiet feeler. You knever really know what he is thinking and the moments he lets you it, its really something. In the past few weeks he is never far from my side. I think perhaps he senses I am not quite myself. He just quietly exists with me but every so often he opens up with a jewel.
He saw a story about a kitten just born with two faces. He was quite disturbed by that fact but it was not how I perceived it at first. Sketch says" Mom! did you see that story about the kitten with two faces? I would be really sad if that happened. I wouldn't like it at all. " I asked him" You wouldn't like having a kitten like that?" He shakes his head " No, I think I would be really scared if that happened to me" I say" You would be scared if you had a kitten with two faces?" Sketch says" No he must be really scared, the kitten. I would be if I had two faces"
Now what struck me about his comment was that he automatically put himself in the kittens shoes. How the kitten must be feeling. Not in the shoes of the owner. I love that about him. The be able to see yourself in anothers shoes no matter how tragic , for one so young, I am continually impressed by him. All of the kids teach me but Sketch has a unique perspective, hes the artist, he expresses himself visually more often than he talks about how he feels. I love that about him.
now time to start dinner, roast chicken and zuchinni boats. not that anyone cares..LOL
until next time
Mrs. F.
I wanted to write a little about my families new found love affair with Dutch Babies. If you don't know what they are, then you don't have a MIL and SIL ( One of the eight I have , this one Im talking about is FP's second youngest sister. ) like I do. They are planning a brunch for sunday and I wanted to help. I was asked to make two Dutch Babies or Oven pancakes. I had never made one and had a vague idea of what they were but nothing more. MIL says I'll send you the recipe and you try it and see how it goes. I did. Let me just say our family now comsumes these puffy pans of yumminess , frequently.
I made two the first day. And that was about a week and a half ago. Since I have probably made, 8 more. LOL. I will post MIL's recipe here because I would be remiss not to share it. Needless to say we are all very greatful that MIL and SIL shared this with us. Breakfast will never be the same!
I wanted to make an amendment to my earlier post regarding MIL. She really is a kind lady and her egg deliver was only her way of helping ease our burden. I really do know that and appreciate that. I just have a pet peeve and it could have been anyone that dropped in , it just happened to be her.
On to the recipe:
GERMAN OVEN PANCAKE
6 TBLS. butter or marg.
7 eggs
1 cup flour
1 cup milk
Dash of salt
(Diced ham or crumbled sausage can be added if desired)
Heat the oven to 400. Melt the butter in a 9x 13 baking dish. Place allthe other ingredients in a blender and sap until well blended. Pour themixture into the buttered baking pan. (Sprinkle now with the meat.) Bake20 to 25 min. Serve with butter & syrup or fresh fruit and powderedsugar or with jams and jellies.
I have to make two for my family but I am sure one will feed a regular size family just fine although its yummy factor might just negate family size.
I make mine with diced ham and serve it with powdered sugar. SOOOOO GOOD.
I have to add that I have never gotten a recipe from MIL that we all didn't just love. So try it. Its quite possibly sin in a 9x13 in pan. *grin*
So to wrap this part up. Pet peeves aside I love my family. All billion of them.
I promised a story about our flip flop dilemma and here it comes. Superman once again the star of the show asks if he can go with FP and I to the store. He promises that if we take him " You'll be really happy" That always makes us smile. FP really enjoys Superman's cajoling because secretly FP really is happy when he takes Superman places. FP is happy when he takes the kids anywhere, most days. lol.
So Superman gets to go with us as well as Walker TR. Here comes the dilemma. Superman can't find his other flip flop. Yes he is his mothers son. I can never find two shoes at once. It's what FP is for. Anyway, the house stops in order to find Superman's renegade flip flop because I can see the tears forming as he begins to think he won't be able to go. FP has been known to leave without kids on his errands do to poor shoe organization practices . I recruit everyone in the house to find said flip flop. Five minutes later we have 5, yes 5, left foot flip flops. Of course we need the righty. Superman decides he has enough super powers to be able to wear two left flip flops. I consider it for about a half a second and then say " no, you need to have both feet. Because you do. Yes Superman you need both." So we eventually find both and off we go, only to have Superman kick them off the moment he gets into his carseat.
That is the nature of Superman. The shoes were the vehicle to get him where he wanted to go. Which was in the car. He makes me smile.
Before I go I wanted to share a bit about Sketch. He is the quiet one here. He is the thinker. The quiet feeler. You knever really know what he is thinking and the moments he lets you it, its really something. In the past few weeks he is never far from my side. I think perhaps he senses I am not quite myself. He just quietly exists with me but every so often he opens up with a jewel.
He saw a story about a kitten just born with two faces. He was quite disturbed by that fact but it was not how I perceived it at first. Sketch says" Mom! did you see that story about the kitten with two faces? I would be really sad if that happened. I wouldn't like it at all. " I asked him" You wouldn't like having a kitten like that?" He shakes his head " No, I think I would be really scared if that happened to me" I say" You would be scared if you had a kitten with two faces?" Sketch says" No he must be really scared, the kitten. I would be if I had two faces"
Now what struck me about his comment was that he automatically put himself in the kittens shoes. How the kitten must be feeling. Not in the shoes of the owner. I love that about him. The be able to see yourself in anothers shoes no matter how tragic , for one so young, I am continually impressed by him. All of the kids teach me but Sketch has a unique perspective, hes the artist, he expresses himself visually more often than he talks about how he feels. I love that about him.
now time to start dinner, roast chicken and zuchinni boats. not that anyone cares..LOL
until next time
Mrs. F.
4am and insomnia wins and a Cicada joins the family.
It's 4 am and here I sit. I'm a stewer. I mull things over, beat them to death in my mind, generally I make myself sick over things. It's tedious and DM says I need to grow a thicker skin. Maybe so. I kind of like the skin i'm in. It's taken me a long time to get to that point. I am not sure I would like being in it if it were any different. Still it means I wear my heart on my sleeve and internalize everything and every problem searching for some way to understand it or searching for how I could have done better and still come out me on the other end.
I hate how sometimes reconciling all of that is impossible. I do the best I can with what I've got and pray someone somewhere will "get" me and not hold me against myself. I try to do that for others , sometimes it takes me some time, but I get there. FP can attest to that. He knows I am not going to bring up old hurts to beat him with at a later date and I don't hold grudges. I don't have the memory for it. So I spent much of the evening inside myself stewing. FP went to bed and I went to the livingroom to "watch tv" aka think. Mr. Literal comes over and doesn't sit next to me but on the end of the sofa and casts glances over at me now and again. He begins to talk to me but I don't hear him. I realize he is talking and give him a questioning glance, he patiently repeats himself with no thought to my not listening to him in the first place, he just quietly gives me another shot. Then he asks me if I would like him to get me anything. My 11 yr old son wants to tend to me. Can he see me hurting ? I try very hard to be "normal" when I am upset. I just generally " check out" when I am focused on something.
The simple gesture touches me. He wants to be with me, he wants to talk to me. It won't always be this way but how did he know I needed that right now? We quietly each some cheese and crackers and grapes while the tv carries on. So often I worry about what others think, how they perceive me or my family, how my kids are going to grow up with me for a mom. So many things, I think most are universal for many people/moms. As I laid here in bed I began to wonder why I cared so much? Why does it matter if anyone but those who have chosen to be present in my lives, doesnt "get" me? Why does it matter how my thoughts or feelings are perceived when I know the intent and true feeling behind them? Then I hear DM in my head " It Doesn't, you're overthinking again"
Will I ever get to a point where I can say I know me and I am ok with who I turned out to be? Probably. Will I ever get to a point where I think I don't need improving? I hope not. I may not be where I want to be yet but I like where I am for now and I'll sip a Dr. Pepper and worry about the rest tomorrow.
Now for a change of pace. Miss Teenage Argumenative and I spent some time on the couch watching worthless tv shows tonight. It is funny that the older she gets the more she reminds me of myself at her age. Although she is smarter and far more mature than I ever was. As we blithely watched our show she noticed a buzzing sound and then we both shrieked as a Cicada rolled along the tile floor between us and the exit. Seemingly dead now we relaxed some. We looked at eachother as if determining which one of us was more deserving of bug detail. *instert suspense music here* It was silently decided that neither of us deserved such a task and I moved to go wake FP. It was then that the Cicada proved it was just pretending and ambushed MTW (miss teenage WIMPY) and myself with a barrage of buzzing and flying ( albeit not very well) that proved our previous shriek was not at all what it seemed. Now we both screamed and she hid under the pillows ( coward) and I ran off down the hall with a renewed resolve to get my white knight out of bed to save us from certain death.
He was awake due to previous screaming and said " cicada?" I hopped on the bed , lest it had followed me into the bedroom. ( as if a flying bug would ever have need to grab my ankles) . I said " yes! will you come kill it? " He rolls over and says " Have MTA get it." !!!!!!!!!!!! I proceed to tell him that MTA is my current screaming partner and that was impossible and he comes up with the brilliant plan to have Mr. Literal get the bug. Now under normal circumstances my 11yros would be happy to wrangle a bug for me but the problem was the GIANT villan was between us and Mr. Literal's bedroom. Now to me that poses a giant problem. FP went back to sleep. ( My Hero). So I bring out a bath towel with the intent to trap it underneath the towel and eventually shoo it outside again.
I had MTA the towel because she was closest to the evildoer ( NOT because I was scared. ) She moved to stand , I presume in order to trap the little bastage, but it played yet another trick on us and commenced buzzing and flying around. I made a quick exit and trusted MTA to do the towel thing. And as far as I am aware, she did and it sits under a blue bath towel in the livingroom. I am content to leave it there until morning. I wonder if I can train my dogs to eat Cicada's. I see a web search in my future.
So MTA and I go to bed and I'll worry about it tomorrow.
It was nice to step outside my own concerns and share a moment or two with those who mean the most to me.
Until next time.
MFAU
ps. remind me to tell you of our flip flop dilemma and our love affair with Dutch babies.
I hate how sometimes reconciling all of that is impossible. I do the best I can with what I've got and pray someone somewhere will "get" me and not hold me against myself. I try to do that for others , sometimes it takes me some time, but I get there. FP can attest to that. He knows I am not going to bring up old hurts to beat him with at a later date and I don't hold grudges. I don't have the memory for it. So I spent much of the evening inside myself stewing. FP went to bed and I went to the livingroom to "watch tv" aka think. Mr. Literal comes over and doesn't sit next to me but on the end of the sofa and casts glances over at me now and again. He begins to talk to me but I don't hear him. I realize he is talking and give him a questioning glance, he patiently repeats himself with no thought to my not listening to him in the first place, he just quietly gives me another shot. Then he asks me if I would like him to get me anything. My 11 yr old son wants to tend to me. Can he see me hurting ? I try very hard to be "normal" when I am upset. I just generally " check out" when I am focused on something.
The simple gesture touches me. He wants to be with me, he wants to talk to me. It won't always be this way but how did he know I needed that right now? We quietly each some cheese and crackers and grapes while the tv carries on. So often I worry about what others think, how they perceive me or my family, how my kids are going to grow up with me for a mom. So many things, I think most are universal for many people/moms. As I laid here in bed I began to wonder why I cared so much? Why does it matter if anyone but those who have chosen to be present in my lives, doesnt "get" me? Why does it matter how my thoughts or feelings are perceived when I know the intent and true feeling behind them? Then I hear DM in my head " It Doesn't, you're overthinking again"
Will I ever get to a point where I can say I know me and I am ok with who I turned out to be? Probably. Will I ever get to a point where I think I don't need improving? I hope not. I may not be where I want to be yet but I like where I am for now and I'll sip a Dr. Pepper and worry about the rest tomorrow.
Now for a change of pace. Miss Teenage Argumenative and I spent some time on the couch watching worthless tv shows tonight. It is funny that the older she gets the more she reminds me of myself at her age. Although she is smarter and far more mature than I ever was. As we blithely watched our show she noticed a buzzing sound and then we both shrieked as a Cicada rolled along the tile floor between us and the exit. Seemingly dead now we relaxed some. We looked at eachother as if determining which one of us was more deserving of bug detail. *instert suspense music here* It was silently decided that neither of us deserved such a task and I moved to go wake FP. It was then that the Cicada proved it was just pretending and ambushed MTW (miss teenage WIMPY) and myself with a barrage of buzzing and flying ( albeit not very well) that proved our previous shriek was not at all what it seemed. Now we both screamed and she hid under the pillows ( coward) and I ran off down the hall with a renewed resolve to get my white knight out of bed to save us from certain death.
He was awake due to previous screaming and said " cicada?" I hopped on the bed , lest it had followed me into the bedroom. ( as if a flying bug would ever have need to grab my ankles) . I said " yes! will you come kill it? " He rolls over and says " Have MTA get it." !!!!!!!!!!!! I proceed to tell him that MTA is my current screaming partner and that was impossible and he comes up with the brilliant plan to have Mr. Literal get the bug. Now under normal circumstances my 11yros would be happy to wrangle a bug for me but the problem was the GIANT villan was between us and Mr. Literal's bedroom. Now to me that poses a giant problem. FP went back to sleep. ( My Hero). So I bring out a bath towel with the intent to trap it underneath the towel and eventually shoo it outside again.
I had MTA the towel because she was closest to the evildoer ( NOT because I was scared. ) She moved to stand , I presume in order to trap the little bastage, but it played yet another trick on us and commenced buzzing and flying around. I made a quick exit and trusted MTA to do the towel thing. And as far as I am aware, she did and it sits under a blue bath towel in the livingroom. I am content to leave it there until morning. I wonder if I can train my dogs to eat Cicada's. I see a web search in my future.
So MTA and I go to bed and I'll worry about it tomorrow.
It was nice to step outside my own concerns and share a moment or two with those who mean the most to me.
Until next time.
MFAU
ps. remind me to tell you of our flip flop dilemma and our love affair with Dutch babies.
Wednesday, August 6, 2008
Changing Chapters and a Lingering Sadness
I didn't blog yesterday because I have been trying to "just deal" with some things that have been weighing heavily on me. I find that day by day I just am not "dealing" as well as I hoped I would. First being hubby and I just suffered our 3rd miscarriage in 4 years. It's funny how no amount of logic can mute the fact that it just hurts. Then there are the insensitive people that say well you have so many already. And those that while meaning well just say " im so sorry" and expect you to be fine the next day. Or even a week later. Needless to say I have not been on my A game for the past month. I started spotting over a month ago. So I haven't been myself and unfortunately being human, it shows.
Secondly, a dear friend came to me with a problem she was having and during the course of the conversation it was revealed that for several years of knowing this person, that I didn't really know some important things about her. Now thats not to say that a friendship is a ticket to all knowing about another person. However we called it a sisterhood and to me that implies a deeper connection. For whatever reason she hid a large part of herself from me and when it was revealed ( during the course of the conversation in dealing with her "problem" ) I was hurt at being so far outfield. Needless to say things are not going well with said friend and because I was hurt by being on the perifery of her life I have discovered that , that makes me self centered among other things. At least in her eyes.
I think it is absurd to think that a person wouldn't be hurt by such a revelation after years of being led to believe that you and another person supposedly share a close bond. Regardless I find the more I think about it the more I just have a lingering sadness about the whole thing. However I am going to rely on my own understanding of who I am and trust that truth will out. It always does. Hopefully my friend sees that I care about her and would never try and hurt her but in the end I have to matter too. Truth be told I haven't felt that in this relationship for a long time.
Thats ok, people change, life changes. The older I get the more I look for different things in friendships than I did several years ago. I am sure the same is for everyone. Perhaps I just don't fit her needs anymore. Perhaps if I am honest, she doesn't fit mine either. I sure would hate to see it end though. I would much rather see it continue to evolve but if there is anything I have learned in this life, it's that no matter how hard you try you can't create yourself in another person. And why would you want to? I hope that things work out but no matter what it's a life lesson. Perhaps I am too forthcoming in friendships, perhaps I give too much of myself emotionally, trust too far and expect far too much. Perhaps I do react to my own hurts instead of focusing on someone else . Perhaps I put too much emphasis on trust and sharing in a friendship and that shouldn't matter as much as other things. There is no doubt in my mind that she was a good friend to me and I tried to be good to her. However in the past year or more there has been a widening gap between us and that is something we both are responsible for. Hopefully time will mend things and there will be a renewed chance at friendship. I'd sure hate to see it end. Yet still my heart hurts at the idea that somehow this was a test I failed.
On to other things. Today was largely low key, but once again my pet peeve was triggered. ( or one of my pet peeves anyway). I hate drop ins. I hate when people just show up. It throws my day off, I feel caught off guard and unprepared. Most people who know me know this about me and just call first. If I answer the phone generally I will say sure come on over. But please call first. If I don't answer then probably one of two things is going on : 1. I am not home, 2. I am busy and don't want to bother with the phone. If that makes me rude so be it. I hate the phone unless I am talking to one of my girlfriends of DM or FP. I just do. I will return the call when I can. but don't just show up.
Today for instance. My MIL (Mother in law) shows up with eggs. It was as random as that. Just eggs. I am helping cater a brunch on sunday and she wanted to make sure I had enough eggs. Of course she comes over when its the worst time. The kids are playing , MTA is babysitting while I rest because I am still cramping from miscarrying. So I look like hell and feel worse and she shows up and she asks what are we doing? I wanted to scream. Of course she knows I was sleeping and somehow I feel a silent judgement about it. Wether its real or imagined I don't know but it's there. And then I stew about it all afternoon because WHY should I ever feel guilty for resting when I need it? Or napping ? ever? Does that make me somehow a less than mom? So if people would just call before they show up I could save myself all of this aggravation. I am just weary, it feels like on every side I am just falling short. Perhaps that is the mom in me. Perhaps I really am. I just wish I didn't feel like I was changing life chapters as fast as my underwear.
It should be noted MIL is a nice woman but through the course of my marriage I have felt....a certain disapproval. Perhaps every wife does.
anyway not a witty or even very enjoyable post but I feel better for posting it.
Ill try harder tomorrow. I always do.
MFAU
Secondly, a dear friend came to me with a problem she was having and during the course of the conversation it was revealed that for several years of knowing this person, that I didn't really know some important things about her. Now thats not to say that a friendship is a ticket to all knowing about another person. However we called it a sisterhood and to me that implies a deeper connection. For whatever reason she hid a large part of herself from me and when it was revealed ( during the course of the conversation in dealing with her "problem" ) I was hurt at being so far outfield. Needless to say things are not going well with said friend and because I was hurt by being on the perifery of her life I have discovered that , that makes me self centered among other things. At least in her eyes.
I think it is absurd to think that a person wouldn't be hurt by such a revelation after years of being led to believe that you and another person supposedly share a close bond. Regardless I find the more I think about it the more I just have a lingering sadness about the whole thing. However I am going to rely on my own understanding of who I am and trust that truth will out. It always does. Hopefully my friend sees that I care about her and would never try and hurt her but in the end I have to matter too. Truth be told I haven't felt that in this relationship for a long time.
Thats ok, people change, life changes. The older I get the more I look for different things in friendships than I did several years ago. I am sure the same is for everyone. Perhaps I just don't fit her needs anymore. Perhaps if I am honest, she doesn't fit mine either. I sure would hate to see it end though. I would much rather see it continue to evolve but if there is anything I have learned in this life, it's that no matter how hard you try you can't create yourself in another person. And why would you want to? I hope that things work out but no matter what it's a life lesson. Perhaps I am too forthcoming in friendships, perhaps I give too much of myself emotionally, trust too far and expect far too much. Perhaps I do react to my own hurts instead of focusing on someone else . Perhaps I put too much emphasis on trust and sharing in a friendship and that shouldn't matter as much as other things. There is no doubt in my mind that she was a good friend to me and I tried to be good to her. However in the past year or more there has been a widening gap between us and that is something we both are responsible for. Hopefully time will mend things and there will be a renewed chance at friendship. I'd sure hate to see it end. Yet still my heart hurts at the idea that somehow this was a test I failed.
On to other things. Today was largely low key, but once again my pet peeve was triggered. ( or one of my pet peeves anyway). I hate drop ins. I hate when people just show up. It throws my day off, I feel caught off guard and unprepared. Most people who know me know this about me and just call first. If I answer the phone generally I will say sure come on over. But please call first. If I don't answer then probably one of two things is going on : 1. I am not home, 2. I am busy and don't want to bother with the phone. If that makes me rude so be it. I hate the phone unless I am talking to one of my girlfriends of DM or FP. I just do. I will return the call when I can. but don't just show up.
Today for instance. My MIL (Mother in law) shows up with eggs. It was as random as that. Just eggs. I am helping cater a brunch on sunday and she wanted to make sure I had enough eggs. Of course she comes over when its the worst time. The kids are playing , MTA is babysitting while I rest because I am still cramping from miscarrying. So I look like hell and feel worse and she shows up and she asks what are we doing? I wanted to scream. Of course she knows I was sleeping and somehow I feel a silent judgement about it. Wether its real or imagined I don't know but it's there. And then I stew about it all afternoon because WHY should I ever feel guilty for resting when I need it? Or napping ? ever? Does that make me somehow a less than mom? So if people would just call before they show up I could save myself all of this aggravation. I am just weary, it feels like on every side I am just falling short. Perhaps that is the mom in me. Perhaps I really am. I just wish I didn't feel like I was changing life chapters as fast as my underwear.
It should be noted MIL is a nice woman but through the course of my marriage I have felt....a certain disapproval. Perhaps every wife does.
anyway not a witty or even very enjoyable post but I feel better for posting it.
Ill try harder tomorrow. I always do.
MFAU
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
