Confessions from the Motherhood

Sick, Sad and Disappointed

2011-01-20T19:24:00.001-08:00

Well I finally got this stupid virus and I got it so well that I may have to see a Doc if my fever goes up another point. I am writing this during my one hour of lucidity, the rest of the time I have been chattering in bed and wishing it was a week from now. It seems we get this bout of illness around the same time each year and our whole family gets it and it lingers. No amount of quarantine or sanitizing keeps it at bay. Everyone gets it and then we get the follow up virus. For the record this year the second virus is worse than the original. In essence we are sick for 2 months or more and then we do ok for the rest of the year. A kid may get the odd virus but it doesnt keep them down much and usually not everyone gets it. Huzzah!

That pretty much sums up the sick part. Onto the sadness. Having callings in the church is not always easy and generally they are worth it but it kills me to see someone I love being wished to fail. Sometimes I think people forget that we are supposed to be a ward family and try to think the best of eachother instead of assume the worst. How come that is so hard for some people to do? I won't go into details except to say that my heart hurts for my loved one because I know they are trying but it is so hard to succeed when some people around you just really want you to fail so they can have back whatever they feel they have lost when someone else gets the calling.

I am so sad.
Disappointed that I cannot fix what is going on or help my loved one to feel good about their calling. Especially when I can't say I support the program as it is and have removed one of my children from it months ago. I understand how my loved one feels. It is so hard to want to be a part of something that you feel has been overtaken by some people who are overzealous and have run not just my family out of the program but others too. I literally sat with a sister as she cried over her calling in this program as she detailed how she felt unwelcome and like a usurper and treated as if she was inept and wrong at every turn. How can people grow in their calling and in the spirit if they feel such a strong opposition to everything they are trying to do?

I am disappointed that it seems this program has deviated from being youth led . I won't say more because I just needed to vent, my heart is heavy and being sick I am sure makes it worse. I just hope my loved one knows how much I love them and support them.

I don't think the answer is to throw in the towel and take our remaining children out of the program but sometimes that is really what we want to do. It's so hard.
Mrs.F

Updates and gratitude!

2010-10-09T05:18:00.000-07:00

It seems I am always apologizing for not blogging more so why break with tradition right?

Sorry I haven't been around lately. We have had some technical difficulties with our net provider and I have been really busy with life in general.

I promised a few posts ago to give updates on the entire fam so I intend to do that now since I am so remiss and have put it off far too long.

Superman ( our youngest) has had an eventful few months. He has lost 4 teeth, two naturally and 2 by virtue of horseplay. He has discovered the art of humor and let me tell you he is a quick wit. Who knew a 6 year old could make you laugh until your sides split?
Superman has also discovered that being the youngest has certain perks. He has learned that if he pretends to cry and loudly, his older siblings will do almost anything to get him to stop. Ahh manipulation.
Superman has learned to use a computer and is learning to read and write. He has made such progress in even just the last week. It is really amazing to watch him learn.
Superman went on his first family campout and discovered that he loves peeing on trees, hates outhouses, loves firepits and has a special fondness for anyone who gives him hot chocolate before his parents wake up.

Next we have WalkerTR. WalkerTR has had a great couple of months too. He is excited for his new cousins to arrive. He has discovered that he enjoys taking care of little kids and he wants to learn to cook. He is currently plowing through his math book with ease and has discovered a real love for reading. ( WOOHOO!)
WalkerTR also enjoyed the campout but for different reasons. He loves the outdoors and found hiking and exploring to be great fun. He also enjoyed the games one of our friends brought and played them for hours.
Walker TR has a best friend. Big news here in homeschool land. His new BF is a neighbor boy who has either adopted our family or been adopted by us. We can't really decide which. He spends a LOT of time here and has just integrated himself right into our life easy as pie. So he shall now be known as Aloha Dude. More on Aloha Dude later.

This brings us to Sketch. Sketch has been very busy the past few months as well. Sketch has continued his artwork but has also gravitated to cooking and has decided he wants to run a restaurant with me when he gets older. His new favorite show is Man vs Food on the travel channel. He has also discovered a new love for reading but to a lesser extent that his brother.
Sketch had some great experiences at the family campout as well but his favorite moment I think was when he was hiking with some family friends and his brothers, he discovered an old axe head. Further down the path he then discovered a broke axe handle and proceeded to spend the rest of the campout reassembling the axe. He is very proud of his discovery and intends to make it into wall art for his room.
Sketch has moved into his own room. We gave him his own space because we felt he was growing frusterated with sharing with his two youngest brothers. Since he has had his new room he has kept it clean every single day. He gets that from Farty Papa lol.

Next we have Macguyver Jr. Mac Jr has moved into his own room as well and has not been as successful at keeping it clean but he is trying. Mac Jr has enjoyed scouting and is currently working on his next big milestone . He enjoyed the campout and showed his dad and I that he really is a young man. That kid seriously knew more about taught lines, knots , propane stoves and fires than I ever thought possible. He is so smart and the first one to help lift, carry, set up, load, unload. He really made his parents burdens lighter at the campout. I never want to camp without him. EVER.
Mac Jr is trucking right along in his education. He averages a book a day for reading and has determined to have as little help as possible to complete his assignments.
Mac Jr's biggest achievement in the past few months I think has been his transition from young boy to young man. He truly has impressed me and his dad over and over with his willingness to help with the big stuff. It is bittersweet to see my little boy grow up so fast. He is taller than I am now and he is only 13.

MTA has had an eventful few months as well. Between school work, socializing, dances and church activities she is busier than ever. She was called to serve as President of her young womens age group and has been asked to speak at a fireside this month. It is a stake fireside and it is kind of a big deal :)
MTA has had some struggles too, it is hard being a teenage girl and navigating the world of girlfriends but she never ceases to amaze me at how she always trys to be a good person and her ability to forgive is really humbling. Amazing how kids teach us isn't it?
MTA has also gotten her drivers permit. Where did all the time go? My memories of her as a baby are still so vivid. How did she get to be here and how is it that I am not prepared? So now we embark on the driving lessons for the next six months.
Next we have our oldest son who has had some of the biggest milestones . He graduated from high school this past summer and has spent his summer working and hanging out with friends. We still see him every other weekend as per his request. We love that. He just started college and took on a second job so we see him less but that is the nature of a college student. He is working toward moving out on his own . He wants to be in law enforcement and his jobs both have to do with loss prevention for retail chains here in town. He really likes his job and they give him on the job training that is in line with his education. I really admire his dedication to his future to work full time ( 2 jobs) and go to school full time is a really hard life to carve out for himself but if anyone can do it. He can.

Farty Papa has had some of his own milestones at work and he continues to work hard . His office has had record months for three months in a row and they were just upgraded to an A store from a B store. This means they can have more employees and greater earning potential. He enjoys his job and I really like to see him come home from his job tired but content. Farty Papa was tasked with being the 11 yr old scout leader for our church boy scout troop. He is just getting it off the ground but his sons Sketch and Walker TR are thrilled with the idea that their dad is their scout leader.
Farty Papa and I celebrated our 16th wedding anniversary this summer. We didn't do anything fancy but thats kind of the great thing about being married for so long. Dinner and a nice conversation really go a long way to edifying ones soul. Sure love him.
As for me well a lot has gone on but I want to keep this post about the fam, I can talk about me any time. Next post I will try to recall all that I have been up to.
All my love
Mrs. F

A new perspective comes a new design

2010-07-27T17:34:00.000-07:00

It has been quite some time since my last post and in that time tons has happened that I should have chronicled but I didn't. We have had two deaths in the family, a couple of new babies that are still cooking but will be here soon. ( not me) Our oldest has graduated from high school and is now in college. We have had girls camp, scout camp, Picnics at the park, sleepovers, ER visits, bbqs and the list goes on and on. I have lots of pictures and yet when it comes to putting them on the blog I am totally impaired. I have no clue how to add them. I used to know but it escapes me now.

My brother lost his newborn son recently and while he and I are not close, I feel such an ache for him. We know the pain of losing a child and it is one that somehow never leaves you. It changes but in some ways never dulls like the death of someone who has lived and tasted life. All of your hopes and dreams for that child and what could have been are the reminders that you take with you when you say goodbye. That is a pain that lingers. So I hurt for him and his wife and hope that their ache lessens with time.

A few weeks ago my grandfather passed away. He was the only real father I ever knew. I can remember times with him where he really nurtured my spirit. He encouraged me to do what I wanted to do and to trust myself. He trusted me when no one else did. He loved me like a father when I thought I was never supposed to have a dad. He loved his wife unconditionally and showed me how I should expect to be treated. He worked hard and showed me that there was pride in a job well done and life well lived. He loved totally, partied entirely, hurt privately and supported unconditionally. He never asked for more than he had and gave of himself before having to be asked. He raised a mom for me that is strong, unique, smart and independant. Someone who would teach me those things and allow him to be the example of the kind of man I should look for in my own spouse. I was lucky to have known him, blessed to have loved him and even more blessed to have been loved by him.

He succeeded in teaching me many things but the thing I am most grateful for is he taught me not to settle for less than I deserved. His influence in my life , I attribute to the husband I have and the life I lead. I owe him more than I could ever articulate and my gift to him will be to raise my own children to appreciate all the qualities I loved in him, in their own father.

On a different note we have had a lot of summer fun. We were not able to go away for vacation this year but Farty Papa did have a vacation in which we spent watching movies and letting him get some much needed rest. He spent time with the kids and it was the first time in a long time that he was able to just BE and not feel the pressures of life.

I will give specific updates on all of the children later but generally speaking we have had a good summer. We have spent it with dear friends and family doing all the summer activities we love. There is never enough time to do everything we want to do but we sure tried .

On one such summer night Superman had a friend sleep over and during a bit of rough housing he knocked his front teeth out on the wooden frame of a fouton. Much weeping and wailing was heard across the land as Farty Papa and I embarked on an ER trip to see if he was ok and to ensure he lost none of his super powers along with his teeth. The doctor was unconcerned and said to Superman to make sure to get a lot of loot from the tooth fairy. So I carried his teeth home and we waited for the tooth fairy and all was well in the land. Except that I was ill prepared to have to present my sons front teeth to the doctor. Even still it makes me a little sad. Somehow he looks so much more grown up now.

I hope to be updating on a more regular basis now and adding pictures as well.
until next time
Mrs. Flabby

Trials and faith.

2010-04-15T10:00:00.000-07:00

Currently we are going through a struggle. I am trying to remain positive because to be fair, we don't have near the struggles we used to have. This is due in part to a really wonderful support system we have in friends and family and also due to my husband being employed after a long time period where he was unable to find work.

Over the years we have had many struggles of all kinds but mostly of a financial nature. We still struggle financially, as do many families in this economy. I oddly feel blessed that the struggles we have , while serious and important and can be devastating, they aren't life and death. I have healthy children thank heavens. I have a loving husband whom continues to work hard with me to make sure our marriage is strong. Illness and family issues would seem to me to be insurmountable and I am unsure how I would manage those trials. I feel very blessed to have the trials I have. I know that sounds ridiculous. Who feels blessed to have trials?

I suppose I just feel blessed because they are trials I know. Struggles I am familiar with and honestly they are not as severe as they used to be. It doesn't seem to get easier to handle these trials but they seem farther apart in occurence. To me that is progress by golly!
In this past month we have had both of our vehicles break down. A flub with our bank account that led to us having to eat hundreds of dollars thanks to the lovely bank we have. I lost my tutoring job due to them not having the money to pay for the lessons anymore. Things just continue to compile. Like most families now , we live paycheck to paycheck. If several hundred dollars has to be used to fix cars or gets eaten by the bank, we feel that for a very very long time and suddenly we have the snowball effect. Does anyone else experience this? You have one problem that creates another and then another. Suddenly you are faced with a crisis that reminds you how very close you are to being in a place you never saw yourself.
A couple of years ago I would have really struggled making sense of it all but lately I really feel like these are opportunities for my faith to be strengthened. It is easy to say you have faith when things are good. When they are easy but when things are bad and your faith is tested, those are the moments when you know your mettle. When you know what you need to work on. I am listening extra close right now to try and hear what I am supposed to learn.

I know I have things I need to work on to become who I want to be, we all have things that we know we need to change. So moments like this when I feel unhappy about a trial I am facing, I am going to focus on what I can change in me and then who I can serve outside myself. Serving others has always been a great way to feel better. Not better in the way some think. Some people think others serve because they are greedy and are trying to garner blessings for themselves, I have heard people say that others serve so they can feel better about their station in life. AKA They give to others so they can feel good about their wealth. I think those are foolish ideas and I have never met a person who has served my family in any capacity that I felt was serving me so they could show off their wealth. I just don't think people do that.

I serve others because it makes me take the focus off of myself and feeling sorry for myself and focus on someone else. Someone who may or may not be worse off than me but in the end I need to serve others because always looking inward prevents you from growing your life outward. So I am trusting that this situation will get itself taken care of or we will be presented with a way to remedy our situation and turn my focus onto people outside of me that perhaps in some small way I can serve.
I feel better for just putting this down .
talk more later
Mrs. F.

Curious

2010-03-21T04:15:00.000-07:00

Seems I lost a fan yesterday. It always makes me curious when things like this happen because usually I have no idea why lol.

When writing a blog, they are usually insanely personal and often riddled with things that might otherwise be private. Often times we put ourselves out there and hope that people " get " us. We overshare and often open ourselves to ridicule or negativity. You hope that people can see who you are behind clumsily written words or thoughts expressed haphazardly and awkwardly.

You hope that people that come across your writings, opt for the benefit of the doubt and don't rush to judge to quickly or harshly.

So when something happens, someone leaves a nasty comment or they leave all together you are often left to wonder what exactly happened. Now most bloggers, at least all those that I follow and read, would never knowingly say something to cause issues. Normally we are just venting, pondering, documenting or capturing our lives much like a journal. Blogs to me are very personal and something that is different for everyone. Some people mommy blog and only talk about things that are upbeat , fun or funny. Much like a scrapbook of a life. Some people blog their creative writings or accomplishments in their career. Some people blog a hodge podge mix of things that don't really have rhyme or reason except they are personal to the writer and therefor prudent and relevant to them. Some people blog like a diary, deeply personal and private things that occur in their lives and blogging helps them navigate situations and problems.
Some bloggers do all of this and more.

I have rarely come across a blog where I was impressed to leave a nasty remark or say something negative to someone. Perhaps it is because I don't look at someone's personal musings have having anything to do with me personally so therefor not really my place to judge or ridicule.

Now I have stopped reading blogs due to content or that simply they have deviated from a path where I have much in common with the person so it really doesn't hold my interest anymore. Nothing sinister though.

All of this leads to this , I posted something personal a couple of days back and while I don't know what was said, a comment was left and then deleted, and then a person left as a follower. Now this could all be coincidence and be completley benign. The person could have deleted their account. The commenter could have just decided they didn't like what they said. It all could be nothing.
In case in isn't nothing though:
I didn't think I wrote anything controversial or bad in my post but just in case I took it down pending my going over it at a later date. The only reason I decided to address this is not because I particularly am bothered by someone no longer reading my blog. I don't blog for others. The reason I brought this up is because I wanted to state that if anyone ever has an issue or a comment please feel free to post and know I will treat you with the same respect you give me. If there ever is an issue , it cannot be clarified or resolved without being brought to light and addressed.

I would hope that those few who do read here, would know me well enough by now to be able to come to me either by commenting below or privately if I have ever said anything that strikes a nerve. That is not to say that I will retract or even change my thoughts but perhaps I can clarify something I worded badly or perhaps someone elses perspective can help me see a different side.

So often we go through life afraid of someone's reaction , I know I have felt that a few times since writing this blog. I would hate to think that anyone reading this would be afraid to be themselves here. Anyway, perhaps it is nothing and all this is for the sole purpose to let those few who do read here, that their comments are welcome all the time regardless of wether we agree or not.

I appreciate all of you who do read and comment. It is always nice to hear what people have to say.

talk again soon
Mrs. Flabby

Today and always

2009-11-26T12:34:00.000-08:00

I am, I was, I do, I did.

I am Greatful
I was Blessed
I am Honored
I Loved
I Laughed
I Hugged
I do Remember
I Hope
I am overwhelmed

For all who have touched our lives this year and in years past, you can't know the gratitude I have. Every day I am faced with how good and kind and faithful people are. Thank you to those who have, loved, forgiven,blessed, cared for, lifted up, held, taught,tended,nurtured and in all other ways shown your love for me and mine. Thank you to all who have allowed me and mine to love,bless,care for, lift up,hold,teach,tend,nurture and in all other ways let us love you.

You will never truly know what you mean to us but perhaps this can be a small sampling of what you mean to me. Words cannot express the depth of feeling I have.

I am greatful for the gospel that has taught me to keep trying to be better.

A husband who is my best friend but more than that he is my best person. I want to be better for him. For not seeing my faults and turning my pain into laughter. For spending time and creating memories. For allowing me to lead sometimes and then allowing me to follow. For driving even when he doesn't need to. For working hard to give us the best life he can. For giving our sons the priesthood. For my baptism.

For sisters who gave me a chance when I was new and afraid. Who continue to love me through my faults and allow me to love them.

For my children who are examples to me everyday and who endure my hugs and snuggles without complaint. Who give me hope for the future of this world.

For mothers , who surround me every day. For giving me a chance to love their children and share such a special part of their live with me.

For My mother who loves quietly and laughs loudly. Who taught me there was far more to life than the rules. That life isn't black and white and that grey can be fun. Who loved me even though I like black and white. Who continues to love some despite the pain. Who taught me to sing and clapped the loudest on opening night. Who loved me when I had no one else and made it feel like it was the whole world.

For my Mother in law who effortlessly orchestrates her huge family with the long arms of her love. Who taught me that there is strength in faith and that some things have infinite worth. Who taught me the merit in patience and virtue. Who quietly forgives and continues to be an example.

For my Father in law who teases my kids and smiles at me. Who acted like a dad to me even when I didn't appreciate it. Who reminds me he loves me and does so without expectation. Who loves his son the way his son loves his children. For teaching his son to be the man he is today.

For best friends who don't see dirty houses or messy kids. Who don't see dirty clothes or that my yard needs cutting. For emergency sewing sessions on Halloween day and never letting me feel like they would rather be someplace else. For letting me listen and give advice. For letting me lean sometimes too. For eating my cooking and making me feel like a chef! For letting me love your family. For bringing cookies just because and call just to say Hi. For treating my babies like your own. For trips to the science center just because.

For nieces and nephews who are thoughtful and kind. Who take time to show me their love and make me feel like their favorite Aunt!

For extended family who remind me that distance doesn't have to matter. Who never change or falter in their love for me and my family no matter if we don't speak often.

For a ward family who continues to show love and support and tirelessly gives to others. For taking care of my family when we struggle, for restoring faith and showing compassion. For being such great examples of the gospel. For Turkey drive bys and Secret Santas.

My heart is full, thank you all for the blessings you continue to give. Thank you for being who you are and allowing us into your lives.
All my love.
Mrs. F.

Some levity amongst dealing with trials

2009-10-08T11:21:00.000-07:00

We need some levity around here since we are dealing with some serious things that have really dampened Farty Papa and I's sense that there is goodness in all people. Some people, you have to try really hard to see it.
You try and try to see it, you are patient and forgiving and hope one day to see true change in a person and then WHAM they remind you that they are indeed who they always were. Sad to see no growth in someone. I digress.

On to the levity. Farty Papa came home from work yesterday and imparted a story on me that gave me fits of giggles. His day started out fairly rough due to afore mentioned "serious things" ( Will not be discussed here because some forums are simply not appropriate to air things that should be private. Family blogs, social networking sites are just not a place for things that in truth, should be respected and private.)

So anyway....FP was feeling kind of low yesterday morning , his day progressed and I could see he was in far better spirits when he came home. I am sure there were several factors involved in bouying his spirits but I like to think this one was "special" .

The story begins as it always does at FP's work.( I will try to do the story justice and tell it as it was told to me)..his boss pulled him aside after helping a customer and it goes like this:

Bossman: " that customer you were just helping? ( a young woman)

FP: " yes?"

Bossman:" Well she asked me if you were married , I told her yes and with several children, She said "oh well he seems like a very nice man, sweet and very helpful" And then she said something along the lines of I'd like to meet a man like him"

FP: " um....."

Bossman: *laughs

FP: " wow " and I am going to interject my own thoughts on what he may have been feeling and thinking" did she just hit on me via my boss? " " wonder why she thought that?" " I am one sexy devil, she couldn't help herself" Ok no he wouldnt have thought that but he SHOULD have.

So as FP is relaying this to me it should be noted that before he told me about this story ( which isn't finished yet , yes it gets better) He asked me if I like his hair the way he styled it that morning. He looked hot so I said yes. He always looks hot so it wasn't hard to agree. So he then says well I haven't done my hair like this before so I just wondered. Oh and I think I got hit on today at work....then he proceeds to tell the story.

(back to the story)

FP is telling me that after his bossman had this conversation with the customer, FP went back to helping her and aparrently extolling the virtues of his wife and children , unaware of the fact that she inquired about his marital status to his boss. She then proceeds to tell him this...

" Well you seem like a really nice guy and I wish I had met a guy like you myself. Maybe if I had a guy like you I would go back to being with men instead of women."

This is where FP becomes speechless and his eyes glaze over for just a moment before he recovers and says a polite thank you and smiles. He told her that was a really nice compliment and as FP states it, helped her on her way and then began to think about it some....

The following were FP's actual thoughts as per told to me:

"Did I just get hit on by that woman?"

"I told her I was married , did she hit on me anyway? No...she was just nice"

"I did my hair different today, I wonder if my hair is the reason"

" I need to get my hair cut ASAP!"

So after I stopped laughing I said to FP

"you just got hit on by a gay woman and you think it was your hair do that was the real attraction?"
Now for the record his hair did look really good..LOL
Sometimes I just don't understand why it is so hard for him to see that women find him handsome, attentive, attractive and kind. Among other things I am sure. He was really concerned that he needed a haircut to ensure this didn't happen again.

I told him " honey you are a good looking , kind , friendly and attentive man. You will be hit on for the rest of your life. Get used to it" He kind of blinked at me and smiled.

Oh this story made me giggle. He is such a good hearted and oblivious man.
Oblivious to his own HAWTNESS aparrently.

More later
Mrs. F.

A Life Worthwhile

2009-09-07T06:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday as Fartypapa went through pages of his old highschool mates on facebook and detailing their jobs and accomplishments. I began to feel a little wanting. As if my life hasn't really amounted to much. I am just a mom .

I made a comment to Farty Papa that was in my mind just a passing thought and one I didn't really think about before I said.

I said " This makes me feel like I haven't done anything worthwhile in my life you know?"

His response gave me pause " I don't count huh?"

Ouch.

It wasn't what I meant when I said that but how else was he to take that? Yea I know...It got me thinking.

Which in truth is the real reason for this post I suppose.
I didn't go to college though I wanted to. Badly.
I don't have a career though I thought I wanted one before I got married.
I don't have fancy cars, houses, boats though they would be nice.
I don't take exotic vacations , I didn't even get a honeymoon.
I don't have much in the way of financial success and trappings.

These things are great if you have them. I do not begrudge anyone who has one or all of these things. However these are not the things that have made me laugh until my sides ache. Given me peace when the world caved in around me. Comforted me when I cried. Encouraged me when I had no courage left. The trappings of the world didn't give me joy when my children were born. My family has done this.

When I got married and saw my new son coming down the aisle swinging the ring pillow , the trappings were not what made my heart swell with such pure love and hope for him and his future. How lucky I felt that I had two men in my life that I could call my own. No trappings and worldly successes can overshadow or even compare with how totally blessed and excited I was to start this new life with them.

To say I haven't done anything worthwhile in my life is to totally negate the last 15 years of my life. I am so embarassed that it even escaped my mouth. Those that know me though may not be surprised. lol.

The culmination of my life so far can only be described as being of infinite worth. I have six beautiful children whom I love dearly. I hope someday every single one of them will know that without question. I have an extended family whom has shown time and again that they love me and remind me in little ways and sometimes gigantic ways. I have a mother who despite being given every reason to fail and every hardship given to single mothers, and more, raised me the best she knew how and encouraged me to dream even though there was little she was able to do to help me achieve them. Even though her dream was cut short by my very existence.

You may be wondering why I didn't address Fartypapa first. There is a reason for that. There is so much to say in regards to him that in truth , I needed to unclutter my mind by putting down the previous blessings so that I can articulate what I wanted to say.

How do you determine the worth of the one relationship that makes having all your other relationships possible?
How do you express your love and gratitude for someone who has spent the better part of 15 years trying to make your dreams come true?
How do you express how worthwhile someone is to you, who gave you six amazing children?
How do you express your unadulterated awe of someone who has spent his life being the good guy?
Being the one who teaches you more about yourself and who you want to be than any other single person you have ever met? Or will meet?
How do you express the peace you feel to the person who patiently and lovingly showed you the path to what will ultimately make you see the value of yourself?
How do you ever repay or even articulate these feelings?
How do you express how safe you feel with the one person who has never broken your heart?
I still don't know.
It is weak at best to say I love you. It doesn't begin to cover all that is in my heart to say the very thought of you and our life together , reminds me that the infinite worth of my life begins with you and will end with you when we are old and grey. The best thing I ever did was marry you.
So in case you were still wondering. Yes you count. You count infinity times 100.
with all the love I can muster.
Mrs. F.

A moment of reflection

2009-09-07T05:34:00.000-07:00

I received an email a few days ago that is not unlike several FartyPapa and I have received over the years from this person. It was angry, distorted, bitter and mean. More than that it was really reflective of this persons distorted view of their own life and what they perceive mine to be. I won't be going into detail because this person and the email are not really what I want to write about.

I want to write about how negative people, enemies, whatever you want to call them, (non friends) have in the past really played a part in what I thought about myself. I allowed people who found no merit in anything to do with me (sometimes it included my children, I presume the thinking was that if they came from me they had to be in some way bad.) to determine on some level my self worth. As you can imagine it was very damaging.

However over the years I began to notice that these people bothered me less and less, especially after the fire. I began to look at these people as desprately unhappy people, people who needed someone to blame for whatever they needed too. I began to see them as individuals who found no true happiness and peace in their own skin and it is far easier to blame others for your own shortcomings and failures than to step up and admit your role in your own life. Once this transformation in my thinking happened I found that I began to believe the circles around me who knew me, saw me. Truly saw me. I began to believe them when they would speak kindly of me.

Fast forward to today. Today I have tried very hard to prevent toxic people from entering my life, but sometimes you don't have a choice regarding who is in your life. Today I look back on my life, looking for some validity in the harsh words from the email. Where did these things come from? Like everyone I know, I am not perfect. I learned how to be a wife and mother by doing. No one taught me. I learned how to be a friend by doing, there was no manual. I have made mistakes like anyone , typical things we all do and as much as I try I cannot own their criticism. It isn't who I am. Once again I am faced with an individual who needs to blame me for their own shortcomings and failures. Their need to blame me really has given me a realization that was unexpected. Welcomed but unexpected.

I realized that for this individual to have such animosity toward me, I really must be doing pretty good. To be so vilified by someone whom you share no value, standards or morals with. Not a single thing in common in how you live your life, who you are. It must mean only one thing. I am living my life right and in accordance with who I want to be. Who I should be. I am raising my children with love, empathy, understanding, a hard work ethic and most of all an understanding of who they are and why they are in this world.
I think that is pretty darn good. I think that is something to be proud of. I think that pretty much trumps anyone elses negative view of me as a human being.

Yea it's good to be me. It is good to have the family I do.
Today is a good day.
Until next time
Mrs. F

The poem I promised

2009-08-22T08:04:00.000-07:00

The Invitation

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.

It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream,
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow,
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals or have become shriveled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”

It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get upafter the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.

It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the centre of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.

It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

This is the the poem I promised a couple of days ago. I didn't post it yesterday because I posted that bohemoth ( I have no idea how to spell that word. That is not normal ) of a post yesterday and I figured that was long enough to make anyone read. I really wanted this to have a place of it's own.
I got it from a fellow blogger. I really enjoy her blog. http://www.swissarmywife.net/ Check her out.

I want to talk a bit about this because it feels very real for me. Almost like a deja vu sensation. Like I owned these words as my own.

It is almost like each stanza is a stage of my life. At some point I was that and then I changed into a different stanza. I love that.
Much of this poem I think remains true about myself. Some of it I want back. Some it was time to let go and embrace a new part of myself.
This really touched me. I am so glad she shared this with me.

Can you see yourself? Let me know what you think!
As always
Mrs. F.

I love cooking

2009-08-20T13:35:00.000-07:00

I just posted a tidbit about a new recipe I created on my Foodie Flabulosity blog.

I wouldn't say that I am a very creative person per se but when it comes to food I think I very well might be creative!

I had the BEST lunch. It stemmed from over cooked rice. I turned overcooked rice into creamy risotto cakes with shredded chicken, cheese and sour cream in them.

The result were crispy golden cakes fried in butter that were creamy and seemed really indulgent.

My daughter and I came up with this , when our rice cooker decided to have a stroke and over cook the rice. A first for this cooker.

The first batch MTA fried up were a little loose and flat. They tasted great mind you but they just didn't look very good. So we determined that if we chilled the mixture for a bit, we could fry them better and they would hold their shape.

I love creating new recipes. I wish my kitchen was a better work space so that more than once person could be in there at a time but nothing to be done about that . That takes money we just don't have.

I find myself sitting in front of my laptop often and just brainstorming ideas for recipes. Reading online recipes and cookbooks for inspiration etc. It's funny, after the fire I thought I would never want to cook again. My family was actually worried about it. Slowly I got back into the swing of things, for some things it was very slow. I seemed to want to try new things after the fire and leave all our family favorites tucked away.

It is interesting to me how food is such a part of our memories and experiences. Those beloved family recipes that my kids clamored for were painful for me. It took me to a place that I wanted to forget. Just move on I told myself. Keep plugging away. Don't stop for a moment to think because if you do.....I knew I would have to face how horrific the fire was for our family.

I try not to talk about it anymore. The kids mention it but it has become a footnote in what has turned out to be a pretty great transformation of our life. Thanks to a ton of people who cared for us when we couldn't muster the strength to be strong for one more day.
Sometimes though , something as silly and significant as creating a new recipe with my kids, brings those memories back. They are bittersweet now and don't carry as much pain as they used to. It would be easy to sweep it all aside and say flippantly " we only lost belongings and a couple of pets" smile emptily and follow it with" We have eachother"

It is true we have eachother. We were so very blessed to have no one hurt in the fire. Having seen my brother hurt badly in a housefire when I was a kid. I have a clear understanding of what can happen and how very very blessed we were to be able to hug eachother after the fire and every single one of us , in perfect health. That is the single greatest blessing.

However, our lives are made of up so many things that we take for granted. Every parent knows their childrens favorite things. The things that soothe them when they are fussy or scared. We as families know our pets are huge parts of our lives and they imprint on our children as litter mates and treat our babies like they were their own.

We all have things we treasure and become such a part of who we are that we cannot think of parting with them. Attatchment is human nature.

I don't know why I am going on about this today. Maybe I am feeling triumphant and sad at the same time. Who knows.

All I know is there is a memory after the fire. A couple of nights after the fire. That haunts me. I try to never entertain it. Never allow it to settle into my thoughts. I try very hard to replace that memory with something else, anything else. To no avail.

I should share it here and maybe by speaking about it I can finally leave it all be but somehow I know that this instance, this fire, this...happening. Will live on. It has to. It is part of our family history. It has molded us into who we are and our children as well. They remember. They , as most kids ,are open and relaxed about their memories. They talk about it. What they hated, what they are thankful for, what they wish they had back. What they wished mom and dad still had. The difference between them and me is when they talk about it, its only sad for a moment and then they let go. DM could tell you that letting go for me is very hard.

Sometimes I just can't let something go even when it hurts. Most days I am fine but some days are like today. A really great moment with me and my daughter is shadowed by memories of what once was. How she and her brothers once spilled a five lb bag of flour all over the kitchen and surfed in it until I got out of the shower. Belly surfed. The memory is a funny and sweet memory but it gives way to seeing that kitchen after the fire. It's hard to explain. I can still smell the smoke.

The memory I referred to was the night of the fire, our family crammed into a one room motel room. Two beds and a tv. It was a truckers motel. It was dark and Superman was crying that he wanted his Bibo ( His stuffed panda bear he loved). Then MacGuyver jr was heard softly weeping as he said " I miss Roxxy" (our chihuahua that was badly injured in the fire and later passed away) Sketch and Walker TR began to weep as well though they wouldn't speak. MTA trying to be brave said to Superman ( He was 2) " you can have my bear " her voice was quivering and it was her only belonging in the entire world ( gift from the red cross ). There we all were in the dark. The kids on one bed and Farty Papa and I on the other. Everyone weeping. Farty Papa got up and one by one brought each child into the full size bed that we shared. We all cried and snuggled together in the dark. I have never felt more helpless to comfort and help my children with their sadness.

Their comfort was gone. All they knew and treasured. I feared their childhood was gone in one moment. It was a very very bad night. It still makes me cry.

Now let me say that my children are happy and healthy kids and the fire is just a memory for them. They have a lovely childhood and speak often about the good memories they had in our old house. They have created brand new ones in our new house. All is well.

I just never want to go back to that place again. I never want to know that heartache for my children's hearts. If that makes sense.
Yet when I look back now, in this moment, I can remember clearly that they kids tears quieted down quickly and then they slept. FartyPapa and I didn't sleep much for what seemed like months. Looking back I can see that all we needed was eachother for comfort .

Thank the heavens we had eachother.

Sorry for the rambling post. I am unsure why I felt the need to share. Perhaps someone out there needs to read something I wrote.
Sometimes I think I should write a book. Then I remember that I have a gaggle of kids and likely not enough brain cells left to put down a coherent thought.

So whatever comes to me goes here for good or bad. Take it for what you will.

Feeling very blessed and bittersweet.
Mrs. F.

Stuff and changes.

2009-08-19T11:40:00.000-07:00

So much has happened in the past few weeks. We watched the demise of our pool party and the birth of the trade off. More on that later lest I jinx it by mentioning it.

Oh DM if you are reading this. We need ribs ASAP! Lets get together for dinner soon. I'll bring the hungry tummies and the sides. DM= the rib lady.

We bought a truck that we badly needed. Our poor cars are like that one teacher we all had in school that was wayyyyy past their prime, limping along and hating life. We really needed to get something that we could really depend on. I really love it. I feel like a teenager getting their first car only not MY first car( which had a blown head gasket and I never got to drive it).

Squee! so excited. Thanks to SIL and BIL for letting us buy their truck and for taking such good care of it.

We started back to school a few weeks ago and wow the kids are just doing so well. They are very dedicated and I love seeing Sketch reading so well.

So enters my pet peeve. Handwriting. I cannot stand my childrens handwriting. I have tried and tried to correct it but it is like BURNED into their brains to write like mad doctors.

So do I continue to beat my head against the wall and endure hours and hours of correcting handwriting and complaining from kids who just don't think they should have to write legibly? Or do I throw up the white flag and let them write how they wish and decide I don't care if their handwriting makes them look like illiterate, backwoods hillybilly's on paper?
(no offense to backwoods illiterate hillbillies. I totally support your right to be illiterate and backwoods and eat swamp rats and the like. Power to the people!)

moving on.......We bought MTA a car for her and her Fartypapa to fix up before she turns 16. She is over the moon for her first beater car..LOL. We had hoped to do this with my husbands oldest son but that didn't manifest much to our disappointment.

So for the next year and a half or so she and Fartypapa will fix up the car and ensure it is safe and well maintained. I will ensure it is cute and fun!

MTA started seminary this year. She loves it. More time with teenagers. *le sigh*. For those of you who read this blog but don't really know what seminary is, basically its a religious class that is geared toward highschoolers, it is kind of like a short class that gives teenagers a more involved understanding of their religion.

Also this year Fartypapa and I have decided to join a homeschooling co-op...sort of. MTA and MacGuyver jr. are being enrolled in a leadership history class of sorts. They go once a week for two hours and will get an indepth look at the founding fathers and the constitution. I am not a huge history buff so in regards to history they get exposed to what is in their curriculum and that about covers it. Don't get me wrong, their curriculum is good and I am entirely happy with the level of knowledge they are getting but when my girlfriend invited them to this class I was so excited. See she is practically on fire for History. She will give them a different perspective than my own and will hopefully give them some of her enthusiasim. MacGuyver jr LOVES history. LOVES it. He loves the stories of the past and why people did what they did and how our country came to be. this class is literature based so I am thrilled for him.

Fartypapa got promoted at work and we are thrilled about it. I love the fact that he loves his job. That is so hard to find today. He really does love it and he really likes the company he works for. We are really feeling blessed and thankful.

On a similar note, my daycare kids went back to school. They are such good kids. I sure hope they get to come around again once in awhile.

I think that is all the updates for now. Posting a poem from a fellow blogger tomorrow so be sure to check me out tomorrow.

Also for those of you who followed my cookbook blog, I am sure you noticed that I haven't updated it. It's not because I haven't written any new recipes. It is because I decided to only post recipes that I won't actually put in my cookbook. So eventually I will update it but for now not so much.

Also if you have any recipes you want to share please do so and I will post them in that blog and give you all the credit! I am always looking for new recipes.

Until tomorrow
Take care of you and yours.
Mrs. F.

Days of Our Lives

2009-07-16T15:40:00.000-07:00

After a few days of daycare drama I am already ready for the weekend. I love them but I need a break. We are having a real clash of the titans over simply eating what you are served. I think we are currently on a hunger strike. Poor guy he would be so much happier if he just ate his lunch and got it over with.

Why do kids think we are trying to poison them? I mean really how bad can cheese, potatoes and hambuger be? Or cheese noodles and chicken? I mean its not like im trying to get them to eat sushi. LOL.

Anyway, I am weary and need some time to regroup. I hope this weekend offers it.

Funny story follows.

Superman comes running into my room followed closely by his brother Walker TR. The conversation is as follows.

Superman " Mom you have GOT to look at my face!"

Mrs. F. " whats wrong? "

Superman " Look at my face! it has bumps!" ( yes he was very excited)

Mrs. F. after carefully checking it out. Stay lunch, two old bug bites " What I don't see anything dear"

Superman " I have bugs bites , look!"

Walker TR " I told him he has two bug bites on his face. See mom right there"

Mrs. F" Yes Walker but those are a week old"

Walker TR " Oh I didn't know " exit Walker TR

I look at Superman who is caressing his face as he walks toward my bedroom door exiting only to hear him say.....wait for it....

Superman " Oh I thought there were bugs coming out of my face"
Shrug.
Exit Superman.

*blink*

Mrs. F " AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.....*snort* AHAHAHAHAhAhA

Not too Quick on the Uptake.

2009-07-13T11:49:00.000-07:00

This past week Farty Papa and I were faced with the fact that we are not so quick on the uptake. Myself more so than him. So we planned Macguyver jrs party for the 11th because hey two weeks is enough prep time to set up a 20ft pool no problem. Wow....the level of wrongness is so high. Turns out we have to level the ground , enter 2 tons of sand. Then we have to set up the pool , enter half a day of work, sweat and probably some cursing. Then we have to fill the pool, enter a huge water bill ( we knew this) and crossed fingers as we hope the liner has no pinholes and the pump didn't arrive cursed. So needless to say a week is not enough time so we pushed his party to the 25th. Turns out there may be a scout campout that weekend and Macguyver jr says to me :

" what a bummer I will have to miss that campout. I really wanted to go"

...
....
......!!!!

So before I scalped him I walked away so no one fear, he is still alive.
Moving on. Now I am waiting on news of when said scout campout is and if it is that weekend then we will push it back another week . Le..SIGH. Thankfully I have yet to send out invites. DM is going to laugh her A$$ off at me for this one. It may work out if the campout is that weekend because I was told of a family gathering on the 25th that I didn't realize had been hammered out as a sure thing.

I swear I don't know wether I am coming or going and I have gone through the past few weeks with that odd feeling of " Do I have toilet paper on my shoe and I am the only one who doesn't know about it?"

I swear by the time the party comes I will be unhinged. I will need the party more than anyone else!

On a different note, our days lately have been sans school. I have found it really hard to homeschool with daycare kids here. So my kids have had a longer summer break than average for them. They actually hate it. I didn't see that coming. So next week I have decided to start up again at least somewhat.

On an even more different note, I hate picky eaters. I swear if I had a quarter for every parent that I did daycare for that said " My child is a picky eater but I don't know where he gets it from" I'd have a lot of quarters. Another one I like is " my child is a picky eater? really? Wow, he's not picky at home" Huge pet peeves of mine. I really believe kids are picky eaters because they are allowed to be. I know I am gonna raise hairs on people but I will have to deal with the fallout of my radical ideas.

Now don't get me wrong I am not a force feeding mother. Nor am I a mom that won't allow her kids to dislike anything. Far from it. However I am a mom that won't allow my kids to dictate what I cook and server and I will never be a mom that is a short order cook. No way. One family , One meal. I am trademarking that saying so don't take it. :D

When I was a kid my mom decided our meals and we ate it. If we didn't we went hungry. It wasn't long before we ate what we were given , if only to fill the empty spot. She bought and cooked what she could afford. Cheapest cuts of meat, noodles, canned veggies. We didn't eat like kings but we ate and we grew up with a broad range of tastes because of it. I will never like canned peas. Ever. Or canned spinach. However that led me to believe I hated spinach and peas period. I don't . I discovered as an adult that I love frozen peas and fresh spinach.

The point to all of this is, I have two kids that I do daycare for, LOVE LOVE LOVE them. Adorable on every front. However they are picky eaters. Now I know for a fact they are not like that only at my house. What I find so interesting is this. They are from a split household. They split their time between Mom and Dad. Now Mom and I are good friends. Almost like sisters. I treat her kids like my own. One Family, One Meal. They are not always happy campers at meal time. Now Mom is trying hard to change their eating habits and bless her heart they give her a time. However I have a sneaky suspicion that Dad is not interested in changing their eating habits. The kids tell me Dad lets them pick dinner all the time and it gravitates between , pizza, Panda Express and Burgers. Now this is a man who was concerned that I would not feed his kids healthy meals. This stemmed from a day they were at my house and they have Oven pancake for breakfast and liked it so much they ate it for lunch too. He expressed concerns to their mother that pancakes for every meal was not well balanced. *blink*
In case you don't know and Oven pancake is a dish that is baked in the oven and it puffs up like popovers. It has an eggy custard center that we often top with ham or fruit. It is very good and a part of a healthy meal :P

Needless to say my kids would love to eat pizza, burgers or Panda Express three times a week but there is no way we can afford that and no way we would allow it. So their Mom and I will continue plugging away and hope for the best.

As I said they are treated like every other kid here, they are given the meal. They eat it. They are expected to eat it and if they choose not to they are given another shot at it at snack time. If they don't eat it then, they get an interesting breakfast. Now some parents might disagree with that approach but I am trying to teach the next generation not to waste food and to appreciate what they are given and find contentment. A lot of my generation have a hard time being content with what they have so much so that they overspend, over indulge and even over populate their relationships. ( if you know what I mean)

My kids know there is one meal and they need to eat it and be grateful. There is always another meal and maybe you will get lucky and it will be something you like. LOL.
I try to get my family's input on meals as well so I don't want to come across as I make my family eat vile creations. Ask DM , I'm a pretty good cook. Besides I use her friends as guinea pigs. Not my kids. :D.

So there is a pet peeve of mine in a nutshell.
What are yours?
Till next time
Mrs. F

Clean up on aisle 7.

2009-06-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

It seems with everything we have going on, that our backyard is like the poor cousin who lives in the woodshed.

We give it the bare minimum effort to keep it up and try and forget it exists. Largely our backyard is dirt. We live in the desert and dirt comes easy. This has become a dilemma as of late due to the fact that my son Macguyver Jr is hosting his first birthday party in a couple of weeks. This party is to be a BBQ/pool party. Out in the backyard. You are beginning to see my point.

This party would be easy to create if three things manifested ASAP.
The first being a clean, trimmed and mowed backyard. Good thing we have my brother coming over this weekend to help Farty Papa do just that. Crisis averted. Almost.

The second being that we in fact had a pool. Now I may have blogged last year about buying a softside pool and how excited we were to put it up. Alas that was never to be. We in fact never set it up and it was left to it's doom outsite in the elements. Plastic + heat + dust = pool death. We mourned and like good family members we planned to replace it. Problem is the pool we want is expensive. It will afford us longevity as it is a sturdy pool and convenience because we can leave it up year round but it ain't no chump change. We hope to have the new one before the party or egg will be on our faces. And not the good kind.

The third obstacle in our way is a BBQ. Now we have a BBQ but Farty Papa informs me that it is not in working order. I think if I had known this I never would have even suggested this party to my son. HOW can you have a party with no food? I mean there is food and then there is pool party food. DUH.
So this week I intend to go out and clean it as best I can and see if I can get the sucker to turn on.

So say a little prayer for our pathetic pool party. lol. We will need it.
Oh and DM yea I'm gonna need the chairs again..LOL. I'm not proud I am going to borrow tables from the church again too!

Truth be told I am excited about this party. My son has done so much in the past year and he deserves a celebration.

A quick thank you to Farty Papa for being the wonderful father he is. There is no doubt in my mind that our children get their good qualities from him but a few they got from me , make them interesting. :D.
I love you, we love you and I am proud to say you have been the kind of father to our children that I wished I had had for myself. Thank you.
Mrs. F.

Blessings, Trials and something to look forward to.

2009-06-23T10:04:00.000-07:00

It has been a long long time since I have blogged. I could say I've been busy, I could say I haven't been inspired, I could say I have been hiding. All would be true and all would also be a lie.

The truth is far more uninteresting. I haven't blogged lately because it stopped meaning what it used to , to me. It used to mean a way for me to chronicle my life for my childrens sake. To document changes, successes, failures, joy, pain and all of our lifes "moments". It used to mean a way for me to focus on the little joys and quirky moments that display all of my blessings quietly. So quietly sometimes that if I am not keyed in, I can miss them. It used to be a way for me to not miss those moments.

Somewhere it became more like those banal Christmas letters we all get from people we know we aren't important to. I don't want the story of my life to get lost in a christmas card. I don't want that for my kids either. So I stopped blogging. It wasn't a concious decision it was a series of moments that I encountered where I chose not to document my life.

I recently had a conversation where there were several opinions about blogging, the internet and people oversharing. I guess I have never been one to worry so much about oversharing as much as I worried about withholding myself from those I loved. Or holding back myself so much that It changed who I was.

I personally love reading blogs about those people who are important to me. I wish those around me did it more. In a society where we are all so busy and so wrapped up in our own lives, struggles etc. It gives those around you a chance to know when even small things happen. I may not talk to my family every day or my nieces or nephews but I read about them whenever I can. When I do see them I have things I can ask them about, begin a dialogue with them about things that are important happenings in their lives. I like that.

I like knowing one of my sister in laws loves her cats. I like knowing that she has suffered something and allows those that care about her to share in her pain. It's a way to bond even though she is states away from me. I like knowing when my brother in law hires a stretch hummer to woo his wife. I like knowing about new babies on the way and getting the glimpse of the very tender heart of one of my sister in laws. She likes to have people think she is tough and that she doesn't care what others think or say about her. I like knowing that she really does. I like that I know this. I like knowing moments in the lives of those people I love.

Suddenly I began to see those banal Christmas letters quite differently. Instead of seeing them as a needle to poke me with, to remind me that while I may merit a once a year letter I do not merit anything more. A subtle your not welcome here sign. I started seeing them as a window. A window that allows me to see moments in peoples lives whom I may wish I was closer to but for whatever reason it is not meant to be. It dawned on me that it was a blessing. Something I am now grateful for.

What does all of this meandering have to do with my blog. Well I began to think that perhaps there was someone out there who wanted a window to my family. I had closed that window and drawn the curtain and what if I had shut someone out? I decided that it was a good thing to blog about my life and my family. I know that 99% of the world will never see or care what I write but there are a few and more than that....I care. I will see it and perhaps one day it will allow me to write my life story to give to my children one day.

I decided that I was holding back so much that it changed who I was. It changed how I approached something I loved. I no longer care if blogging makes it look like I spend all my time on the computer. I no longer care if it makes people talk or wonder about my commitment to my family. If you actually read my blog those two things would be laughable.

So here I go again. A life story unfolded and unfolding.
Mrs. F.

A Fun Day

2009-03-05T10:44:00.001-08:00

Today promises to be a good day. The kids are going to the park with Grandma. She is going to teach them to play tennis. They are happy with any excuse to go to the park. This will give me some time this afternoon to sort through the kids books that came yesterday! I love books. So far , from what I've looked at, these books are perfect. I am so excited for next year!

I also will have some time to research some vendors for my business. I need to find wholesalers for most of my materials. I am excited to get things really moving. I have made some beautiful designs that I am anxious to put out there and see if anyone agrees!

The kids are getting a day off from school , their cousins have a half day so I decided to just give them the day. Half days are generally our day. lol. They are currently finishing up their chores so they won't have anything to do when they come home. It always shocks me how quiet the house gets when the kids leave. The dogs get forlorn and follow me around , even to the bathroom. They hop up on the couch if I am sitting there, and lay next to me or they lay on the floor at my side of the bed if I am napping or working on my laptop. It's quite funny. Have you ever seen a beagle sad? If you know beagles they are very emotional. They wear these emotions on their already sad looking faces.

( I thought I lost this post due to a net hiccup and turns out it POSTED! I wasn't finished yet so I will finish now)

This evening DM and I are going to do sushi and then to a new asian market here in town. I am excited. I love asian markets. They have so much more to offer me and my way of cooking than traditional markets. Love love love them! I have promised myself that I am going to learn to make my own Sushi this year. I need to invest in some of the gear and then I will be ready to start.

Farty Papa is not feeling well this week. We think he got attacked by a really vicious allergy. He was really miserable yesterday and he didn't complain once when I had to help a friend out with something, which meant her two children had to come over and play with ours. By the time I got home I could tell he was just burnt. I felt bad for making him babysit but I think he understood that my friend needed some help. I taught her how to make homemade laundry soap. She needed to do laundry, had no soap and no money to buy any. Mrs. F to the rescue!

I was happy to help but something tells me Farty Papa needs some pampering tonight. I'm happy to help him with that too! *grin*

Until tomorrow.
Mrs. F.

P.S.
I hope to have pictures coming soon.

A full plate

2009-03-03T13:21:00.000-08:00

Once again I find myself busier than I have ever been. I always have in the back of my mind to take on less. To do less. Often because at the end of the day I growl at myself because my kids have to play in the backyard instead of going to the park. Mom just doesn't have the time to pack up five kids and make that trip. I always feel lacking in the mom department. Why do Moms always feel so lacking?

So here is the break down of what I'm doing!

I am expecting a delivery tomorrow of the kids school books for next year. So exciting. I am so relieved to have that out of the way. The kids are eagerly awaiting summer and the pool being set up.

I am still working on my cookbook and trying to find any opportunity I can to cater parties. I have written probably ten new recipes in the last month and I hope to have them uploaded to my Foodie blog soon.

I am working on getting my website up and running for my new business. I haven't blogged much about it but it's exciting. I make handmade jewelry. Look for The Silver Lining coming soon!

We homeschool five days a week and we will continue throughout the summer. However we will have shorter days because I am not keen to have them inside most of the summer.

We got some sad news on Sunday. It seems MTA's best friend is moving away in June. I can't even express my sadness for her but she seems to be handling things very pragmatically. How did she get so level headed? I'm really proud of her for seeing the big picture and oddly I think the internet will help her stay close to her friend and feel connected. She is one of my Hero's. I wanna be like her when I grow up.

A bit of randomness. I have a new obsession. I am HOT for this new thing I found. I want one so bad. Check this bad boy out!

http://www.trikke.com/Trikke-Showroom/hp/T78-Convertible

You see I want to lose a bit of weight and this is the first and ONLY piece of equipment that ever got me excited. Farty Papa has seen many things he likes in the fitness world but me? Never. However this seems right up my alley. I need low to no impact due to bad knees. I need something that is going to be fun as well as faster paced. I want no jumping around and all that business. Nope. This is perfect for me. I would love for MTA and I to each have one and then we could go along with the boys when they go on bike rides. MTA hates bike riding and quite frankly my girly parts have forbidden me from riding my bike . EVER.

Only one problem. They are so expensive. If I could afford it I would get one for everyone in my family. I can so easily see this little scooter being life changing for my family. We just can't afford it. How cool would it be for a group of homeschooled kids to be told" Close your books it's time for Phys Ed. Get your Trikkes! " I would love that. We would be on those things ALL the time..LOL.

I so wish we could afford them. I bet they are worth every penny. I would give them free advertising. Heck I'd pimp my car for them! LOL. Oh well. Maybe someday we will be able to afford them.

I wish that I could afford the really great things I want for my family. Maybe this business venture will be an answer for my family. I love creating and designing jewelry and to be able to make a living at it would be amazing.

Well time to sign off and get dinner going. Mozzarella chicken over pasta with garlic fococcia and a micro green salad with fresh green beans in a chunky vingrette! YUM!
Until next time
Mrs. F

VNSA Booksale and preparing for a new school year.

2009-02-13T14:29:00.000-08:00

Well so far homeschool this year has been relaxed and a lot of fun. It's neat to see the kids take control of their own education. Learn things they are interested in and progress at their own pace , although we have a set core curriculum we have as the basis of their learning for each grade. Each of the kids has such a distinct personality and learn in such different ways. MTA squirrels herself away in her room with her books and assignment and pulls on headphones and she simply works. The only thing she dislikes is math. This next year and the years following we are going with a two prong approach. She will have what is called a teaching textbook. As well as Saxon Math for her grade. She will switch back and forth to give her some variety. I am rather excited about her going into Highschool because her classes become much more interesting.

I am hoping to find some great textbooks and readers at the VNSA book sale tomorrow. It happens once a year and its a huge boon to bibliophiles like Fartypapa and I. This is my first year going and from what I am told there are deals to be had and homechool curriculum a plenty. WOOHOO!. I love getting a headstart on the next years stuff. We school all year so we go at a somewhat varigated pace as per public school. We still have 7 months left in our school year which is great for us because the kids HATE being bored in the summertime. This summer I will have daycare kids too so that should help with the boredom.

We are hoping to hook up with other moms this summer to do outings like the science museum and other points of interest.

Sketch has improved so much from last year to this. It's amazing. He wants to read the Harry Potter series but our books are either being read by others or are scattered about. I'm going to look for a set just for him. Its such a change from a year ago when the idea of reading was awful for him. Now he gets excited about it and doesn't complain at all when its reading time. I love that!
Walker TR is a year younger than Sketch but they are in the same grade because I discovered that they learn better when they can be buddies. They LOVE buddy work. They test eachother on their Spalding phonics cards. Its awesome to hear then correct eachother. LOL.

Macguyver is just trucking right along in his work. I am hoping to get an advanced science book for him because he just eats it up. He always has his science and history book done half way through the year. So I am hoping to find something more challenging for him to keep him busy. He loves math which is a relief for me.

Sketch is like me in that reading was very hard for him. It still is. We are fairly certain he has a mild form of dyslexia. I have a severe form. I couldn't read even a little until I was in 4th grade. Sketch we could say was a firm reader by third grade. He is doing very well now though he still gets frusterated when he messes up his b and d. He transposes like I did and it takes time and repetition for it to solidly enmesh in your brain what belongs where. I am excited to see where he will be in 7 months. He enjoys working with his brother and that seems to have helped a lot. However he is still the artist. He would rather be creating something than doing just about anything else. Something tells me that is how he will be all his life.

The great thing about homeschooling is that Fartypapa and I decide what they should learn and we don't have to conform to anothers idea of what a good education should be. We choose the books. We pick the areas of study. It gives us this great opportunity to involve our children in deciding what they study. I love that!

Walker TR just told me he loves math. WOOHOO! just wait till he gets to geometry or calculus. UGH.

I will report my finds from the VNSA book sale tomorrow. Wish me luck!

Mrs. F

An Update and a day beginning.

2009-02-10T12:05:00.000-08:00

In case you all were wondering Mr. Incredible is doing very well now. He is home with his family and no doubt has some recovery time but all in all he will be fine. It seems so strange to me how such a catastrophic thing can end so quietly. Although I am sure there was much celebrating upon his return home. It just reminds me of how the world keeps moving onward no matter how we feel it should stop in its tracks and wait for us to overcome our tragedy or strife, wait for us to catch up, Wait for us to catch our breath. It doesn't. My family wept when we heard he went home. All of my children stood in my bedroom doorway with baited breath as I read the note that I got saying he went home and was recovering nicely. They all suddenly burst into tears. It was so sudden but so undeniable. They shouted with joy and relief and the tears were just an expression of their joy. It was amazing. What a blessing they are to me.

Soon I will be adding pictures to my blog and making a renewed effort to blog daily. I think its important to document each day in some fashion.

Oh and I have a confession to make. I haven't done anything for Valentines day for my hubby. I am obsessing over this because we normally don't bother with the holiday because we tend to make little expressions to eachother all year long. Fartypapa one upped me this year and he ALREADY has a gift for me. He says its something he would have gotten me anyway so it doesn't really count. He has no idea how much it counts! Its huge! Im on the hook. Help.

More later
Mrs. F

Power of Prayer

2009-01-19T13:57:00.000-08:00

Once in awhile you have a moment in life where things are so obvious. Things are clear and concise and the grey area disappears. Over the past few days as our family has carried a prayer for this family. I know many others have as well. I know this because I have been told as much but I also know it because of the update I am about to tell you all about.

The words thank you cannot express the level of gratitude I have but they are the only words I have.

Here is where the power of prayer comes in.

From here on in the boy I told you about will be called Mr. Incredible. The Incredibles have been through so much in the past week and over the weekend we got a lovely email detailing Mr. Incredible's progress. First and foremost. He woke up. His family waited for hours before he spoke but when he did it was to say he was dying of thirst and he was starving. All very good signs. He was in fact very hungry and thirsty. He hadn' t eaten anything since before the accident.

Here is an excerpt from the email we got regarding him:
Mr. Incredible's brain bleeds have stopped. He is still in ICU until Monday, then they hope he can be moved to a pediatric bed unit in the hospital. They do not know how long he will be there since that all depends on how he responds. Incredible Mom has asked me to ask the ward members to please send her via email, a photo of those who know Mr. Incredible. They are making a slide show of familiar people, places and things on their laptop computer that can be played for Mr. Incredible over and over. They are hoping this will help with his recovery.

Incredible mom sent an update about his specific condition as well.

Wednesday night Mr. Incredible fell from the banister at the top of the stairs landing on his head at the tile floor. He has several head fractures. The worst being a long line from over one ear around to the other ear. It's not over the top like you'd wear head phones but just a little on the back of his crown. He was unconscious for more than 24 hours and his head is swollen. He woke up yesterday (Fri.) morning and was finally talking by afternoon/evening. We are so thrilled. He's still tied down to the bed so he won't take out the catheter or remove all the gadgets and needles attached to him. He is sooooo hungry. He calls out as he twists "I'm going to die! I need water!" Then he'll call out "Food! I must have food!" He hasn't eaten since dinner on Wednesday. Imagine that for a growing 8 year old boy :-/ He has pneumonia as well probably from inhaling some of the fluid he'd been vomiting out so much while in his unconscious state (different from a coma).
Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers. It's only from praying and fasting that he's gotten this far - and Incredible Dad and I too. It's been a tough ride. If you want to send him pictures or make a little movie for him that would be good. According to the head trauma doctor he needs familiar objects (books, toys, etc) and pictures of people he's familiar with.
Thank you so much!
Love to you all.
Incredible Mom.

Now I have changed names for obvious reasons but I really wanted illustrate how prayer has helped this family. This recovery has been a miracle. I know my family has cried and prayed and rejoiced over this past week. When we got this last update every member of my family sobbed and hugged eachother in relief. We know Mr Incredible and his family have a long road to traverse yet but it is amazing the strides he has made. My family thanks you as does the Incredibles. Keep doing what you do. More updates will follow.

Till next time
Mrs. F.

Update and a continued request.

2009-01-15T15:41:00.000-08:00

I just received an update a few minutes ago and I don't know if anyone is reading but I am updating because it makes me feel less useless in this situation.

Our friends son it has been determined , has several skull fractures and bleeding on the brain. He is currently sedated as they monitor his condition to determine how best to continue his treatment.

It is scarey how easily this can happen to anyone and how much they need our good thoughts and prayers. Please if you can, continue the faith chain and get the word out about this little boy. He and his family can use all our best.

Thanks
Mrs. F.

Something bigger than you and I.

2009-01-15T08:28:00.000-08:00

It has been far too long since I have posted. So much has happened in our lives and yet I would log on only to find it hard to post here. For a long time I didn't realize why that was but it dawned on me this morning when I received some horrifying news, that I was looking to write about something bigger and far more important than myself.

Now I love posting about my family and have been told I have a knack for humor and finding meaning in mundane and obvious things. Finding a perspective in something seemingly meaningless. All that was very fulfilling for awhile but I recently found myself turned off when faced with posting about myself. I can't explain why except that perhaps I just don't see what others can see in me.

The reason todays post has come so easily is because it is not about me. It has nothing to do with me yet I am inspired. I want to DO something. I want to spread something positive out there that maybe starts a wild fire of positive energy and love.

The story as far as I know it :

This morning I received an email giving the barest of details about a small boy in our Church family. I know almost nothing about him and his family which is sad on its own merit. This is what I know. He is around four years old give or take because as I said I don't really know. Suffice to say he is very young. Last night he fell two stories and landed on his head. As with many head injuries the extent of his injuries are not well known at this time. He was med evaced to a nearby hospital and here you and I now sit together. You know as much as I do. This family has asked for my prayers and now I ask for yours. Even if you don't pray then I ask that you do whatever it is you do when faced with crisis. Do what you do when you are faced with knowing someone who is facing an unbearable burden. Pray, sing, cry, meditate, send positive energy out into the world to aid this family. This little boy and his family will use it all.

My request to you is to simple. If you blog mention this family and their son. The only reason being to give another degree of the world a chance to do what they do on behalf of this family. If you don't blog but you email then do that. This isn't something I want to become a forward that is simply deleted before it's read. I just want as many people to touch this as possibly can. What can happen if one person prays? A miracle. Imagine what would happen if we all did? I truly believe in the power of prayer . I have seen its workings first hand. I truly believe in the power of people. I have felt their workings first hand.

There is no expectation on my part for anyone that reads this. Some people don't pray or even believe in God. This isn't about personal beliefs. I only ask that you do what you do on behalf of this lovely family. Help me start a faith chain. Whatever your faith is give a little of it to this family. They need it. I would consider this a great personal favor. Something I could never repay.

I leave this with you this morning as I look over my own children and count my immense blessings that they are safe and healthy. Imagine how it might feel to be a part of something far bigger than yourself or your own life. Parents know this feeling already. Brothers and Sisters know this feeling already. Children know this feeling already. We all do. When you are part of a family you know what it's like to have your heart walking around outside of your body. You know what it feels like to worry and wonder about a loved one. Come be a part of my family today. We are currently worrying and wondering about a loved one. Do what you do.

Mrs. F.

I will update as I get news.

A special level of sick

2008-11-14T09:47:00.000-08:00

Just a few things.

Superman and I are a special level of sick. Our new friends are:

1. Throw up bowl Superman's is pink, mine is blue.

2. Super fuzzy blanket.

3. A wind tunnel fan because it makes using Super Fuzzy Blanket more comfortable.

4. Eachother.

5. Superman made extra special friends with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movies 1 and 2. I predict several times.

Soooooooo sick we two.

Cleaning the fryer and Lurkers.

2008-11-08T11:24:00.000-08:00

Alright I would be lying if I said that stupid fryer hasn't been haunting me. The idea of it grossed me out entirely. The idea that someone else's who knows what was fried in there and then not cleaned is just gross. So being the brilliant, compassionate and often inspired mom that I am. I bribed Macguyver jr. to clean it. I know what your thinking , how could I let my child clean something I thought was disgusting. It was easy really. I should be clear, he was eager to earn his reward. Win win I thought. Hey when I was a kid I had to clean up after myself when I was sick because my mom couldn't. Everyone has deal breakers and aparrently old stranger grease is mine. Who knew?

So Macguyver eagerly took to the task and it came pretty clean but not without the utilization of an old electric toothbrush. Later today I will attack it with baking soda and a sand blaster. I hope that this appliance will be clean and useful to our family soon, I have a party to cater the first week of December so either I will be buying a new one or this one will come clean and do just fine for our needs.

I'm still miffed at that freecycler.

Moving onto to nicer topics it seems I have lurkers. People who read my blog but who choose to remain anonymous. I'm cool with that it tickled me to discover that I had more than a couple of readers. Or maybe my readers just check me multiple times a day? LOL. Well no matter, if I do have lurkers I want to say Hello and its nice to not meet you! I am so glad to have you and I hope you will keep coming back. And to the friends I have made here since I began, thank you for the support and kindness you have all shown me. I have found that I really love blogging but I will admit, it's nice to see that people are reading, commiserating, identifying or even disagreeing with me.

I wanted to mention that I will be soon posting pictures on my blogs, as well as pictures of my foodie creations on my foodie blog. I find that I really love reading blogs that have pictures so I decided that I wanted to add that to my little place in the blogosphere. I need to get a camera of course. Ours didn't make it out of the fire. Well thats not entirely accurate. It lasted about a year after the fire. The contractor said that anything we salvaged from the fire that was in any way electric or had small moveable parts, aka cameras, computers etc. They would be toast. Maybe not the day we salvaged them but shortly there after. Truth be told it was never quite right after the fire and it limped along for a year and then died. It is hard to not have a camera. I would love to take pictures of our daily life , especially since the fire. Photos are so precious to us now.

Anywhoo it's time for me to go. I have to put my soup on for supper. Mmmm Ham and Bean Soup with honey cornbread. Recipe to follow on Foodie Flabulosity.

Till next time,
Mrs. F.

P.S. If there are any lurkers out there that want to say hello, please do. I would love to meet you.

Freecycle disappointment

2008-11-07T13:00:00.001-08:00

I love Freecycle. If yo don't know what that is go to www.freecycle.org. All you have to do is find your state and then your area and then join. I think it is a fantastic idea and a great community resource when done right. I love the idea of giving away stuff you don't need or want and getting free stuff you need. Here is my beef with freecycle. Don't get me wrong , I don't want to look a gift horse in the mouth but is it too much to ask that if you give something away that it be clean? I don't think that is asking too much. Last night I went to pick up from someone on freecycle and I kid you not I threw half of it away because it was either not what was described or it was so filthy that I knew it was not something I could clean.

Case in point. I got a deep fat fryer for free. They said it works great. I was thrilled. When I pulled it out of the bag my thrill turned to horror. The entire outside of this appliance is CAKED with grease and old oil. OMG. It literaly was slimey. The very idea of giving something like that away but not cleaning it is disgusting. Yes it can be cleaned and that is why I kept it but honestly it turns me off of freecycling. I would never give something away that was filthy. Certainly no appliance. I get that people sometimes want to just be rid of their junk but how hard is it to clean up the item before you give it to another family? I honestly feel like some people look at people who take their unwanted items as if they were walking landfills. Not really people but just garbage pickers. ( Mind you I have a lot of respect for garbage pickers. If you doubt then I challenge you to read The Tightwad Gazette)

It really made me feel like the person who gave these items away simply didn't care that they gave these items to people. People who could actually use these items and might have appreciated a little cleanliness. I won't go into the horror of opening the fryer and the smell that greeted me. Very disappointing.

My next beef came with a bag of makeup, prescription eyeglasses and USED contact cases. And a hair brush. This lot was described as bathroom stuff. Toiletries. I read that as soaps ( not used) cleaners, lotions (not used) maybe. Bathroom stuff. There was no inkling that this was someones PERSONAL Hygiene items. No clue that it was USED make up, USED contact cases and the like. Who in the world is going to use someone elses USED eye liner pencil? How about lipstick? Anyone? What are people thinking? I am sorry but there are just some things you MUST throw away. Some things you must spare the rest of the world. Namely your body fluids. I was stunned. Once again I would never give my used make up away to anyone but maybe my daughter. It is just shocking what people think is recyclable.

I love the idea of Freecycle but honestly this is enough for me to want to simply leave it to the less sqeamish. Perhaps it is just me. Perhaps I am being a baby but I kid you not there will never be a time when I use a strangers contact case or walk up to a perfect stranger and admire her shade of lipstick and ask :

" Can I have it?"

Never will there be a time when I am sitting in the airport ( or anywhere) and spy someone brushing their hair and ask:

" Can I have it?" " No really , it makes your hair look Faaaaabulous, yea I want that brush"

And lets be real. What are the odds that some perfect stranger will have your exact prescription?
It might go something like this.

So and so opens a random eyeglass container and sees a pair of glasses.

"SCORE!"
*tries them on and low and behold not only is it a perfect fit but......*

" Boy howdy! Imagine that they are my prescription! "

Yes ok the lenses can be removed and replaced with your prescription but come on. Luckily I can give them to my church and they will be sent to a third world country so that people who can actually use them might get a pair of glasses.

So in closing I am sorry if I sound ungrateful but maybe its too much to expect for people to be grateful for your old grease and used eye makeup.

Mrs. F

Hot Mess Halloween

2008-11-04T09:28:00.000-08:00

Once again I am back after more time away than I anticipated. Suffice to say the title of this post should give you an inkling of my past 2 weeks.

Since the fire, holidays have been difficult on many levels. It's hard to explain to a group of eager children that they no longer have their plug in "punkin" to display. And that beloved Darth Vader costume with the sweet talking helmet is FUBAR. Oh yes and those decorations that you used to make your bedroom windows spooky and festive...gone. You see my children "know" all of this but in the frenzy that can only come with holidays they forget and the conversation goes like this.

" Mom! we need to put up that skeleton that we stuffed with newspaper and hung from the tree, remember? "

" yes I remember but we lost it in the fire."

" oh.......yea"

" Maybe you could make a skeleton out of construction paper?"

" nah I just forgot"

So yea that makes holidays hard. It's not just Halloween, its every single holiday. I just wish it didn't feel so awful to see them remember .
Enter their new art teacher. She has spend the month of october preparing them for Halloween. They painted , they played games, they made halloween decorations and they even painted T shirts for Halloween. Yay new memories! We don't have a lot of decorations or a fraction of the things we had before but the kids will want to pull out the things they made this year, next Halloween. That is a good thing.
So here is the Halloween break down you have all been waiting for.

In order of appearance :

MTA went as a Mobster named Puff Pinky. She had a fedora and all. Too bad people at church thought she was a pimp. I wonder if that reflects badly in some way. LOL. She spent the night with her girlfriends listening to thriller and no doubt gossiping. She was disappointed that her lack of attention toward trick or treating resulted in a poor haul.

MacGuyver Jr. went as Bleeding Death. He had a bleeding skull and the whole shebang. He walked around all night squeezing a little pump shaped like a human heart that pushed blood into his skull mask. He grossed out his Grandma and considered it a successful night. Namely because he grossed out his Grandma.

Sketch has worn his favorite costume for two Halloweens in a row now. He went as a Dead Metal Biker. Complete with skull mask and a pretty sweet jacket with spikes. He had a very good Halloween but his main focus was making decorations and carving pumpkins. He was very concerned that we might not get pumpkins this year. ( due to funds, can you believe pumpkins were 6 dollars for one? ) He did in fact get to carve a pumpkin and on Halloween night his focus shifted to trick or treating. He was very focused. He was pleased with his haul. He seemed to have fun being chased by the several girls that have seemed to notice his existence in the last six months.

Walker TR went as Spiderman. He even had a spiderman bucket for which to carry his ill gotten gains. He made a pretty find Spiderman and we all felt safer for our Superhero protection. He isn't nicknamed Walker Texas Ranger for nothin! He made a nice haul and spent most of his evening trading karate kicks with his friend. When he got home he proceeded to help Superman find a nice spot for his candy and only then did he put his own away. I heard him telling Superman to make sure to have Mom check all his candy before he ate any. I also overheard him telling Superman he was checking to make sure he didn't have any gold coins , because they had to be thrown away right away!

( we told the children of the poison candy and told them under no uncertain terms that they were in fact deadly and they were to throw them away should they happen to get a gold coin)

Superman oddly enough went as a Blue Power Ranger. His evening consited of running around to each and every car in the parking lot ( We did Trunk or Treating at our church) multiple times and getting as much loot as he possibly could carry. We even emptied his bucket in a pillow case so he could get more! If there was a more focused child trick or treating, I did not see one. Not even Sketch. Superman trampled small dogs and small girls to get to the good stuff. He was always polite to the candy vendor but those in line were fair game. Now mind you he wasn't being mean he was simply on his game. I couldn't believe the amount of energy he still had when it was all over.

FP and I crashed and the kids reminded us that the fun had just begun! Oh Sweet Candy Hell. We came home to our house destroyed! Clothes everywhere, diry dishes on the table, make up and costume pieces strewn about. Couch cushions askew, some on the floor. ( don't ask me why)

Enter the Hot Mess Halloween. Between checking candy, picking up wrappers, convincing a 4 year old that he cannot exist on candy alone and trying to clean up after Halloween. We live in what is no longer our home but Hot Mess Halloween. We are trying to recover. The children are in a 12 step program. FP and I are working with therapists. It is all very painful but we are managing.

I love Halloween. I even got to brush up on my special effects make up. I did a frost and ice effect for my face. I think it turned out pretty cool. I got several compliments and a lot of questions on how I did it.

FP got off of work and took us all to the church to get our trick or treat on. Bless his heart he gave out candy while I took Superman around. How sweet he looked sitting on a lonely curb with a glow in the dark pumpkin candy bucket in his lap. As we neared the end of the night I walked over to him only to discover a tidy pile of candy wrappers next to him. He had his hand in the candy jar all night! I was feeling sorry for him and all along he had the better job!

All in all a very good night.

Mrs. F.

p.s. check out my new recipe on Foodie Flabulosity.

Naptime conversations

2008-10-30T17:37:00.000-07:00

Once again today I was reminded how much my kids are like their father FP. He tends to say things that are random and then hilarity ensues.

Today Superman and I went to my room for naptime. Yes he did his snuggle routine and then a few minutes later I got up to check on something and came back and sat next to him on the bed. We chatted a little which ended in "I love yous" and then I laid next to him. As we laid there I heard this odd tap on the window. Then I heard another noise, all coming from our backyard. I knew it wasn't our dogs so I looked out the window. Well in truth BOTH Superman and I looked out the window to see a pigeon party in our backyard. Several birds were flapping around and kicking up a fuss. I was satisfied it was a bird that tapped the window and prepared to lay next to Superman again , when he gave a soft sigh and said with a smile.

" I hope they have a son"

blink
" you hope they have a little birdy son?"

"yes"

" why?"

" because I am a son.

" baby birdies are way cute huh?"

" yea I like them. The Daddy bird can take care of the baby"

" what does a daddy birdy do?"

" he ....I dunno?"

" does he protect the mommy birdy and the baby? Get food and give it to the mommy and baby? He works hard doesn't he?"

" yea he does"

" so what does the mommy birdy do?"

*pause* as he looks at me like " don't you know?" He gives a half smile and says:
"Uh...I dunno. She farts the babies out?" He giggles a little but tries to remain serious.

The conversation continued on for a few minutes more but ladies and gentlemen this is the best part. So from what I gathered from this encounter :

Superman saw something FAR different when he looked out the window than I saw otherwise his conversation about birdy babymaking came entirely from his mind. What is he thinking?!

Superman has the notion that Daddies don't participate in the process of birdymaking. Only the Mommy farts them out. *laughs* I honestly don't know where he even got that much information. *goes to have a conversation with Supermans older siblings*

I love a childs mind.

Late night musings and a little bit of snuggles.

2008-10-30T05:37:00.000-07:00

As Halloween approaches I have found I have less and less time to write. One thing I have realized however is that no matter how little time I have or how many things are rattling around in my head or how many things I have to do , I have a constant stream of recipes I am writing in my mind. Ever since I decided I was going to write a cookbook, my mind has gone into overdrive. I have so many ideas and thoughts going through my mind that I find that I go to sleep thinking about recipes and wake up doing the same. It's like even while I slept it continued. It is very wearing.

I keep thinking some day I would love to have a little chichi shop where I sell handmade creations or run a catering company but the more I research it the more it feels like a unreachable dream. Your talking about a woman who never went to college, never had any formal business training. Everything I know is self taught. All I know is I love to cook and bake. I love every aspect of the culinary arts. I love candy making. Working with chocolate is so fun. Also it has all come really easy to me. Any recipe I have tried. Or created has always been something I thought was really good but more importantly, everyone I had try it felt the same. Somehow I feel I have a knack but I really don't think I will ever really be able to make anything of this particular love. I want to be a caterer. I love the whole idea of providing a custom experience , doing something I love.

It's funny how dreams develop. I could never have seen this being my dream when I was 16. Or even 18. However as I have gotten older and learned to feed my family on several levels, it became something I just really felt I was good at. I never anticipated actually being so much like the other women in my family. What I mean is that between my grandmother and my mother I did not have a typical food experience growing up. There was no fast food, boxed meals or even "normal" meals. My grandmother made elaborate and stunning meals whenever I came to her house and she cooked that way all her life. When my friends were eating rice a roni and chicken , my mom was making sticky bones and noodles. Or we would have fruit and cheese and crusty bread for dinner. I could recount endless moments where I was intruduced to things my friends had never heard much less had eaten. Food for my family wasn't about eating or even about the food itself. It was about people who loved you preparing something to feed your body and your soul.

The women in my life did that. I presume that is why I have such a love of this kind of work. DM lets me help with some of the food at her christmas eve party she holds every year. I should clarify a little because it sounds as if this has been a long standing tradition but in truth this is the second year. I think she lets me help because she knows I like to but not necessarily because of any particular skill or aptitude I have. I think honestly she would rather do it herself. *giggle* I like helping cater her get togethers because it gives me experience in real time application of my recipes as well as being able to judge portions and quantity. Judging quantity is the hardest for me. I tend to make far too much food compared to what is actually consumed.

I have no idea why this post is all about my catering dream..lol. Perhaps it is just that I am tired and I haven't been sleeping well. Ah well enough of that. Onto much more fun topics.

Superman. He is such sweet , spontaneously affectionate yet outspoken and independant person. Since the time he was born he has been a snuggler. He loves to crawl in my bed and lay his head on my shoulder and curl his tiny body right up next to mine. He will just lay there. He doesn't need the T.V. or a book or any outside distraction. He just likes to lay there. I can't tell you how many times I have woken up to him next to me, wide awake but just snuggling next to me. The purpose of my telling you all of this is because he has a pattern now. He waits until he determines that I am getting ready for bed and he hops in bed ( we call it monkey in the middle) He announces to me and FP " I wanna sssssnuggle! "
That is my cue to say " you do?" Then in a softer more cajoling tone he says " Yes I wanna snuggle with you " Then it's my turn to get into bed and give him my shoulder , roll to face him and put my arm around him. He puts his thumb in his mouth, closes his eyes and sighs. Its a soft sound of contentment that I can only liken to that sound a baby makes after they have finished nursing and they have nodded off. Its that sound they make just after they seperate from you , like they don't want you to go away but they are so happy and sleepy that all they can muster as a protest is a sweet little sigh. This is our routine. This routine can take place at any time of day but most often right before bed.

Someday I am going to miss that. Someday I will read this and it might make me sad for want of the past. I wonder if any other mothers have these moments where they reflect and say someday I am going to ache with missing that. Or am I just a pathetic, sappy excuse for a mom?

There is no real point to this post and it is fairly random and bounces around a bit but that comes with being unfabulous I guess.
More later.
Mrs. F

Long overdue Update and Tradition commences.

2008-10-20T03:17:00.000-07:00

It has been some time since I posted. Fear not I have not lost my desire to fill you in on the ridiculous and mundane details of my families life. Instead it was something more sinister and less dramatic. A sign of the times has manifested in us having to cut back bills to be able to pay others. Aka net,cable and phone. We were offline for a month and we just couldn't sacrifice the net so we pared down the phone and cable to make it a more manageable bill. We also rectified a problem with our electric bill so that we should see significant savings shortly.

It is safe to say that we are about as bare bones as we can take at the moment. The kids need the net for school otherwise I would say we could do without that but to be honest we do everything on the net. Bill pay, maps, homeschool materials, we get all notifications online ( insurance etc.) Not to mention just about all family correspondance. So yea internet has become a necessity. Odd that.

What is new with us? Well largely it has been more of the same. Homeschool, activities, friends and family. Tomorrow when I have more time I will update on everyone individually and I am wont to do but for now we are all doing ok. Kids are busy. Hubby and I are busy and tired. a lot. a lot a lot. We have a wedding coming up, my hubby's youngest sister. It has made me reflect a bit on my own wedding and marriage and I might post on that at a later date.

We restarted some of our old family traditions that we had to stop after the housefire. It seems a small thing but honestly to me personally its huge. We began baking bread again. Before the fire I made everything from scratch that I could. Bread, rolls, muffins, tortillas etc. We had theme nights of the week. The kids LOVED it. One night chinese, one night italian etc. After the fire I kind of stopped cooking, I mean I cooked meals ( we didn't starve ) but it wasn't "my " cooking. It was thrown together stuff that just got everyone fed. I used to really thoughtfully and lovingly prepare meals. I love to cook so it was easy. I had a very well stocked kitchen and it just felt good to make homemade pizza or calzones. Or eggrolls and wontons, potstickers etc. Over the past 18 months I have noticed the kids say things like " remember when you used to make this? or remember when we would always do this ? Or the one that hurts the most. " I wish we could make "( eggrolls, lasagna,tortillas etc.) " again" It's hard to miss the longing in a child when they say things like that and you know they long for it because YOU don't or won't do it anymore.

Personally it was hard to get back into my old swing. It felt foreign and awkward and it didn't feel like it fit anymore. It was scarey too. If I restarted some old traditions it meant I would have to remember a life we no longer had. A home we no longer had. People we no longer have. I would have to go back to that dark place and find a way past it to be able to access those memories without them smelling like smoke. Without them feeling like fear. So I just decided one night that I was taking back one tradition at a time. One memory, one action that we did . Bread baking commenced and my daughter took to it like a champ. It is amazing how the smell of baking bread doesn't smell like smoke. It's memory might bring that smell to the forefront but suddenly you are reminded that the bread baking in the oven is a new memory, an old memory reinvented. It might seem odd to someone who hasn't exprienced a housefire to hear me relating it's smells to memories. If you have never experienced it you just can't know what I mean.

Your brain attatches that smell to everything you once knew. It's like a tag. Almost a classification of that time of your life and no matter what you can't change it's tag. Now I have always said the fire was a blessing and I truly believe that. There is no measuring how much of a blessing it was because far too many good things came from it. However that is not to say it was not hard, painfull and even now continues to be a recovery process. This is a life altering event and it doesn't just go away in a couple of years. This continues. Recovering from something like this takes such a long time and often people forget or grow tired of hearing about it. So like any mourning process it takes a lot of time and it has many steps. Reintroducing small traditions into our lives again is a small step toward reinventing memories with painfull tags. So we started with bread. It was good.
Mrs. F.

Observations and Musings.

2008-09-21T21:58:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I got a call from a girlfriend , she wanted to go shopping for some new work clothes and she wanted my company. It's funny how such a small gesture like a phone call " hey lets go do something" can really make you feel good. It's nice. So we head to the mall with her two small children. During the course of the afternoon I watched her do her "mommy" thing.

There were times she struggled , they are young and they are girls and I often thing in my experience that girls can be more demanding than boys. It's nature I think. There were moments where she struggled as I said but even in those moments she was and is such a good mom. I think sometimes she doesn't think so and she fears others might feel she lacks in the mom department. I think its a very real fear we all have as mothers and sometimes I think as mothers we can look at other moms as less than if they don't "do" what we do.

Let me tell you what I saw. I saw a mom desprately trying to find clothes while keeping two tired girls engaged and quiet. In everything she did she thought of them first. She got them sweets from a machine before they even asked. She just thought it would be nice for them. It's amazing how a few Runts can work magic on tots. She watched where she put her stroller, never too far from her. When she ordered food she thought of them first. She cut up a corndog in small pieces so that her 1 yr daughter wouldn't choke. She patiently let the child hold the half of a corndog still intact when her loving gesture of cutting it up went unappreciated. She walked the opposite way she wanted to go so her other daughter could use the bathroom. She did all of this because thats what moms do but let's ask ourselves one question. WHY? Why not leave them with a babysitter? Why not give yourself some peace?

My daughter babysitts for her children everyday. She could have left her with MTA but she didn't. I even offered to let her bring her girls over while we went to the mall and this is what she said to me. " Well I wanted to bring them because I have been gone a lot lately ( She has to work since her hubby is under employed right now) . I know they would be unhappy if I left so soon after getting home from work. Plus I want to spend time with them" Simple reasons but they speak volumes as to who she is and what kind of mom she is.

Iv'e done my fair share of outings with my kids and for years every grocery trip , doctors appointment, anything. They went. I remember always feeling overwhelmed and less than as a mother. To watch her yesterday brought back so much of those memories but in a way I didn't expect. I didn't remember how hard it was, or the tantrums or how inconvenient it was to nurse a baby mid shopping trip in a hideaway bathroom of a mall. I didn't recall how stressful it was to tote 4 or 5 kids around as we looked for shoes or backpacks. I didn't recall how it made me want to cry at the end of shopping trips because they wore me out so badly.

What I recalled was this. Walker TR even as a baby had the most infectious laugh( he still does) People would leave their check out lanes to come find the laughing baby. I recalled how he used to love to ride in the cart and he and Farty Papa would race down the isles of Wal Mart late at night , yes that is when we shopped. So what. He loved and still does, to help put things in the cart. When he was smaller it used to be whatever he could reach. A constant source of frusteration for me but now I just remember how serious he was about filling up the cart. We need this, and this, and this.

I recalled when MTA was a baby and she would ask questions the whole trip as we shopped. "Why is that bag purple? How much does the bread cost? What time is it? Can I have that? I want a Kasimodo pillow ( Quasimodo , it was back when the Disney movie Hunchback of Notre Dame came out ) Can I have a Kasimodo pillow? How come carrots are orange? Do you like my shoes? " It used to wear me out but now I miss it. She used to have a band aid fetish and used to wear them on her upper lip like a mustache. *laughs* People would ask her if she had an owie and she would say " No I don't" I would then have to explain that she just really liked band aids. As she slips further into teenhood I miss how everything she wanted to say, she wanted to say to me. I remember how important talking to me was to her.

Macguyver used to take it upon himself to make sure we had the best cart. Sometimes checking 4 or 5 carts before he found one that was suitable. He was about 4 at the time. Imagine how long that could take. Now imagine the time it took when we graduated to 2 carts at a time. Yea. He took a great interest in how much things cost and listened intently to Farty Papa's many lessons on price per ounce and how to determine the best price for the amount in the package. He also loved the toy aisle. It used to be an aisle I would avoid because he had so much to say on every toy. How cool it was and how it would work great with something he already had. How he wanted this builder set so he could make this cool robot . It killed me because we could never afford new toys but once a year at Christmas and most years not even then. Now I can only see the light in his eyes in those memories and how wonderous a new toy was.

Sketch is a quiet one and even as a baby he was content to just ride in the cart. Mostly what I remember was Farty Papa carrying him around in a backpack and Sketch would bang on his head as they walked and pull his hair. I remember one time I looked up at Sketch in the backpack and the butt area was soaked. Sketch had peed down Farty Papa's neck as we walked through Wal Mart. I remember as he got older his attention was drawn to crayons , markers and paper. He loved paper. It used to be overwhelming because he wanted to go to the art supplies but I had two carts I had to fill with groceries. Now I just remember his smile as he browsed supplies he knew he couldn't get. He was content to just look.

When superman was smaller ( hes still small) He could be fairly vocal about his needs. I can't say that any of my kids every really threw tantrums that I can remember but Suprman cried sometimes. He loved bananas ( he still does) When he was very young would have to carry a little teether thing that was like a net cup so that when we got bananas we could put a piece in it for him so he would just be quiet about the bananas. Now I miss that. Now he sits quietly and spends the time I am shopping, telling me how much he loves me and how he "wishes" I would get him this or that . Or how he thinks I am going to get him this or that. His way of subliminal messaging my brain I think. He thinks he is clever. In truth he's just cute and growing up too fast so I give in sometimes just because I like his smile and I know one day I will miss his shopping cart conversations.

So getting back to my story about the trip to the mall. As I watched her during the time I also began to watch other mothers. We went to a small play area in the mall ( ok so it needs to be known there were NO play areas in shopping malls when my kids were small . I am a tad miffed . ) In the play area I got to see several moms in several stages of mommyhood. Pregnant with small kids, tots and even a little older kids. All with moms either avidly and carefully watching and observing their play or with moms who were actively playing with their kids. I witnessed moms of all colors, races and nationalities doing what we all do. Mother. Women with overladen strollers and bags under their eyes, some moms were put together , with full make up and hair but mostly they looked tired and just greatful to have a moment to sit. While others hovered over little ones helping them slide or climb.

Now before I go on I want to be clear about something. I knew there were a ton of good moms in the world , in my community etc. It wasn't something that I wasn't aware of I mean I just took for granted that most moms were good moms. Different maybe but still good to their kids. However sitting there watching these moms it became really evident that motherhood surrounds us all.

There are so many good moms and not a single mom in that play area looked like another. Not a single one did things the same way , they didn't dress alike or think exactly like another. They were all inherently different yet they formed a sisterhood in my mind so suddenly and completley. Suddenly they were one woman. One purpose and one goal. The purpose to be the best mom they knew how to be. The goal to raise their children safely and well. Not a single one will do it the same as another yet somehow they will do just that. In that moment suddenly I didn't feel less than. I felt part of something so much bigger than myself . I am raising 5 parts of the world. 5 people who in some way or fashion will leave a mark on the world after I am gone. Suddenly I didn't feel like I would never get my chance to leave my mark on the world. I realized I already have.

I always knew I would be a mom but I didn't always know I would be greatfull for it. I knew I would love my children but I didn't always know I would want to be someone they could love in return. I just didn't think about it.
I know now. I might be a different mom but I am the best mom I know how to be and I try every day to be better. I hope someday when my children are raising children they will look back on their time with me and remember the good things and much as time has done for me, forget the bad.

I suppose I want to say to any moms who might read this, keep your head up and do what you know is best for your families. Do your best because that is all that anyone can expect from you. Silence your worst critic, (your own mind) Try to see the good you do and do even better tomorrow. Accept that somedays will be bad and some will be worse. Allow yourselves to be imperfect. Allow yourselves to be different. Allow yourselves to be who you are and get ok with who you are.
As soon as you do you will see that those who matter were always ok with who you are and those who aren't never really mattered.

I don't know where all this has come from but I think it has some merit. Let me know what you think, pass it on to moms you know if you wish. Leave a message if you feel impressed to do so. Thanks for listening.

One more thing.
Thank you for everything DM. Thank you for so many things I can't count. Thank you for saying once you were proud of me. Thank you for being brave enough to go it alone with a young child for the best of both of us.

also I want to thank the moms out there that mothered me and didn't have to.
Including but not limited to
MIL who taught me to crochet and encouraged me to nurse my babies. And many other things.
Kaye who took care of me and my kids when I needed it.

Frusteration and Bar graphs

2008-09-18T09:51:00.000-07:00

Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a blank bar graph? I need a 15 row 5 column bar graph for estimating and it is like pulling teeth to find. Unless I can make one myself which I fear would take me the better part of a day to do, I am stuck.

Doesn't the great wide net world know it needs to provide for my homeschooling needs free of charge and on demand?! Sheesh the internet is FIRED today.

Oh and trust me when I tell you that drawing bar graphs by hand with sharpies SUCKS. Also doing it without a ruler is not advised and is possibly illegal. sigh.

I need a homeschool sugar daddy AND a robot slave to do all of my technical junk so I have the materials I need before I even know I need them. Yep. Yep.

Oh and it should be known that the childrens first art and music class was a smashing success! They had a great time.

Stuff to do today:
Laundry
WalkerTR's Baptism invitation.
Calling SIL's E and K and ask them if they will sing at his Baptism.
Writing out a list of groceries for his reception.

So far my friend Kelly and my mom are bringing stuff to help with the cost. SUCH a huge relief. I hate to ask for help with that stuff , it was so nice that Kelly offered. However it should be known that I shanghied DM into bringing stuff..LOL. She has always been more than willing to help with pretty much anything offers before I have to ask but this time I asked because I suppose I really wanted her to be involved. It is a huge relief that she and DBF are coming.
(Darling Boyfriend) .

WalkerTR reallllllllllllllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy wanted them there but he didn't want to say anything because he knows they don't really dig the churchy stuff.
Anywhoo I am sure I will write more later but I will leave you with this parting thought.

Never ever believe your kids when they say they will clean the kitchen while you go to bed. You will wake up with a plastic cup stuck in your garbage disposal and dirty dishes that mock you incessantly. It's like a law. Oh and two sets of needlenose pliars liberates a plastic cup from a garbage disposal prison. Grunting helped. Cursing not so much.

Oh and one last golden nugget. When an 11yr old boy and a 9yr old boy get together after they both ate beans and cheese. A nuclear explosion occurs in an invisible cloud of fallout. Thus creating scene of mayhem and destruction that only a smell so bad it makes you cry can do. People we are talking devastation. Open the windows and burn every candle and pray there is no "residue" kind of devastation. It should also be noted that said boys are OBLIVIOUS to their own "brand" and even find it HIGHlarious that they can gas you out. Wicked mongrels.

*marks pinto beans off the grocery list"

Have a less gassy day than me, please for the love of all that is holy and good in the world. Oh and if you knock on my door the cloud that will greet you WAS NOT ME!

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
Love,
Mrs.F

Farty Papa and Elephant Jokes

2008-09-16T12:04:00.000-07:00

Well this week has taken off so fast and just continues to run and run. We had a decent first week of school bearing in mind that half the kids were sick.

We seem to be in a really good routine and I love that. I need routine in my life to make me feel settled. I have always been a firm believer that children need routine as well. I also don't believe in scheduling every moment of their days. We are a busy family but by no means are out children swamped with actvities.

Our days start out at 6 am with the kids getting up and dressed and tidying their rooms. We generally breakfast at 7:30 am. They generally have an hour to read or watch cartoons until my first daycare girl leaves. I have her every other week for 3 hrs in the mornings. So on weeks she isn't here they read on weeks she is they get cartoons. After I take her to school we start our school at 9am.
It goes generally as follows:
Journaling
Handwriting
Spelling and Vocabulary
Notebooking for the older kids.
Reading for 1 hour and then writing summaries on chapters read.
Language and Grammar
Math
Science
History and Geography.

Three times a week we have science experiments
Once a week art and music lessons. At least one other day will include art homework. Music practice is determined by their teacher.

All in all I think a very good school day. Speaking of homeschool. A sister in my church ward called me this morning and said there was a friend of hers who used to homeschool but her kids are grown now and she is selling all of her stuff. OH! How I wish I had any money to be able to take advantage of this because no doubt this would be a great opportunity to get some great things for much less than retail. We just don't have the funds. My friend said she had maps and a globe! I would just about kill for a globe and some maps for the walls. I really want to just go SEE what she has. Maybe I can convince FP to take me and just look. Sadly he knows me too well. :(

Speaking of Farty Papa. That man just makes me laugh. Last night we were laying in bed with a couple of the kids and just talking when he starts talking in this accent. He calls it his Bill Cosby impression. When I remember what it did sound like I will let you know. GAH I can't remember. He just had me in stitches last night. Soon Macguyver2 was telling jokes as was MTA. Soon the inevitible happened.

You see. Farty Papa is notorious for his Elephant jokes. They are such groaners. Yet he tells them over and over and no matter how hard I try not too I laugh. The kids love them and I see a very real possability that they will pass these down to their children because there will be no family heirlooms or fine china. Our legacy is going to be recipes and elephant jokes.

Life is good.

I don't know why I was allowed such a great family but there isnt a bucket large enough to hold my gratitude.

More later
Mrs. F.

I've been tagged by one of my favorite people.

2008-09-12T12:21:00.000-07:00

Four Places I've Lived:
1. Phoenix, Arizona
2. Mission Bay, California
3. Mesa, Arizona
4. Mankato, Minnesota

Four Favorite Books:
1. Man's Search For Meaning
2. The Earth Children Series
3. I Never Promised You a Rose Garden
4. The Frugal Gourmet

Four Favorite Movies:
1. The Abyss
2. Noises Off
3. Phanton of the Opera I prefer the Opera though.
4. Underworld

Four Embarrassing Facts About Me:
1. I don't often pay attention when hubby is talking to me and often have to have him repeat it. Its embarassing because I don't mean to zone out but I get focused on what I'm doing and everything else tends to just go away.
2. I laugh outloud at the most inappropriate times, when something strikes me as funny and when people fall down. The movie theatre, late at night in bed while hubby is sleeping, In church.
3. I have mooned an undercover cop once. I was young and unaware he was the po-po.
4. I have been known to on occasion, snort when I laugh. Don't ask me about it I won't demonstrate it.

Four Dreams Of Mine:
1. I want to write a series of cookbooks as well as a Sci Fi series I have been working on for several years.
2. I want to get my degree in Gastronomy and Culinary Arts. I want to be a Caterer.
3. I want to be my childrens friend when they are adults. I want to have close positive relationships with them all of their lives.
4. I want to further my painting hobby possibly through education.

Four Pet Peeves:
1. Drop Ins.
2. Buttinskys.
3. People who hurt you on purpose and try to pass it off as a loving gesture.
4. Gossip.

Four Things That Make Me Really Happy:
1. Dates with my Hubby.
2.Lunch with my girlfriends.
3. My children.
4.My nieces and nephews. So very happy. Being an Aunt is one of my favorite things. I wish circumstances made it so we could see them more.

People I tag:Freddie, Farty Papa, Neetzy

This Just In.

2008-09-12T06:04:00.000-07:00

According to a very reliable source ( Superman) apparrently his private has a bone in it. He informed me this morning and went on to say "it's" just like Walker TR and Sketch's.

Mrs. F " with bones in?"

Superman" yes, just like theirs"

This seems to be a symbol of his big boyness. Boy howdy yes it is. Sigh. Why do boys inform eachother of their non boneless properties?

anyone?

anyone?

Thus begins his facination I presume.

Your Boogers are Bigger Than That! and Lost dogs.

2008-09-12T03:09:00.000-07:00

Yes this post needed it's own home so I didn't jsu throw it in with the bathwater of the previous post.

Ok so the background on this post is as follows. Sketch hasn't been feeling well. He made friends with a cold and it callously turned on him. Don't they all? Why didn't I mention that he was sick before? As I told you before I felt this story merited it's own place in the blogosphere. So there.

So poor Sketch has had a low grade fever and a stuffed nose that is something to behold. So for the past two days he has been laying low, reading and journaling and making BFF's with Motrin. This evening he came into FP's and I's room and asked if he needed more Motrin before bed. Upon hearing his congestiony tone asked Sketch if he thought he could swallow a pill. Sketch being timid in nature and fairly healthy most of his life has never had the need to "learn" to swallow a pill. He was pretty sure he couldn't.

FP then decided Sketch needed a Benadryl and told Sketch to get a cup of water. He freaked. Now freaking out for Sketch is a very subtle thing and unless you know him you don't see it. It's the subtle widening of eyes. No larger than saucers. It's the gentle shake in his voice. And thats about it. There is no thrashing and wailing. No tears and no drama. It is just not his style.

Sketch dutifully obeyed and left the room to get his glass of impending doom. When he returned he had brought a friend with him. Namely the bright pink throw up bowl. Yes we have a bowl dedicated to throw up. Have you ever had six kids? Have you ever had 4-6 sick at the same time with the flu? Then don't judge me. *grin* He has the trusty throw up bowl tucked under his arm and FP and I do not miss the meaning of it's presence. Though we do try hard not to laugh at his silent declaration of his torture.

Sketch knows he is going to throw up.

I wonder if I am in the mood to watch that but I want to see him succeed so I stay , impending puke or no. Hey thats the kind of mom I am. I'm supportive. Unless it involves frogs, spiders, boogers or exploding diarrhea. And Cicadas. But I'm still supportive. Yea. So FP gets out the tiny pink pill of doom and proceeds to explain to Sketch how to swallow his doom. Sketch is riveted on his Dads' words. He takes the pill and places it in his mouth , takes about half a teaspoon of water and yes you guessed it. Gags and spits it out. " I can't do this " he quivers. FP" yes you can. Try again" Sketch doesn't move. FP louder " Put it in your mouth and try again" Sketch hesitates and I wonder if we are going to have a parent child meltdown. Sketch comes through with the bravery and puts the pill back in place and resigns himself to impending death. He takes an only moderately bigger sip of water and FP says " more water Sketch" sip. FP sighs " MORE water Sketch" A gulp ensues and the pill goes down . SUCCESS!

The aftermath is as follows. Sketch begins to extoll his fears about how he was so certain he was going to choke to death. " My heart is pounding so hard Dad! I was so scared I was gonna choke" Turns out the puke bowl was his best case scenario. Puke =best outcome. Death= worst outcome. Poor guy.
Now FP is stunned and his comment illustrates that entirely. As you may or may not know Benadryl is only slightly bigger than the size of an ant. Yes an ant like you find on the sidewalk. FP proceeds to say:

" Your boogers are bigger than that!" Hilarity ensues . I laugh and FP laughs and finally Sketch decides yea thats pretty funny. He relaxes and decides he is pretty proud that he can swallow pills now. WOOHOO!

It should be noted that Sketch does not in fact eat his boogers. He never has. He's a picky eater.

So pill success and yet another one of FP's comments that are blog worthy.

On to lost dogs. If you note the time stamp of my previous entry you will note that it was written in the middle of the night. As I was writing it I heard very very loud barking right outside my house. So loud that my dogs sleeping in their kennels inside my house woke and began their own chorus. I woke FP and asked him what I should do ? I looked out the window and determined that the dog was a boxer or pitbull. That gave me pause. If I went out there then I might DIE! You see where my kids get their dramatics? Oh be quiet.

Anyway, when MTA woke from the dog barking outside her window which is actually what prompted me to ask FP his advice. His bleary eyed advice was to call 911 and report a lost dog. Seriously? yes seriously. I just love him..LOL.
So no I didn't call 911 and I didn't call animal control because they aren't open in the middle of the night. I'm pretty sure.

So I decide I am going to go meet this dog and hopefully determine it's owners or at least get it to shoo. I go out there and my daughter decides she should go with me and I agree as I tell her " If it attacks me get dad and then call 911." Hey it was a medium size dog and it was obviously a pitbull or boxer. I think she was a boxer. My only experience with a boxer was not a pleasant one. Talk about the most irritating, destructive and LOUD dog. It was not trained and it was aggressive. So suffice to say i'm just a tad.....concerned.

I go out there and I can hear that the dog is right on my carport between my two cars. She lets out a warning " woof" I speak calmly to her , almost like a baby and she trots up to me tail wagging and head down. I hold my hand out and she flops her big head into my palm and licks me and then leans against my leg in total submission. Instant love. I LOVE this dog. LOVE it. Now I have been known to fall for animals easily but not generally dogs. Dogs take me time to love and often it is a constantly fluctuating relationship. I don't know why that is . Now I don't hate dogs. I actually really do like them. I just prefer small dogs. Really small. Big dogs just are not my forte. I have had a couple of big dogs and I am not a good big dog owner. I can't invest the time they need and it's not fair to them so I decided a long time ago that I just can't have big dogs.

This dog however , she for some reason just got my soft bits and gave em a big hug. Doggie love. Too bad she isn't mine. We gave her some water and it turns out two other neighbors were woken by her antics and came over to help find her home. I haven't blogged about my neighor Anna but I just really like her. Anyway Anna comes over as well as a young man from across the street. The young man came over first and called the numbers on the dogs tags to no avail. We were at a loss until Anna came over. She knew the dogs owners and proceeded to tell us that this dog drove her crazy. It was always out and would come to her house and bark at her front window and drive her dogs crazy. Much like she did to us.

We take the dog back and fashion a tie because the owners were asleep. They suck. Their dog woke up the whole neighborhood and they get to sleep? Suckage. So MTA gets the pink throw up bowl ( yes it was clean) and fills it with water and leaves it for the dog. Thus the bowl has a new home. I find some sick satisfaction knowing that these owners who selfishly slept while the neighborhood tended their dog, are now the proud owners of our throw up bowl.
Yea thats good stuff.

So I left Choxie with her pretend owners ( cause she's really mine) . She cried as we walked away. I hated to leave her like that but there was no way to get her into her backyard. The upside is I don't hear her anymore so I think either she settled down and went to sleep or her she finally woke her owners and they let her in. So that was our eventful night.

Time for me to begin getting lessons together. Superman has been waking up in the middle of the night and he woke up a few minutes ago and wants some mommy time. I should put him back to bed but how long will he actually be wanting to spend time with me? I am going to take advantage of this while I can.

Till next time.
I hope your days are as chaotic and wonderful as mine.
Mrs. F.

Art lessons and General chaos.

2008-09-12T01:45:00.001-07:00

So lately we have been so busy it's like we are swimming upstream with our pants full of rocks and not in a good way. Let's see we have the kids engrossed in school, Hubby working more hours, Mrs. F's daycare open for business, Youth activities once a week for 4 of the 5 broodlets, Science experiments, music lessons,art lessons, reading reading reading, Not to mention the daily chores we all love. I still haven't been able to open my business, funny thing about capital is that you have to have it and spend it to be able to run a business. It seems like there are so many more important things that need our money and my business just is not a priority.

Farty Papa is still loving the job. He talks about retiring there and how he hopes the salary will be one that we can live on comfortably and enable him to do just that. We are just hoping for good things when he meets with the Big Boss in a couple of weeks.

We don't hear much from Textman anymore. He is 16 with a job and a girlfriend , not to mention he doesn't get much encouragement to visit us from his "other" family. Me being an evil stepmother and all. *sigh*

Miss Teenage Argumenative is up to her eyeballs in school and work and she is struggling with balancing the two. So much so that she had to have some disciplinary help this past week which she was not at all thrilled with. I am hoping that she will soon be able to juggle both and be successful but FP and I told her squarely that if she can't find a happy medium she won't be able to continue with her job. School comes first. She is loving her social life right about now though. I love that she has BFF's now. She was never able to have that when we lived so far from civilization. Aka Minnesota. So aside from a minor setback regarding scheduling her time she is doing well and seems to be as normal a teenager as a teenager can be normal. Heaven help us.

MacGyver2 has discovered he loves to read. It is an amazing thing when a child discovers that love. I checked in on him tonight and he was zonked out in his bed with his Dads' flashlight on and a book butterflied on his chest. Yay Leven Thumps! He is currently between two books. Harry Potter 1 and Leven Thumps. So now I need to find study guides for both to enable him to use them as his literature picks for school. I am thrilled that he is loving school and his desire to read makes life in the schoolroom so much better for him and for me. YAY!

Sketch has just blossomed this summer. He is still timid when asked to read out loud but his reading comprehension is awesome. His writing is better as is his spelling and he continues to improve daily. He discovered he actually likes to read. He hates to write. LOL. He is intimidated by spelling and how the english language just isn't spelled how it sounds. So we are just reinforcing his spalding phonics and the rules and keeping the pressure off of him as best we can. He loves math , art and science. He and his brother Walker TR were thrilled to find out that we are having an art major friend of mine come in once a week and teach the children art and music. I think we are all excited about that.

I love the idea of outsourcing some of my lessons. It takes the pressure off of me to provide the inspiration for art projects and lessons and allows me to let someone else help out. My friend is excited to come do this and the kids love the idea that someone other than Mom is going to teach them. Iv'e decided that I am going to investigate homeschool co-ops in my area and see what they have to offer. Who knows what will come of it but maybe they have curriculum at a discount . I am a self professed curriculum junkie.

Moving on to Walker TR. He is probably the most excited about school next to Superman ( who isn't officially IN school yet.) He is the first one up everyday and he eats breakfast before the rest of us bleary eyed suckers can even say good morning. It was funny , the other day WalkerTR was eating cereal when I came out, he said a chipper good morning and proceeded to say" I'm eating now so I don't have to worry about it later when we start school" LOL! It should be noted we eat breakfast everyday and it is in no way a special occasion. I just grinned and refrained from telling him that he was SUPPOSED to have breakfast before school and that is how we have always done it. Excitement tends to make one take leave of their senses temporarily and none more that Walker TR. Two days ago he was really sorry he ate his breakfast before Mom got up. Mom made dutch babies with ham. Needless to say he had two breakfasts that day. He makes me giggle.

Superman was THRILLED to "do school" He learned the letter one and two and colored an octopus. He got to write on his dry erase board and "read" a book or two. He liked silent reading time. I think he felt big like the other kids. He continues his infatuation with Little Miss Princess and its a good thing. For now. LOL.

I think that wraps it up for the family. I didn't really update about me but honestly im just trying to keep up with these freaks. I love my freaks.

More later
Mrs. F

Birthdays and The Runway to Homeschooling

2008-09-04T18:01:00.000-07:00

It's been awhile since I wrote and I'd have to say it wasn't for lack of desire. I wanted to write but sometimes I just don't have the brain power to sit down and order my thoughts.

This past week was eventful. Walker TR had a birthday. His excitement was palpable. He has a list of requirements for his day and FP and I tried our best to accomodate. It was strange though. It was almost as if we were still across country for his birthday. It was just our family that celebrated. All extended family was absent. It felt odd to be so close and yet still fairly alone.

Walker had a specific idea about how is day should go. He planned his dinner menu and the evening activity as well. What he didn't know is that FP and I had plans for him as well. It worked out. His plans were as follows.

Walker TR's plans.

Play Nuke'em in the backyard with dad and siblings. Accomplished.
Have Mom's mac n cheese with chicken , three kinds of green veggies with cheese sauce ( broccoli, peas and green beans) His favorites. Dinner. Accomplished.

Bake a strawberry cake with strawberry frosting with sliced strawberries with Dad. No FP was not a cake topper but baking with Dad was the topper for the day as far as WTR was concerned. It is funny because WTR likes strawberry anything but not as much as this cake confection might indicate. His real reason for such a strawberry carnival? Sketch HATES strawberries. He said to me when we were planning his menu " Oooh Sketch is gonna hate me!" *insert wicked wicked giggle here* All in all it was a yummy cake and even Sketch liked it. He picked off his strawberry though.( he has an odd strawberry seed phobia, don't ask me). Accomplished.

After dinner watch Spongebob Squarepants marathon. accomplished.

Mrs.F and FP's plans for Walker TR :

We decided to take him shopping for his present. Make him part of the experience. He loved it. This was a special birthday , he turned 8. That means he will be baptized this month. Very exciting. Very important. FP started a tradition. Upon turning 8 every child receives their first pocket knife. ( please no drama about kids and knives. This is about teaching your child to be safe with knives and the proper use of knives. As a tool etc. All of our children were/are Scouts and as such need them for activities and for emergency preparedness.) The children love this birthday. They wait for it like none other. So FP picked out his pocket knife and presented Walker TR with it and he has not parted with it since. He carries it everywhere. Thank goodness he isn't a frequent flier. lol.

So after picking out his knife we went on to shop for ingredients for his meal. He was very serious about it and it was nothing short of adorable. " Mom we need this and don't forget that. " So like his father.

After shopping we took Walker TR out to lunch for his Birthday lunch. Chik Fil A. I should tell you that we have the BEST store near us. The Manager and owner are soooooo nice. They made him feel special. They made us feel valued. It was a great experience. Thank you Chik Fil A.

We left with our ice cream cones in hand and headed home to commence baking. All in all a good day. Walker TR said it was his best birthday yet.
That was great to hear.

His birthday was a geat lead in to the week. MTA and I spent the last several days printing hundreds of copies for the homeschool year. I found some awesome resources online and we will begin with this material until their tangible books arrive. Such a blessing the internet is. Of course you have to be thorough and careful what you choose to use. Not everything you find is a gem. However I have spent years compiling my net resources and I could confidently teach just about every grade from material I found off the net if I chose to do so. I buy the core curriculum so that we have physical books to use as well 1. because its a great curriculum and 2. because we all love books.

So here I sit with a good grasp on the rapidly approaching start date for homeschooling, feeling confident and mostly prepared. The kids need school supplies and FP and I don't have the funds to do that yet. So we are scrounging for stuff we used last year. Anyone have any three ring binders? folders? LOL

More later.
Mrs. F.

Who needs enemies with friends like these?!

2008-08-29T12:01:00.000-07:00

Ok so talking to a friend of mine online while he was on his lunch break. I like a dummy ask him " whatcha havin?"

He sucks. You see I have a problem. I am impressionable. When people are eating better stuff than I am, I want it. I am a foodie to begin with and then when someone begins to extoll the virtues of their lunch I begin to think about it. And then I begin to think" yea that sounds good. " Then I begin to think " I want that" Then I begin to think " I have to have that. " So hence my friend is EVIL!

His lunch that got me started is as follows.
Salmon Sammy on sourdough WITH Crab bisque. I hate him.

I love seafood. He KNOWS that. So then being the jerk that he is he begins to ask what kind of sushi I like. ALL OF IT DUH! (mostly)

I don't like him anymore. Then he laughs because he KNOWS that he is being mean and says :

" There thats your virtual lunch served up in style!"

He sucks. So my only option is to suffer.

Im suffering. Can't you see me suffering?
*cries*

More later when I recover.
Mrs. F.

Stuff , more stuff and Constipation

2008-08-28T14:29:00.000-07:00

So yesterday I try to give my blog this pretty background to no avail. The directions on the website make no sense to me! I really want a cute blog too!

Anyway I spent this past week musing over some personal things and getting ready to start out homeschool year. It dawned on me that sometimes friends sneak up on you. A little background is necessary here. Most of my married life I have really not had any close girlfriends that lived nearby. Ones that I could tend their kids and she mine. Go out to lunch or just call and say I need a friend can you come over? Well it seems I have been snuck up on. There is a friend at church who literally lives around the corner from me and we seem to have really hit it off. We talk just about everyday even if its just hey whats up? nothing. Ok well I'll see you later this afternoon.

My daughter babysits for her in the afternoons and it has been really nice to have a tangible friend. One that say OMG I need milk im coming to get some of yours. Or hey you need cereal? I have a ton. Or hey you need to get out of the house come to WalMart with me. For no reason at all. Just because she wants my company. I like that. I like having a friend that seems to want to spend time with me. Who thinks to call me. We vent about life and talk about problems and I just see a lot of potential for a real solid friendship there. After recent events I began to feel as though I might be unfriendable. That perhaps there was some fundamental flaw that everyone else saw and not me, that made it so hard for me to find friends that were real. I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Here's hoping.

Onto the family update. Farty Papa has recently changed schedules at work and that makes for some rough mornings but he doesn't complain. We are really hoping that this job becomes one we can support our family on. We aren't there yet but again with the hope. FP always seems to find moments to spend with the kids that somehow become these huge laugh fests. Farting contests, chasing Superman down the hall until he howls. It's moments like these when I know that things are good. I have made good choices and that any strife we have had is so very worth it. Thank you FP.

Superman has a girlfriend. Little Miss Princess. Yes you heard it here first. He LURVES her. I caught him holding her hand today. When LMP is here they are inseperable. Now mind you they fight like any married couple but the love is there. She kinda likes him too but it has become apparent when her mom arrives there will be no more hugging! So now that Superman has a girlfriend he has begun to realize heartbreak too. She won't share her cereal bar or she pushes him away when he wants to hug her. Young love, how fickle. How sweet. Ok they are 4 and 2 they don't have anything really important to fight over. What do you want from me?

MTA has had a busy week. She has a new babysitting schedule now and with her penchant for staying up late its coming back to bite her in her argumenative butt. MUAHAHAHAHA. *cough cough* Sorry had a bit of insanity there. The reason this amuses me is partly because im sick but more so because I TOLD her this was going to happen. I TOLD her life was going to get hard if she didn't manage her time. I think she is beginning to see. One day she will just know her mom is always right. She has also been enjoying time with her friends and church activities. She also likes having money. In a couple of weeks FP and I are going to take her to open her first checking account. She is thrilled about that. The stipulation will be that she must have a savings account as well and she will put aside a percentage of what she makes ( yet to be determined) in the savings account. She is growing up too fast. Far too fast.

Mr. Literal henceforth shall be renames as Macguyver2. He didn't like his nickname and in truth this fits him better. So M2 started a new year of scouts and he loves it. He goes on his first campout to the Lava Caves in Sept. Can you say excitement x infinity? I think secretly FP is excited too because I think he might get to go too. M2 is also doing a merit badge round up where he gets to pick three badges to accomplish at once. He picked fingerprinting and golf for sure. He can't remember the other one but I believe it has to do with citizenship. All in all good stuff.

Sketch has been laying low lately. His friend comes over every morning at 6am and I think that is just a little too early for him. He gets up and spends time with her but around 2pm he gets very tired and impatient. He crawled in my bed earlier today and slept for about 45min. I think he takes after me in that, if he doesn't get the amount of sleep he needs he drags and I have also noticed him having trouble settling down too. I hope its a phase. Sketch has also been enjoying scouts as well. This week we have to do a family tree and I am looking forward to that only because I hope it might actually get me started on geneology. Probably not but again with the hope.

WalkerTR was sick this past week. And now we get to the second half of my topics. Sunday WTR woke up with a fever,low grade but he complained of a tummy ache. So as any mom would do I had him lay on his back and I palpated his belly for any hardness that might indicate a problem that needed medical attention. I detected none and opted to wait it out. I gave him meds for the fever which in a day or so was gone yet his tummy ache persisted. So on day three I asked him one of the questions that young boys get embarassed about. *deep breath* I looked him squarely in the eye and I said *with a straight face* " Have you pooped today? " At this point I begin to detect a change in the color of his face. Pink I think its called. *straight face straight face* She tries not to smile when he replies. " No not today" I nod solemnly and reply " Well your body needs to do that everyday and when it doesn't stuff gets backed up in there" His face changes from mirth to panic as he blurts out" I didn't today or yesterday or the day before! " Now I know this is nothing to panic about but a 7yr old not so much. Before I can reassure him he asks " How bad is it? Do I have to go to the doctor?!" I shake my head and state " No but you need to drink water and a lot of it. Also go have some juice. You will be fine but I bet thats why your tummy hurts" He nods and dashes off to facilitate his healing. A day later needless to say it all worked out in the end. Oh gimmie a break I couldn't resist! I can't wait for the " mom my pintu' gets stiff , is it broken?" talk. He doesn't know what he's in for. MUAHAHAHAhA! *cough* hack* No seriously though he has no idea!

I love the adventures in This Motherhood.

more later. Make sure to check out my cookbook blog and leave me your thoughts.
until next time
Mrs. F.

Yay fraud and Cell phone contracts

2008-08-21T16:26:00.000-07:00

Well friends today has been a gem of a day. It turns out that somehow , somewhere out there in the great wide world , my credit card number "somehow" got into the bad guys hands. The bad guys being those that will drain your account, take out credit cards in your name AND open bank accounts in your name etc.

So after an interesting converstaion with my bank , I discover that not only can they NOT give me any information as to what merchant let my card number get stolen, they can't really tell me anything except that they need to change my number. So I ask "bank worker" my really obvious question. One that I think most would ask because well, its obvious and a NO BRAINER.

" How do I prevent this from happening again if you can't tell me what merchant my card was compromised from?" She stammers, then stutters and then as honestly as she can says" That is a really good question, er..well. I am sorry maam I don't have an answer to that question for you" The shock in her voice was astonishing because I cannot fathom that I am the first person ever to ask my fraud protection dept. " How can I prevent this?" So she then says" can I help you with anything else?" Can you hear my stunned silence? I blink and say" Hello?" because surely she can't be serious. No offer to find someone to answer my question? No manager? Nope. Turns out my question is so original that I don't get an answer.

So it turns out that not only do I have to be worried about crooks and thieves but now I am terrified at the lack of knowledge that the people who are "protecting" me have. Needless to say, if you want something done, do it your damn self.

On to the next gripe. Our cell phone company is awful. It is criminal that they can assess you arbitrary fees to the tune of hundreds of dollars per line simply because they want to. Its criminal and lucky for them I have no problem saying exactly what I feel. Phone call tomorrow pending. Not a happy Mrs. F. today.

I am happy about the fact that I started my cookbook. Writing recipes is cathartic for me. I hope to publish at some point so it is likely that the recipes I post in this blog won't be in the actual cookbook because who would buy a cookbook that is free on the web?! So my intent with the cooking blog is to just share recipes and get feedback as well as post recipes sent to me by friends and family.

The kids are doing well, they are excited to start school. So many new things this year and I am excited as well. To see Sketch suddenly love to read is such a sweet memory. There have been those that have been such a source of negativity in regards to our homeschooling, they quiz the children, put them on the spot and make them uncomfortable only to somehow prove to themselves that the children are somehow uneducated and lacking. So to watch their daily progress always does my heart good.

I could go and on about similar stories from homeschooling families that encounter this type of thing too. It's as if by doing something outside the box it threatens those that are inside that box. So much so that they feel the need attack your decisions and methods in order to justify their own decisions. It's uncomfortable for me to encounter these people simply because I don't look at someone else or another family and pass judgement of any kind. Namely because its not my family but also because I tend to focus on my world and let others tend to theirs. I have never thought to push my beliefs on others in regards to how they raise their children or how they educate them. Or how they raise them at all because the long and short of it is, I don't know their whole situation.

What I mean to say is people tend to let people know what they wish them to know. Or what they feel comfortable letting them in on. So to expect that I know their situation would just make me foolish.

It's like the people who glare at the moms in the check out line because her child is throwing a righteous tantrum and she loses her temper and says " shut up" or She does nothing at all. What if she gave into the childs demands. You can just hear the gasps of disapproval. Or worse she grabs the child by the arm and hauls them out of the store with the child barely in tow. No one can say that is the best way to handle the situation but being a parent I can identify with the level of frusteration that comes with losing your temper. It happens. I don't see that woman as anything but a tired mom with a child who is probably even more tired. What if that mom has something awful going on and she is just trying to keep it together? It doesn't mean she is an awful mom or person only that she didn't handle the situation well. What would it mean to that mom to have someone come up to her and say something kind?

I think the same thinking applies in all aspects of dealing with other people and families. We generally don't know what goes on in someone elses family and judgement and conjecture really only tell more about those judging that those being judged.
So often I think kindness is set aside in lieu of something hurtful. People tell themselves that it's ok because I am right and they are wrong but in the end that comes down to perspective. I try to keep in mind that while might disagree with anothers choices or decisions, it doesn't mean they are wrong. Just different. I wonder why its so hard to let people be different. It's really not that scarey. Not to me. I enjoy my different family, they are bright spots in what might be an otherwise dreary life. My children are everything I ever hoped they would be and more. My husband is more wonderful to me each day. What an amazing thing to create a family.

I feel very blessed to be in a country that allows me the freedom to have my family and make decisions regarding that with very little interference. I feel very blessed to have the life I do. I feel very blessed to be in a country where I have options regarding my childrens education . Its all about free agency and how lucky we are to have it.

No idea where this tangent came from..lol. It is probably from a story a friend of mine told about some of the things she was going through and I could really identify with her. So, sorry if its off topic and meandering.

Until next time.
Mrs. F.

ps. I want to send healing vibes to my sister in law who is currently dealing with some rough health issues. We love you and you are in our prayers. If we can do anything don't hesitate to call.

Mrs. F. Finally figured it out. Oh yea and Poop and Streakers.

2008-08-16T06:20:00.000-07:00

So this past week was mixed as far as how it went. Many things happened but mostly it just flew by.First off I apologize for making my blog private. It never dawned on me that I could have to easy to manage blogs here in the blogosphere. One private and one public. Problem fixed. So this will likely be my sunshine and roses blog and the other one based in reality. LOL.

So to begin from where I left off last time. I feel better. not 100% but better. So that is a blessing. I will be starting my jewelry business soon so I am excited about that and FP offered his slave services in any capacity I choose to further this endeavor. I think I will just take advantage of his willingness to help and just ravage his body. Yea thats good.

Lets see what happened in the world of the fam.

MTA went to stay a week at her Aunts and LOVED it. She had a blast from what she tells us and existed on junkfood, bad movies and discussions about poop. Don't ask me it's her fathers sister. LOL. No we love that she had a great time although this Aunt may well be known as the Poop Whisperer from now on. Her hubby to be will be getting a nickname soon enough!

Mr. Literal had a rough start to the week as he took on the crux of MTA's chores while she was gone although he did stellar. He has also taken it upon himself to do much of the dinner time cooking. Last night he made shepards pie. The day before it was pot roast. He is an amazing 11yr old boy. He told FP and I tonight he wants to be a famous chef. SCORE!

Sketch had a low key week but his favorite friend has come back to visit every morning again. She is a young girl I do daycare for before school everyday. They were best pals last year but alas it seems Sketch has entered the girls have cooties stage. That and the fact that she tries to beat him and his brothers up fairly frequenly. ( She is a special needs child who has a lot of emotional/mental problems but generally in the morning she does well. Most days anyway )

Walker TR has found a new friend in his cousin as well as a little girl MTA and I switch off doing daycare for. Yesterday I had the three musketeers here and it was astonishing how fast bonds can form between children. I love that. Walker has also found that he is the Baby Whisperer. We have a 1yr baby girl that we watch she is the little sister to LMP mentioned below. Walker found that he and she are pals. He walked around with her on his hip and smiled every time she reached for him. In fact she slept on his chest for 45 min one day. Any idea how hard it is for a 7yr old to stay still that long? I have never seen him so proud of himself that he was tending her.

Superman had a rough week. I swear that kid couldn't walk upright without stubbing, banging something or slipping. However he discovered the art of jumping on the bed. Took him longer than most and I have a sneaky suspicion that my girlfriends daughter taught him this. So this week he was caught jumping on FP and I's bed, the livingroom couch, the family room couch, his bed, FP's chair and there was an incident with the bathtub and a misguided attempt to find fun in falling backward into the tub while sitting on the edge. Yea he taught that one to my friends daughter. Turn about is fair play I tell ya! Especially in the corrupting of children.

Speaking of my girlfriends daughter. We shall call her Little Miss Princess. LMP.

LMP and Superman are tight. Go everywhere together , eat off the same plate if I'd let them, tight. Ok so it shouldn't surprise you when I tell you they decided they needed to do potty duty together. ( No not on the same pot, thank god they didn't think of that. yet.) So one on the big chair one on the potty chair. Aww how cute. Yea. So I go into the bathroom about 20 min after they did their potty jot only to find my bathroom sink.... clogged. I bet you can't see where I'm going with this.

No I bet you can't.

So upon further investigation I discover my sink is clogged....with POOP. OMG.

The first thought that goes through my head. " Oh FP will love this job" ( He didn't) Second thought. " How the #$%& did poop get down the sink? I mean really, how? Was it forced? " Fade to black and re emerge with me checking the childrens hands for EVIDENCE! No to make them wash their hands. So I stand there a moment and having no idea what to do, I walk away. I cleaned up a bit and then walked away. I knew FP would be home soon and without tools there was no fixing this.

OMG POOP *shakes head*

So FP took care of it eventually but yea that was an experience. Imagine a family of 8 plus the daycare kids in and out of here, last night we had 9 kids here . Only one bathroom sink for even a short time is horrifying.

Back to Superman. Superman like his nakedness. He thinks all should wonder at his nakedness. Marvel really. He is a 4 yr old flasher.

So last night after playing in the pool he gets his bathrobe on and begins his routine. He runs around screaming at the top of his lungs and flashes everyone in the family. Flash seems a mild term. He waggles. It's hilarious but not something I want to foster in him so I tell him to put it away. " Superman put away your Pintu'!"

He runs off laughing. The doorbell rings. ..........I look at FP and he says" I have no idea who that is" We both get out of bed , we were settling down for the night. Or trying to. I suddenly remember that Superman is naked. This will be enlightening to whomever braved the walls of this house. I look around and wade through the mass of children at the door to find our dear friends had brought pizza and cake. Yes they are beloved.

I hear feet coming down the hall rather fast. Little feet. Superman is missing in the mass of children greeting our guests. YIKES! I turn just in time to see Superman skid across the floor in his socked feet , arms spread wide and glee on his face. The look of triumph and Ta Da! all rolled into one.

His face becomes one of shock, mine of relief. His little bod is dressed. However I can read every word his mind is churning as his face turns red.He thinks to himself.

I almost came out here naked!

That boy gives me the giggles. I love my family. Till next time.Mrs. F.

PS email me or leave a comment if you want an invite to my private blog. Invitations at my discretion.

PSS Cookbook blog coming soon!

Health update

2008-08-10T07:21:00.000-07:00

suffice to say spiking a fever with big time cramping, after a miscarriage can't be good. I'm missing my nieces blessing today. I really wanted to go but it hurts to walk anywhere and I'm just so tired. It's a bummer of a day.

Doc tomorrow if I am not markedly better. No more for now, too tired.

Mrs.F

Something I wrote years ago.

2008-08-09T10:25:00.000-07:00

So here at my hse woue have had an ongoing problem with the children not putting things away. Nothing strange in regards to children. However what irks me to no end is when I ask one of the children to put something away and hand it to them AND tell them where to put it and instead of just doing as I ask, they stuff the item(s) somewhere thinking no one will know or find out.

So tonight when I woke up in the middle of the night and found my daughter had done just this I was irritated and then I had a moment of pure genius.

So this is what I wrote. :

Kayelee,

Hello again, remember us? We are two items your Loving Mother asked you KINDLY to put away last night. We must tell you we are unhappy with how you have treated us. We spent a most uncomfortable night sleeping where you carelessly tossed us. I would most prefer my home on the oven handle. I am usefull there. My friend the Blue T shirt is most at home on a warm body or in a tidy drawer. He tells me that he spent the night in the BATHROOM! I can't even imagine his embarassment when your Loving Mother came in. The horror!

Luckily, she saw me shoved among the books on the book shelf. They talked all night. It really was most annoying. We really must protest at how we have been treated. We are very usefull items and we were tossed aside as junk! How can we be usefull when we are not put in our proper place?! It was very scarey for us too.

Thank goodness your Loving and Devoted Mother was willing to write down our grievances. Otherwise we might never have gotten to tell you of the pain it causes T Shirt and Myself ( Blue Striped Dishrag esq) When you treat us so carelessly. It has made us so scared that we have decided to spend the next week with you.

Your Loving Mother has given us safety pins so that we won't EVER have to part from you for a whole week. A WHOLE WEEK! What fun! It is just what we need to get us back to feeling right and hopefully you will think twice before you treat good, usefull items like JUNK again. Your Loving Devoted and Kind Mother told us something and we agree! A place for everything and everything in its place. I feel much better now! See you soon. Sincerely,

Blue T Shirt and Blue Striped Dishrag esq

Rules for T shirts and Dishrags vacation.

1. Items must be pinned to outside of clothing at all times.

2. You must not use or soil items. IF they get dirty you are to wash and dry them right away and add laundering time to their vacation time. ( Sentence time)

3. You are not to complain or insult items. STIFF punishment may follow.

4. You cannot take items off of your clothing without Loving Mothers permission.

5. Breaking ANY rules will result in Firmer and less friendly consequences.

My daughter will just LOVE this. LOL I really AM a nice Mommy

Mrs. F.

Flip Flop Dilemma and Dutch Babies

2008-08-07T15:01:00.001-07:00

It is 3 pm and I just got off the phone with my youngest sister in law. I love her. She might make me rethink my hatred of the phone. She is just someone I like. I feel really lucky that she thinks to call me and just say "hi"

I wanted to write a little about my families new found love affair with Dutch Babies. If you don't know what they are, then you don't have a MIL and SIL ( One of the eight I have , this one Im talking about is FP's second youngest sister. ) like I do. They are planning a brunch for sunday and I wanted to help. I was asked to make two Dutch Babies or Oven pancakes. I had never made one and had a vague idea of what they were but nothing more. MIL says I'll send you the recipe and you try it and see how it goes. I did. Let me just say our family now comsumes these puffy pans of yumminess , frequently.

I made two the first day. And that was about a week and a half ago. Since I have probably made, 8 more. LOL. I will post MIL's recipe here because I would be remiss not to share it. Needless to say we are all very greatful that MIL and SIL shared this with us. Breakfast will never be the same!

I wanted to make an amendment to my earlier post regarding MIL. She really is a kind lady and her egg deliver was only her way of helping ease our burden. I really do know that and appreciate that. I just have a pet peeve and it could have been anyone that dropped in , it just happened to be her.

On to the recipe:

GERMAN OVEN PANCAKE
6 TBLS. butter or marg.
7 eggs
1 cup flour
1 cup milk
Dash of salt

(Diced ham or crumbled sausage can be added if desired)

Heat the oven to 400. Melt the butter in a 9x 13 baking dish. Place allthe other ingredients in a blender and sap until well blended. Pour themixture into the buttered baking pan. (Sprinkle now with the meat.) Bake20 to 25 min. Serve with butter & syrup or fresh fruit and powderedsugar or with jams and jellies.

I have to make two for my family but I am sure one will feed a regular size family just fine although its yummy factor might just negate family size.

I make mine with diced ham and serve it with powdered sugar. SOOOOO GOOD.
I have to add that I have never gotten a recipe from MIL that we all didn't just love. So try it. Its quite possibly sin in a 9x13 in pan. *grin*

So to wrap this part up. Pet peeves aside I love my family. All billion of them.

I promised a story about our flip flop dilemma and here it comes. Superman once again the star of the show asks if he can go with FP and I to the store. He promises that if we take him " You'll be really happy" That always makes us smile. FP really enjoys Superman's cajoling because secretly FP really is happy when he takes Superman places. FP is happy when he takes the kids anywhere, most days. lol.

So Superman gets to go with us as well as Walker TR. Here comes the dilemma. Superman can't find his other flip flop. Yes he is his mothers son. I can never find two shoes at once. It's what FP is for. Anyway, the house stops in order to find Superman's renegade flip flop because I can see the tears forming as he begins to think he won't be able to go. FP has been known to leave without kids on his errands do to poor shoe organization practices . I recruit everyone in the house to find said flip flop. Five minutes later we have 5, yes 5, left foot flip flops. Of course we need the righty. Superman decides he has enough super powers to be able to wear two left flip flops. I consider it for about a half a second and then say " no, you need to have both feet. Because you do. Yes Superman you need both." So we eventually find both and off we go, only to have Superman kick them off the moment he gets into his carseat.

That is the nature of Superman. The shoes were the vehicle to get him where he wanted to go. Which was in the car. He makes me smile.

Before I go I wanted to share a bit about Sketch. He is the quiet one here. He is the thinker. The quiet feeler. You knever really know what he is thinking and the moments he lets you it, its really something. In the past few weeks he is never far from my side. I think perhaps he senses I am not quite myself. He just quietly exists with me but every so often he opens up with a jewel.

He saw a story about a kitten just born with two faces. He was quite disturbed by that fact but it was not how I perceived it at first. Sketch says" Mom! did you see that story about the kitten with two faces? I would be really sad if that happened. I wouldn't like it at all. " I asked him" You wouldn't like having a kitten like that?" He shakes his head " No, I think I would be really scared if that happened to me" I say" You would be scared if you had a kitten with two faces?" Sketch says" No he must be really scared, the kitten. I would be if I had two faces"

Now what struck me about his comment was that he automatically put himself in the kittens shoes. How the kitten must be feeling. Not in the shoes of the owner. I love that about him. The be able to see yourself in anothers shoes no matter how tragic , for one so young, I am continually impressed by him. All of the kids teach me but Sketch has a unique perspective, hes the artist, he expresses himself visually more often than he talks about how he feels. I love that about him.

now time to start dinner, roast chicken and zuchinni boats. not that anyone cares..LOL

until next time
Mrs. F.

4am and insomnia wins and a Cicada joins the family.

2008-08-07T04:16:00.000-07:00

It's 4 am and here I sit. I'm a stewer. I mull things over, beat them to death in my mind, generally I make myself sick over things. It's tedious and DM says I need to grow a thicker skin. Maybe so. I kind of like the skin i'm in. It's taken me a long time to get to that point. I am not sure I would like being in it if it were any different. Still it means I wear my heart on my sleeve and internalize everything and every problem searching for some way to understand it or searching for how I could have done better and still come out me on the other end.

I hate how sometimes reconciling all of that is impossible. I do the best I can with what I've got and pray someone somewhere will "get" me and not hold me against myself. I try to do that for others , sometimes it takes me some time, but I get there. FP can attest to that. He knows I am not going to bring up old hurts to beat him with at a later date and I don't hold grudges. I don't have the memory for it. So I spent much of the evening inside myself stewing. FP went to bed and I went to the livingroom to "watch tv" aka think. Mr. Literal comes over and doesn't sit next to me but on the end of the sofa and casts glances over at me now and again. He begins to talk to me but I don't hear him. I realize he is talking and give him a questioning glance, he patiently repeats himself with no thought to my not listening to him in the first place, he just quietly gives me another shot. Then he asks me if I would like him to get me anything. My 11 yr old son wants to tend to me. Can he see me hurting ? I try very hard to be "normal" when I am upset. I just generally " check out" when I am focused on something.

The simple gesture touches me. He wants to be with me, he wants to talk to me. It won't always be this way but how did he know I needed that right now? We quietly each some cheese and crackers and grapes while the tv carries on. So often I worry about what others think, how they perceive me or my family, how my kids are going to grow up with me for a mom. So many things, I think most are universal for many people/moms. As I laid here in bed I began to wonder why I cared so much? Why does it matter if anyone but those who have chosen to be present in my lives, doesnt "get" me? Why does it matter how my thoughts or feelings are perceived when I know the intent and true feeling behind them? Then I hear DM in my head " It Doesn't, you're overthinking again"

Will I ever get to a point where I can say I know me and I am ok with who I turned out to be? Probably. Will I ever get to a point where I think I don't need improving? I hope not. I may not be where I want to be yet but I like where I am for now and I'll sip a Dr. Pepper and worry about the rest tomorrow.

Now for a change of pace. Miss Teenage Argumenative and I spent some time on the couch watching worthless tv shows tonight. It is funny that the older she gets the more she reminds me of myself at her age. Although she is smarter and far more mature than I ever was. As we blithely watched our show she noticed a buzzing sound and then we both shrieked as a Cicada rolled along the tile floor between us and the exit. Seemingly dead now we relaxed some. We looked at eachother as if determining which one of us was more deserving of bug detail. *instert suspense music here* It was silently decided that neither of us deserved such a task and I moved to go wake FP. It was then that the Cicada proved it was just pretending and ambushed MTW (miss teenage WIMPY) and myself with a barrage of buzzing and flying ( albeit not very well) that proved our previous shriek was not at all what it seemed. Now we both screamed and she hid under the pillows ( coward) and I ran off down the hall with a renewed resolve to get my white knight out of bed to save us from certain death.

He was awake due to previous screaming and said " cicada?" I hopped on the bed , lest it had followed me into the bedroom. ( as if a flying bug would ever have need to grab my ankles) . I said " yes! will you come kill it? " He rolls over and says " Have MTA get it." !!!!!!!!!!!! I proceed to tell him that MTA is my current screaming partner and that was impossible and he comes up with the brilliant plan to have Mr. Literal get the bug. Now under normal circumstances my 11yros would be happy to wrangle a bug for me but the problem was the GIANT villan was between us and Mr. Literal's bedroom. Now to me that poses a giant problem. FP went back to sleep. ( My Hero). So I bring out a bath towel with the intent to trap it underneath the towel and eventually shoo it outside again.

I had MTA the towel because she was closest to the evildoer ( NOT because I was scared. ) She moved to stand , I presume in order to trap the little bastage, but it played yet another trick on us and commenced buzzing and flying around. I made a quick exit and trusted MTA to do the towel thing. And as far as I am aware, she did and it sits under a blue bath towel in the livingroom. I am content to leave it there until morning. I wonder if I can train my dogs to eat Cicada's. I see a web search in my future.

So MTA and I go to bed and I'll worry about it tomorrow.

It was nice to step outside my own concerns and share a moment or two with those who mean the most to me.

Until next time.
MFAU

ps. remind me to tell you of our flip flop dilemma and our love affair with Dutch babies.

Changing Chapters and a Lingering Sadness

2008-08-06T21:04:00.001-07:00

I didn't blog yesterday because I have been trying to "just deal" with some things that have been weighing heavily on me. I find that day by day I just am not "dealing" as well as I hoped I would. First being hubby and I just suffered our 3rd miscarriage in 4 years. It's funny how no amount of logic can mute the fact that it just hurts. Then there are the insensitive people that say well you have so many already. And those that while meaning well just say " im so sorry" and expect you to be fine the next day. Or even a week later. Needless to say I have not been on my A game for the past month. I started spotting over a month ago. So I haven't been myself and unfortunately being human, it shows.

Secondly, a dear friend came to me with a problem she was having and during the course of the conversation it was revealed that for several years of knowing this person, that I didn't really know some important things about her. Now thats not to say that a friendship is a ticket to all knowing about another person. However we called it a sisterhood and to me that implies a deeper connection. For whatever reason she hid a large part of herself from me and when it was revealed ( during the course of the conversation in dealing with her "problem" ) I was hurt at being so far outfield. Needless to say things are not going well with said friend and because I was hurt by being on the perifery of her life I have discovered that , that makes me self centered among other things. At least in her eyes.

I think it is absurd to think that a person wouldn't be hurt by such a revelation after years of being led to believe that you and another person supposedly share a close bond. Regardless I find the more I think about it the more I just have a lingering sadness about the whole thing. However I am going to rely on my own understanding of who I am and trust that truth will out. It always does. Hopefully my friend sees that I care about her and would never try and hurt her but in the end I have to matter too. Truth be told I haven't felt that in this relationship for a long time.

Thats ok, people change, life changes. The older I get the more I look for different things in friendships than I did several years ago. I am sure the same is for everyone. Perhaps I just don't fit her needs anymore. Perhaps if I am honest, she doesn't fit mine either. I sure would hate to see it end though. I would much rather see it continue to evolve but if there is anything I have learned in this life, it's that no matter how hard you try you can't create yourself in another person. And why would you want to? I hope that things work out but no matter what it's a life lesson. Perhaps I am too forthcoming in friendships, perhaps I give too much of myself emotionally, trust too far and expect far too much. Perhaps I do react to my own hurts instead of focusing on someone else . Perhaps I put too much emphasis on trust and sharing in a friendship and that shouldn't matter as much as other things. There is no doubt in my mind that she was a good friend to me and I tried to be good to her. However in the past year or more there has been a widening gap between us and that is something we both are responsible for. Hopefully time will mend things and there will be a renewed chance at friendship. I'd sure hate to see it end. Yet still my heart hurts at the idea that somehow this was a test I failed.

On to other things. Today was largely low key, but once again my pet peeve was triggered. ( or one of my pet peeves anyway). I hate drop ins. I hate when people just show up. It throws my day off, I feel caught off guard and unprepared. Most people who know me know this about me and just call first. If I answer the phone generally I will say sure come on over. But please call first. If I don't answer then probably one of two things is going on : 1. I am not home, 2. I am busy and don't want to bother with the phone. If that makes me rude so be it. I hate the phone unless I am talking to one of my girlfriends of DM or FP. I just do. I will return the call when I can. but don't just show up.

Today for instance. My MIL (Mother in law) shows up with eggs. It was as random as that. Just eggs. I am helping cater a brunch on sunday and she wanted to make sure I had enough eggs. Of course she comes over when its the worst time. The kids are playing , MTA is babysitting while I rest because I am still cramping from miscarrying. So I look like hell and feel worse and she shows up and she asks what are we doing? I wanted to scream. Of course she knows I was sleeping and somehow I feel a silent judgement about it. Wether its real or imagined I don't know but it's there. And then I stew about it all afternoon because WHY should I ever feel guilty for resting when I need it? Or napping ? ever? Does that make me somehow a less than mom? So if people would just call before they show up I could save myself all of this aggravation. I am just weary, it feels like on every side I am just falling short. Perhaps that is the mom in me. Perhaps I really am. I just wish I didn't feel like I was changing life chapters as fast as my underwear.

It should be noted MIL is a nice woman but through the course of my marriage I have felt....a certain disapproval. Perhaps every wife does.

anyway not a witty or even very enjoyable post but I feel better for posting it.
Ill try harder tomorrow. I always do.
MFAU

Farty Papa and the Blogosphere

2008-08-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

Morning Bloggers,
This morning has thus far been quiet, I rolled out of bed at 5 am feeling triumphant! Who would feel triumphant at 5 am and for waking up no less? Perhaps some background is necessary here. I come from a sleep challenged family. Darling Mother ( DM) is an insomniac and Absent Father (AB) is Narcoleptic among other things. In a perfect world I would have been a happy medium with a normal sleep cycle but no, This life is never perfect as we all know and God has a sense of humor.

So I have insomnia as well. I have struggled with it for years and my penchant for being a night owl doesn't aid the matter. So for the past two weeks I have been trying to regulate my sleep cycle before we begin our homeschool year and have found myself going to bed at 7pm. Farty Papa has been very understanding regarding my sleepy absence from the generally busy and often emotion filled evenings.( tired children make for some of the best drama).

So bed for me at 7pm and so it begins. If you can imagine being so tired at 7pm that you fall into bed with a warning to all people within earshot that should they wake you , the walls shall tumble to their feet with your wrath and then finding you are wide awake at 12pm. The house is quiet. You are alone and your frusteration begins to simmer. That was last week for me.

This week I have found my sleep cycle progressing. Bedtime 7pm on Monday woke at 1 am. Tuesday bedtime 7pm woke at 2 am. Wednesday bedtime 7pm woke at 2:30 am. Wednesday I was so tired that I tried to take a nap probably 7 times but as is par for our home during any given day, Mom and nap are not quite compatible. Wednesday night bedtime 7pm with a renewed warning of wrath. (see previous warning). Thursday bedtime 7:30pm woke at 3:45am! WOOHOO! Thursday I was not terribly tired and found that I went to bed at 8:30pm with no problem. Friday bedtime 7pm and woke saturday morning at 5am. Triumphant. Perhaps it is not a huge success. Perhaps waking at 5am is insane. For me however three factors govern my sleep cycle and thusly , how I feel during the day.
1. Bedtime
2. Wake time
3. Naps.

Bedtime I have discovered is key in my sleep. Getting to bed at bedtime is the hard part. Falling asleep is where insomnia becomes my enemy. Most might think going to bed at 7pm is impossible. I agree. Save for Farty Papa it would be impossible. I don't intend to have a 7pm bedtime, my kids don't go to bed that early and I quite like nocturnal activities . However 7pm these past two weeks was decided for me. My body just could not stay awake any longer. 1 am to 7 pm. you try it. However this eventually got me to my 5 am to 7pm day which I can easily handle. In fact it is just about where I want to be for the school year except one thing. " I don't wanna go to bed at 7pm!" *foot stamping inserted here*

So now begins the hard part of dealing with insomnia. (as if there was an easy part) Coaxing my body into a later bedtime but still getting up at 5am. With no side effects , namely grogginess, snarkiness,impatience and just all around general bad moodiness.

If I go to bed too late I run the risk of not being able to sleep because my sleep window has passed. I rarely get sleepy tired. I might get to a point where I am low key, passive, even wakefull resting. These are all times when I should go to bed. The problem is that even if I do fall asleep at these times I can't stay asleep.

If I go to bed too early ( 7pm) I run the risk of being awaken ( is that a word? probably not good that I don't know that) by my family. Namely Superman because he can't see me laying down and not jump in next to me for a snuggle. And a talk. And a song. And ..and..and.. Then if I wake up before I get into deep sleep ( which is the elusive lover ) I am up for good. It is just how my body works.

Now we come to napping. Naps are ambrosia. Naps are lovely. Naps are my friend. Naps are...well they are just delicious. I love naps. However, I have found that as my children age they actually rebuke naps. They ,dare I say it, HATE naps. *gasp* Napping is a childs kryptonite! So largely MFAU doesn't get naps. I try but rarely do they happen. It is probably for the best because when I do manage a nap I go to bed later and we all know how that ends.

So now I begin the next phase of pushing my bedtime and hoping I don't push it too far. Eventually though something always happens and I have to start over. That is the way it is with such a sensitive sleep cycle. I have tried pills to regulate my insomnia but I hate waking feeling groggy and like I need to go back to bed. So I manage the puzzle of insomnia as best I can. Besides what would Farty Papa do if he didn't have to manage the evening drama? Oh right...yea he could do that. or that. I bet he would like that too.

Speaking of Farty Papa. ( He dubbed himself that btw with the whole familys approval) He aparrently spent some time last night searching for a way to search for my blog. He was not able to search for anyones blog much less mine. How can this be? A blog site with no search engine? No easy way to find blogs? No easy way for mine to be found? Turns out I might be alone out here. No wait! someone found me yesterday! How? If someone out there could please enlighten FP and myself I would really appreciate that. How will I ever be able to read other blogs if I can't even show FP how to find mine?

Oh I hear the rumblings of a home about to wake. A toilet flushing, and little feet running back to bed. Back to bed? WOOHOO! I love saturdays. Every kid wants to sleep in. So I will return to my secret get away where elves and undead roam and pick a few pockets before breakfast! ( and if you know what all that means then you are as nerdy as I am and I would love to meet you! )

Until something else equally inane happens,
Mrs. Flabby and Unfabulous.

Taco Stew and Superman

2008-08-01T16:08:00.000-07:00

Hello to all the phantom readers that my mother said would come. If you write it they will come or some such nonsense. Mrs . Flabby and Unfabulous here. Wife of 14 years to Farty Papa , mother to ( in descending order) Textman (16yrostepson), Miss Teenage Argumenative (13yrodd), Mr. Literal (11yrods), Sketch(9yrods), Walker Texas Ranger, hereafter to be referred to only as Walker ( 7yrods) and Superman(4yrods).

I am new to blogger and all that is has to offer but thanks to my mom ( I won't give her a nickname but I could *wink*) who said I should make a blog. I did. I should start out telling about our family , that we homeschool and many other things I am sure I will eventually get to but really today its about Taco Stew and Superman.

Superman being the youngest in our home knows his place well. He is most important of course at least according to him. And the rest of us knowing our place happily let him believe that. Today Superman has been spending his day doing two things, watching movies and singing. He also had a run in with a cup the size of a small country but mostly he sang. These are not songs that anyone but he knows, nonetheless they are enchanting and border on annoying. What I mean to say is I enjoy children breaking into song as much as any overworked, stressed out, undershowered and loving mother. Except when I am on the phone.

Superman decided I needed to hear his latest rendition of *insert random and unknown title of song summoned by 4 year old here*. I was on the phone. I am sure due to my previous statement you can imagine this coming. He is singing , I am asking phone companion to repeat , repeatedly. He continues singing and I turn to Superman prepared to rather loudly extoll the virtues of silence when he sings to me " I love mommy and superman , Love love love mommy mommy " Somewhere there is my karmic angel laughing her butt off as I am cut off at the pass by a 4 year old! Outwitted! How clever he is to use his charm to disarm his mother. So I smile at him and say his name three times " Superman Superman Superman *instert glitter hearts here* He returns " What momma , what momma, what momma" I end with " Shh" He smiles and turns to his brother Walker TR and beings a new song about him. I realize I don't mind children breaking into song while I am on the phone anymore.

On to Taco Stew. I love to cook. I hate pretty much anything involved with the clean up aspect but thankfully because my family enjoys eating, I generally come away unscathed. This meal is what I like to call a "pantry to the rescue" meal. This morning MTA and I raided the pantry and with the addition of 2lbs of stew beef we created something in my slow cooker that to be honest looked like something someone barfed up on the sidewalk outside of a local mexican restaurant. Not that you need more description than that but suffice to say it looked.....bad. I shrug and put the lid on because hey " Barf! It's whats for dinner!"

I let it groove for hours and stir it a couple times and as I sit here I realize the smell in my house is something to behold.

To be more clear , I realize my house smells so good that I wish I could take a picture of it. The smell I mean. Save it for posterity *giggle*. I hear Superman next to me saying " something smells good and making a slurping sound that I can only describe as a 4 yr olds version of delicious. Mind you he's not eating only pretending at this point. Mrs. Flabby and Unfabulous is feeling fairly....fabulous though still flabby. No doubt tonights dinner will only cement my position as flabby but likely not unfabulous. Not tonight anyway!
So there you have it. Taco Stew and Superman. All in all not a bad combo.
Hope to get to know you bloggers. Feel free to leave a note.

Until tomorrow.
Mrs. Flabby and Unfabulous.